Drinking bleach and going blind…

Ok, so I haven’t actually been drinking bleach… but the thought crossed my mind on more than 1 occasion over the past couple days.  I’ve been feeling sluggish, and sad for no reason, and panicked over my financial state (sales have been down because of the economy, and it’s scary).

To try to fight the sluggishness, I’ve started exercising.  I used to do yoga, but now I’ve been finding myself too manic to have the patience to “stretch and breathe” for any amount of time.  It doesn’t calm me or relax me… instead I find myself dwelling on all the things I need to be doing instead of “stretching and breathing”.  So I started doing “step aerobics”.  It’s ok.  You can laugh.  I can’t bring myself to go to a gym (the gyms out here are all such creepy meat-markets, and I’m not going to pay money to get creeped out), so the “step-thingy” came with an instructional DVD (which is hilarious enough to keep me entertained while I work out).  And I found that if you strap 5 pounds of weights onto your ankles for the workout, it really makes you sweat.  That’s fought the sluggishness- but not the pesky overwhelming sense of impending financial doom that hangs over my head.

Now for the blindness… last night, out of nowhere, I lost my ability to see clearly.  One minute- normal visual clarity.  The next minute, everything had a bright “halo” around it, and I had double vision.  This didn’t stop for a couple hours.  I tried to text Brad to tell him I was going blind, but I couldn’t see the screen on my phone to be able to send him a message.   And it was really stressful trying to make Sully dinner, working with a gas stove, and not knowing exactly how close my hands actually were to the flames (in hindsight, I probably should have just ordered a damn pizza).  With all my other health problems, this is the one that creeped me out the most.  I can’t lose my eyes.  Being able to see is kindof what I use the most when making art- so this was totally unnerving.  I might actually have to go to the doctor.  Ugh.  Gross.  We’ll see.

On an entertaining note, our little Daisy Ding-Dong Stupid Face kitten is in heat.  I know, I know… we should have gotten her fixed by now.  But she doesn’t go outside, and all the rest of our cats are fixed- so there’s no threat of baby Stupid Faces.  And right now, she’s HILARIOUS.  She’ll strut around the house calling for a boy, find one of our boy cats and try to woo him… but since all our fellas are fixed, they’ll just look at her like she’s crazy, and look at us like “What the hell is her problem?”.  Then, when she finally realizes that she’s not gonna get laid, she’ll hiss and smack them, and strut away- rejected and furious.  Our poor fella cats are so confused right now.  I love it.

My last post got a crazy amount of responses, and thank you all for joining in the debate!  But since I always have to get the final word in (I’m an Aries… it’s how I roll), I’d like to post this AMAZING little video that lovely Laura posted as a comment on my last blog.  It’s so great that it deserves it’s own blog- so here it is:

I love it I love it I love it I love it I love it…..from the bottom of my heart, thank you Keith Olbermann.

Another quest I’ve taken on this past week is trying to teach myself how to crochet.  This has been maddening.  I’m college educated.  I taught myself corporate graphics programs on the computer.  I’m a somewhat intelligent person… but for some reason I just have not been able to figure out how to make pretty knots with a metal stick.  Why the fuck is this??!!  It’s giving me low self-esteem.  I attempted to make a crocheted cake- but it turned out looking like a stupid hat.  And I made a birdy that was supposed to be 5 inches tall, but ended up 3 times that size.  But last night I made a little koala for Sully that actually looked like a koala- AND  was the size it was intended to be!!!  Here are the photos of the birdy and cake-hat:

I’m getting the hang of it a little bit.  My ultimate goal is to be able to make gigantic life-sized stuffed animals of the characters in my paintings.  I think it would be totally hilarious to be able to snuggle up to a 6-foot tall 2-headed llama with bleeding boobs wearing nurses hats.  So this is my current endeavor.  I will conquer this craft.  Mark my words.

