Self awareness should be taught in school…

Last night Sully woke up about 8 different times because of increasingly ridiculous things.  The first couple times was to use the bathroom.  No big deal- except he has this weird habit of asking if he’s allowed to every time.  Every.  Single.  Time.  Always.  As if I’m going to say ‘no’.  Sorry Sully, you’ve now got to hold it for the rest of your life.  Then at around 2am, he wakes up and yells to me that he wants all the cats in his bed.  Then at around 3:30 we hear this huge crash, and he somehow kicked his little cd player out of his bed, and he wants me to get up and repair it.  Yeah, right guy… go to sleep. Then about a half hour after that, he yells to me that he thinks his feet are asleep… I yell back that he should follow their lead.  And on and on and on.

Then, when I made coffee this morning, I forgot to dump out the remainder of last night’s coffee that was still in the pot… so I came home from dropping off Sully from school to an overflowed coffee pot with a mixture of gross old coffee and new fresh coffee.  It was all over the countertop, spilled onto the floor, and the cats walked through it so there were little coffee paw prints everywhere.  So before I even had my coffee after a sleepless night, I have to get out the mop and clean the floor.

Then I turn on my computer, and this is one of the first images I see when I went online:

Fucking gross.  Like my day wasn’t off to a horrifying start already- I’m visually assaulted by this washed up relic, still sporting his cornrows.  Dear Life, I hate you today.

A good friend of ours was over the other night, and he happens to be the master of illegal downloads.  So he already had the new Guns N Roses album.  We flipped through the songs and listened to them.  Dear god… that shit is HORRIBLE!!!!  Like, embarrassingly horrible.  The kind of horrible that makes you cringe.  And Axl’s dedication to the cornrows and baggy “chubby old guy” attire doesn’t help matters any.  What I want to know is if he ever looks at himself in the mirror.  Ever.  And if he does, is he so far gone that he can stand in front of that mirror, inspecting his appearance, and think “Yeah, I look good… things are going just fine with me”.  Really?  Really???!!! I don’t get it.  Does he live in a bubble?  Or am I being really mean?…. ok, I am being really mean.  Do I care?  Of course not.

I’ve been doing my little daily crafts… and they make me giggle.  Here’s a few of the new fun stuff that’s now available on the website….

Severed Finger And Denture Cupcakes

Severed Finger Plush X-mas Ornaments

Crocheted Little Birdy w/ Severed Finger Legs

I’m making custom painted plates tonight.  And I should be getting my dresses back from the screenprinter any day now.  And I just got tons of totes in to get screenprinted.  So there’s gonna be alot more stuff to look forward to on my little webstore.

Off I go to function….

Big hugs to you all (except Axl…. he’s too creepy for hugs).

Isolation doesn’t always turn you into a mental patient…

Brad get’s really angry at me alot because I don’t leave the house.  He get’s creeped out by how comfortable I am within my walls, and is convinced that someday I will crack wide open like a rotted egg- assualting everyone around me with the reek of my sulfer-infested mental decline.  To that, I say “Whatever, fella” and proudly stick my almighty middle finger in his eye (I’ve never actually hit his eye… not yet at least… he’s a spry fella for his age).

The big difference between me and Brad is that I can entertain myself quite nicely, and that is something that he isn’t really able to do.  He gets bored easily and needs constantly changing external stimulation (which isn’t a bad thing at all- it’s just the way alot of people are), but I’m satisfied with creating my own stimulation.  I love being around people (or, at least being around people of my choosing…. I hate being surrounded by morons, which is usually the case when stepping into the “outside world”), but I don’t NEED to be around people.  Brad doesn’t understand that.  He says I give him the willies.  We actually fight about this… which I think is insane.  I don’t get upset with his inability to stay put- he shouldn’t get mad at me for my comfort in staying put.  They’re just differences.  No big deal, right?  Someone please tell him it’s no big deal.  PLEASE!!!

But it’s because I’m able to stay put and fill my own time, I’m able to play around with funny ideas of things to make…. and my latest play-time resulted in much giggling.  I made more Severed Finger Cupcakes (because the other ones sold out in a couple days, and I was getting emails from people yelling at me to make more), but I added a little something new to the recipe….. dentures.  Here they are!!

