Easter has always been one of those holidays that never really emotionally swayed me one way or the other. I hate Christmas with a blind passion… but Easter never really imposed that much on my time, and then there’s tons of chocolate on bargain discount for a week after it’s over- so I shrug, let it be, and make some obligatory Jesus-Zombie jokes.
But recently, I’ve been re-reading the bible. I plan on doing a series of little mini illustrated bible stories… the real stories. About what really happened at Gomorrah, and the petty reasons for the plagues and such. And I was reading about the last days of Jesus, and I’ve decided that I’m really not that impressed.
He suffered. Sure. For a couple days, things were pretty shitty. But have you ever watched anyone die of cancer, or AIDS? I have. And I’ve watched them suffer… for months and months… unspeakable humiliating suffering. Have you checked out what’s going on in South Africa- the raping of babies, and the mothers forced to carry the severed heads of their children? Those people suffer. Every day there are people all over the world enduring more than that one guy did- but they don’t get a religion based on them. So his day or so on the cross?… Yeah, I bet that sucked. But we’ve seen worse.
And Jesus got to come back! Doesn’t that nullify the severity of the death? He had a sucky few days (that he knew were coming anyways so he had time to emotionally prepare for it), then said “Wait! Nevermind! I’m not dead!”, hung around for a while to show off his not-deadness, and then got to float away into heaven. But all of my friends who suffered excruciating pain for months and then died miserable deaths don’t get to come back. They are gone for keeps. So JC totally won by dying… but he did it to wash away all the sins of man… unless you don’t believe in him…. because it’s blasphemy to not think his parlor trick death was the most awesome… then that sin-scrub-down doesn’t apply to you and you’re going to hell… so there.
It’s not just bullshit… but it’s rude. I don’t tolerate rude.
To sum it up, JC is an overly dramatic jerk who basically had a pretty crappy weekend for your sins. And if you don’t think he’s most awesome for having that crappy weekend, then he’s gonna throw a tantrum and make you burn forever. The more I re-read the word of God, the more I like that I’m not on his team. But I’ll eat those chocolate bunnies all day long.