Aside from all that, I’ve marked down ALL the clothing on my webstore.  I’m broke. You’re broke.  So to help out all the broke people out there, I’m making things a little cheaper. I also figured out how to provide gift certificates online… so hopefully that will help make holiday shopping a little easier for some of the folks out there (I don’t even want to THINK about holiday shopping… I might just crochet everyone a scarf and be done with it).

And right now, I’m part of the First Annual Midwest Plushforms Show at Shoparooni.  This is an online auction of hand painted plushform dolls, and is a charity show for Toys for Tots.  They’re still putting all the little plushforms onto the auction, I’m not sure if mine is online yet because I got it to them last minute (I seem to be doing everything last minute- sorry, Shoparooni!).  But the folks at the store are amazing, and you should all check it out.

I believe that is all for the day… or at least all I can coherently relay.  That rhymed!  Ha!!

The highs, the lows, and the gloating….

So I’m just gonna get this outta the way right off the bat, and then we’ll move onto other things…

WE WON!!!  MCCAIN’S A DOUCHEBAG AND HE LOST!!!  PALIN CAN STOP HER RETARDED BABBLING AND GO THE FUCK BACK WHERE SHE CAME FROM!!!!!  OOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBAAAAMMMMMMAAAAAAA I LLLLLLLOOOOOOOVVVVEEEEE YYYYYOOOOUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok…. I’m done gloating.  I can honestly say that this is the first time in my adult life that I’ve experienced this kind of American Pride.  When Clinton was in office, I was too young to have really cared about the “pre-Clinton” years, so I didn’t appreciate how good we had it with him.  And then almost 8 years of Bush retardation left a bad taste in my mouth and constant gas pains towards our country that I never thought would go away.   But then minty-fresh and soothing Obama stepped up to the plate… and for the first time I have hope.  I have hope that the rest of the planet will slowly begin to be friends with us again, and that I won’t have to immediately apologize whenever I’m traveling overseas and tell someone I’m from the U.S.  I have hope that there is FINALLY going to be someone in the White House looking out for those of us who don’t own multi-billion dollar companies.  I have hope that someday my husband will be able to have health care.  I have hope that this moronic war will soon come to an end, and that the troop’s families will finally have them back home safely.  The list goes on and on.  His election shows a massive change in our country… it’s proven that the majority of the country is completely sick of the “Old Rich Guy” way of doing things, and we’ve spoken.  This is also a MASSIVE step towards people being hired for a job based on merit- and not hired or discriminated against because of color.

I actually cried last night during his acceptance speech.  Brad was driving home from class listening to it, and he called me and told me he was crying too.  For those of you who don’t know me personally… I’m not a teary person.  I usually only cry by reflex if I get socked in the nose.  And I’m not easily moved in a positive way… especially if politicians are involved.  But Obama made me cry.  For that, he should get a bonus award.  I’ve been on cloud 9 all day long.

But now the lows….. there were oodles of propositions on the table for California in this election.  One of them, Proposition 8,  was to ban homosexual marriages.  This was passed.  It is now no longer legal for homosexual couples to get married in the state of California.  And this breaks my heart.  Below is a video that I think sums up the just how ridiculous and unjust it is to deny these loving couples the right to a sacred union.   Warning …. there are violent and graphic scenes in there, so if you’ve got a weak stomach or freak out easily, don’t watch it.  Seriously… and if you do watch it and freak out, it’s not my fault.

If you didn’t want to watch it, I’ll sum it up.  This video lists serial killers, violent offenders, serial rapists and pedophiles (basically people who are so horrible that our society has locked them in a cage to keep them away from us) who all got married AFTER they went to prison.  Some were married while on death row.  Some even fathered children while in prison.  Ted Bundy. Members of the Manson Family.  John Wayne Gacy.  The Hillside Stranglers.  And on and on.  These people have the constitutional right to get married… but law abiding, tax paying, loving couples don’t.  Does that make sense? Does that seem fair?   So I can rape people, kill people, dismember them, eat them, mutilate them, rape and kill children, kidnap people, etc… then after being caught and sentenced to a life time in prison (or even be sentenced to death), I can get myself a pen pal, decide to marry this pen pal even though we will never be able to share a home, a life, or even a bed every night… and that marriage is viewed as sacred.  BUT if I’m a good person, follow all of society’s rules, living a happy and productive life, and I fall in love and want to share my life with this wonderful love- I’m not allowed to if my love has the same reproductive organs that I do?