Yes…. real dentures.  But they’re clean… don’t worry.  Funny, right?  I think so.  We’ll see how much people are into them.

On a completely different topic, my son has started getting into sculpture.  My art book library mainly consists of printmakers, painters, and illustrators… so he’s had to use what he sees in there to feed his creativity in a 3-D form.  Yesterday he was reading all my Dali books while working with clay, and he was trying his hand at little abstract sculptures taken from the flowing shapes in Dali’s paintings.  He brings one of them into my office, and says “I made this one for you”….. and it took everything I had to not fall out of my chair laughing, and to calmly say “Wow, Sully!  That’s really beautiful!!”.  It wasn’t bad… not at all!  The thing that killed me is that it looks like a sex toy.  Seriously.  I think I saw things exactly like this the last time I was in France.  Let me share with the group:

Maybe I’m a total jerk, but as soon as I saw it I thought “Hell, if he keeps this up, he could make a million working for vivid!”.  It’s sitting on my desk right now, because he made it for me, and his feelings would be hurt if it wasn’t on my desk.  But I’ve gotta say that I’m totally creeped out by this dildo looking thing made for me by my 10 year old son.

That is all I’ve got to tell for now.

I hope all you bunnies are having happy days!

Confessions….

Ok, I have a problem. I thought I had it under control…. but apparently I was wrong.

I’m heavily addicted to ebay.

But not just the site in general…. it’s one particular thing on ebay.  Antique bird salt & pepper shakers, and chickens.  I don’t know what my attraction is with these… but I can’t make it go away. Let me site some examples:

All those above… that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  They’re everywhere in our house.  I can’t get enough of them.  (and in that last pic, the great big chicken… my beautiful friend Matt stole that off some jock’s front porch for me in the middle of the night because it was far more important for me to have it than them… so that wasn’t an ebay purchase.  This is one of the many ways that Matt is magical)

I swore off ebay for keeps almost 2 years ago, and never looked back.  I thought I had a thumb on it.  Until today.  Today showed me that the beast never left… it was just hibernating.  I found these amazing “Watchmen” movie posters that were only available at Comic-con that were taken directly from Watchmen images from 1986, and I HAD to have a Rorschach one (yeah, I’m a fucking nerd.. go ahead and laugh… watch me not care).  So I searched everywhere online, and then thought “well, maybe I can go on ebay just this once to see… it’ll be ok… I just want the poster…. nothing else… just the poster…”.

Well, I got the poster (not the original from comic con, but as good as I’m gonna get)…. but I now have 26 bids on various vintage bird salt & pepper shakers, one auction finished and paid for.  WHAT IS MY FUCKING PROBLEM?????  I KNOW BETTER THAN THIS!!!!!!  FFFFFFFUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

It’s so difficult, because they’re all so inexpensive, and I think “hell!  That set is only $3.99!  I can get that!!”.  Then there’s the $4-$8 shipping on each one… so it adds up fast.  And my problem is that I’m really competitive, so if someone out bids me, I kindof go wackadoo and think “Screw that dick!  I’M gonna win those shakers!”, and I bid higher.  Seriously… it’s fully retarded.  And I can’t stop.  But now, I’m bound to ebay because I have to keep logging on to pay for auctions I won and to leave feedback and all that crap (because you’re just a jerk if you don’t leave feedback), and I KNOW that the moment I log on… I’ll check on the birdies.  Are there new ones?  Have old prices on ones gone up?  I’m a total tight-wad with every other aspect of my life… but these goddamn birds get me every time.

I’m looking for volunteers to come over and babysit me when I have to log into ebay.  This is mandatory for the safety of my financial stability.  Seriously.  Please?  Anyone?  Help?

Aside from that, I made more cupcakes.  They’re drying right now.  Some with the severed fingers…. but there are a couple new ones with REAL DENTURES in them!  No, not halloweeney store fakey dentures- but the real deal.  They’ve been in old people’s mouths.  For reals. (but I steralized them, so they don’t have dried up old people drool on them or anything).  THEY’RE SO FUCKING FUNNY!!!  I LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM!!!!  Pictures of them to be posted probably by tomorrow night (and they’ll be going on the webstore areound that time too).

HA!