This is the part of the story where someone or something (preferably with superhero qualifications… maybe a little flying… I’d like to fly!) jumps into my “life picture” and says in that booming cartoon-like voice, “FEAR NOT!! I will save you!!”.  And then this superhero-like entity throws down whatever magical capabilities they may have up their sleeve… and POOF!  Life’s better.  All is saved.  I fall to a weeping thankful mess all over the rug.  We all smile.  Wipe a tear.  Cut to credits.  Happy ending.  The world is a better place.

Yeah… fucking whatever.

I’ll backtrack a bit and fill everyone in on my current psychological damage.  My son, the light of my life, the creature for whom I work like a dog for, my little partner-in-crime has Asperger’s Syndrome.  If you don’t know what this is… you can click over to the wikipedia link to it HERE.   He’s extremely high functioning with it (to where you wouldn’t know there were any issues if you just hung out with him for a little while)… but he is so brilliant that this is almost working against him.  And when I say brilliant, I’m not just being the “proud inflated mother”… he really is scary smart.  I’d almost prefer for him to be an idiot… idiot’s are easy to raise and usually do what they’re told.  He has the inability to understand social peer behavior, and can be extremely defiant when he doesn’t understand WHY he has to do something he doesn’t want to do… but is high functioning and smart enough to manipulate an entire classroom and a pack of teachers into a full blown circus with the blink of an eye in order to get out of doing what he doesn’t want to do.  This is maddening.  For his teacher and for me.

But today was the big kicker.  He didn’t want to go to math class today.  I don’t know why he has such issues with math because he’s really good at it (he’s extremely advanced in all his classes, and the work isn’t a challenge for him)… but he’s actually getting a ‘D’ in math class because he out-right refuses to do the work.  But today, he refused to go.  He just wouldn’t do it.  His teachers tried every method they knew how to get him to go, and that just made him mad.  So it turned into a full blown battle of wills (between him and 5 teachers PLUS the school principal)- and he won.  Yes, this is my boy.  By “won” I mean he acted out so much, and was so unmoving in his stance that they could not get him to go to math.  They were forced to call me.  And when he was told that I was on my way there he flew into hysterics because I’m the only one he fears.  We have no god in our house- so I am the omniscient force in his life.

Long story short (too late)… he was asked to leave school for the day because they just couldn’t get him to do what he was told, and he was keeping all the other kids from doing their work as well.  This has always been a problem.  He doesn’t understand authority, or why some people are allowed to tell others what to do.  When he was in kindergarten, his principal told me a story about one of the MANY times he was sent to her office.  She was telling him why we have to follow rules, and why we have to do what the teachers say, etc etc etc.  He very patiently sat and listened… and when she was done, he stood up and put a hand on her desk (he’s very much like a little adult) and said to her, “Listen, my mom will be here at 3.  When I go home with my mom, you won’t be there.  I won’t have to stand on the line or sit in the corner.  You can’t do that at my house.  And I don’t care if you do that to me here.  So when my mom get’s here, there’s nothing else you can do to me.  I’ll wait in the office until then.”… and he marched out of her office.  HE WAS 5 YEARS OLD!!!!  At 5 years old he had a full understanding of the fact that any of us can behave any way we want if we’re willing to suffer the consequences if we get caught.  Most ADULTS don’t ever get a grasp on that concept!!!  His principal told me that he sent chills down her spine with his little lecture- because he was RIGHT… and she knew that she had no response to that.  In a Utopian society, there would be no such things as “authority figures”… but we live in the real world, and there are rules, and social hierarchy,  and social boundaries, and you do have to exist accordingly.  But he just doesn’t get it.  At all.

To sum it up…. I’m fucked.  So very very very fucked.  And I’m terrified of his “teenaged years”.

But as of recently, he has feared my powers less and less.  And he has become more and more confrontational with his teachers.  And more manipulative when trying to get what he wants.  So a friend of ours clued us into diet as being a major cause of alot of behaviors associated with this (which I knew already, but not to any specific extent), and in some extensive researching I have found that a GFCF (gluten free casein free) diet helps these kids IMMENSELY.  BUT gluten is in everything under the sun… and casein is basically dairy.  My son has never eaten meat in his life… so dairy and pastas are a gigantic part of his diet.  I’m a little overwhelmed by how much I’m going to have to change every aspect of his eating habits- and also by how expensive this is going to get (cuz all those soy cheeses and gluten free products are not cheap).  But I’m going to give it a shot, and see if any positive results come of it.  It can’t hurt… right?

So if any of you out there have any suggestions or recipes for vegan gluten free diets…. PLEASE SPEAK UP!!!  And please keep in mind that I can’t cook for shit, so the simpler the better.

Back to work I go… I got NOTHING done today, so I get to be up all night trying to catch up on everything I didn’t accomplish today.  Vomit.