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE!!!!! There is no excuse for this.  It is so horribly fucking wrong that it makes my stomach hurt.  Does this make sense to ANYONE out there?… because if it does please stand the fuck up and explain it to me.  Seriously.  I want to understand this.  I want to know why 18,000 couples who were FINALLY able to get married in California now have the heartbreak of their wedding no longer being recognized as valid.  I want to know why anyone feels they have the fucking right to do this to other people… to perfect strangers.  Shame on you, right-wing conservatives.  What would Jesus do?…. certainly not what you Christians did to the homosexual population…. that’s for fucking sure.  But seriously… if the facts above make any sense to anyone out there reading this, PLEASE explain.  I promise I won’t go off on you, or call you names, or be disrespectful in any way.  I just really want to know why love isn’t celebrated…. no matter who the couple is who shares that love.

Brad said that at least gay marriage is still legal in Massachusetts.  And if you’re married in one state, then that marriage is recognized legally in all states (Article 4, Section 1 of the Constitution states “Full Faith and Credit shall be given in each State to the public Acts, Records, and judicial Proceedings of every other State”).  So if you break a law in one state, your still a criminal in every other state… AND if you get married in one state, you’re still married in every other state.  But that doesn’t make it better in my eyes.  Brad also said, “Well, we can’t win everything”.  Oh yeah?  Why the fuck not?

The Republicans, the rich, and the Christian Evangelicals have been running the show for close to a decade.  We were inches away from having Roe v Wade back on the table; from having a Vice President who thinks that our environmental tragedy had nothing to do with pollution and doesn’t believe that horny teenagers should be taught how to use a condom (ie: her own knocked up teenager who is being forced into marriage); from having another president who only looks out for fellow members of his rich, white “Boy’s Club”, and leaves the rest of the nation to fall to pieces… etc.  The other guys have had it all for fall too long.  I think it’s time WE had it all.  And not even ALL of it… just a little justice, common sense, and equal treatment.  Why is that so much to ask for?

So shame on you, California, for letting Prop. 8 get passed.  One step forward, two steps back.  That is the American Waltz.

I apologize for not being able to rant to you all until this late in the evening today.  I am part of a group gallery show in Cleveland at a magical little place called “Shoparooni“, and I had to finish my piece and overnight ship it to them so they would have it tomorrow.  The opening is Friday night, and it’s a “plushform” show… which means it’s all hand painted little dolls!!!  So if you’re in the area, you really should go out to it.

So let’s all end this day with swelling happiness for the Obama victory, but keep the couples who have been hit hard by Prop 8 in your thoughts.  And let’s hope that now since we’ve got some good in the White House, we won’t have as many Prop 8 tragedies in our future.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Prop. 8 in California, and having to refrain from attacking old ladies before I’ve had my morning coffee….

It’s unfair to bombard someone with politics before they’ve had their morning coffee.  It can lead to violent tendencies and justifiable homicide.  Especially when you’re dealing with hot issues such as gay marriage, abortion, etc.  This morning, I had to fight every single natural urge surging through my body to keep from running a bunch of grannies over with my car because of exactly this (and even on my 2nd cup of coffee, I wish I HAD run them over).

We have a proposition on the table here in California threatening the sanctity of gay marriage.  It’s Proposition 8.  If Proposition 8 is passed on election day, it will define marriage as only being between a man and a woman.  Those conservative Bible-thumping piles of shit just can’t let others be happy and leave people alone.  They feel that EVERYONE has to live under their ancient and outdated doctrine, no matter how harmful and oppressive it may be.  These are the people that reaffirm my hatred of everything God-like, every single day. If their god is such a power-hungry bastard, then he had better stay off my side of the fence or I’ll beat him with a baseball bat.

So, this morning I’m driving Sully to school.  I’m still in my pajamas (which is routine… I don’t ever get dressed unless I have to), and half-awake because I haven’t had my morning coffee yet.  We pull up to the school, and across the street are groups of old ladies holding their “Vote YES on Prop 8; Save Marriage” signs.  I see red.  It’s 8:30 in the god damn morning!!!  And in front of a public school!!!  I fucking HATE these people!!!

Sully sees them.  He reads the signs.  He asks me “Who are they saving marriage from?”.  I tell him “They want to make it illegal for homosexual couples to get married legally”.  He says “Isn’t that homophobic?”.  I say, “Yes, honey…. very much so”.  His eyes narrow, and he growls under his breath “Hitler was homophobic, too”.  I have the BEST 10 year old on the planet.  He gives me a hug and a kiss, gets out of the car and walks to the school, looking back every few seconds and openly glaring at the old ladies.  Now I’m not only seeing red… I’m seeing blood and bile and fire and brimstone.  These stupid fucking old ladies have started my son’s day off with a big dose of ignorant social hatred and prejudice.  If they want to go and stand outside a mall, or at an intersection- that’s one thing.  But to stand in front of an elementary school and inflict their hate, stupidity, and religious oppression onto innocent children is just WRONG.  I parked the car and almost got out.  I sat there fuming and writhing in my seat, picturing the tire iron in the back of my car slamming into the face of one of the grannies who was wearing a sweatshirt that said “Grandmas for safe marriage” with little hearts on it.  I’m so fucking sick of these people.  Why don’t they all die already and let everyone else live in peace???!!!

But I didn’t get out.  Because I KNEW that if I confronted these ignorant women in that mental state, I would end up getting arrested.  And I preach non-violence to my son… so it wouldn’t be a very good example for him to see mommy getting hauled away by the police in front of his school in her pajamas and slippers after kicking the shit out of a bunch of old ladies.  But I did scream “GET CANCER AND DIE” at them when I drove past (immature… yes… but better than the tire iron scenario, so they got off lucky).

I’m just so sick of the ignorance in this country that it literally makes my stomach hurt.  Whether or not someone agrees with homosexuality, who the hell are they to tell ANYONE how they are allowed to live their life?  How is gay marriage being legal going to effect heterosexual marriage in ANY WAY?  Are the straight marriages out there all of a sudden going to be less valid, or change in some way?  Or are the religious conservatives out there SO selfish, hateful, and childish that they can’t stand the thought of people who they don’t like having the same rights as them?  Why do they care so much?  I honestly don’t understand it.

And this bullshit of letting the homosexual community only have the right to a commonlaw union, as long as they don’t call it a “marriage” is just insulting.  It’s “Separate but Equal” all over again.  “Separate but Equal” is a slap in the face to anyone having to live in it.  “Sure, we see your union as valid enough for you to share property rights, have medical authority over each other, share health insurance benefits, etc- BUT don’t you dare dirty our sanctity of marriage with your evilness”.  Why do the conservative Christians (the most hateful, harmful, and socially retarded religious group) get to set the rules for everyone else?  Why do they get to dictate the lives of so many people?  I FUCKING HAAAAAAAAAAAAATE THEM!!!!!!!!!!

I really hope these ignorant grannies aren’t there when I go to pick Sully up from school.  And if they are, I hope their god is ready to lend a hand if they say one word to me as I walk past them.  I don’t believe in god or Satan, but if they’re going to throw god at me, I might have to throw a little Satan back at them.  The 11th Satanic Rule of the Earth is this:

“11.  When walking in open territory, bother no one.  If someone bothers you, ask him to stop.  If he does not stop, destroy him.”

I like the sound of that.  (Too bad I don’t believe in religion, or else I’d join their team in a second)

TOO ALL YOU CALIFORNIANS- VOTE NO ON PROP. 8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!