Since this is my first posting on this little thingy, I’d like to state right off the bat that I’m a cusser. I use a lot of bad words. I use a lot of non-bad words and turn them into bad words. I’m very creative with this, and sometimes downright icky.

If this is a problem, please stop reading now and go on to a more “Full-House” “Cosby-esque” blog. I won’t be offended. I promise.

Today was a writhing pile of bile that just won’t stop oozing all over my shoes. And my husband, Brad, has chosen to play 1980’s German industrial music nonstop as I’m trying to decompress. Maybe he thinks this is funny. Actually- I KNOW he thinks this is funny. On any other day- it probably would be. But not today. Today, it is a parasite infested cherry on top of a rotted parasite infested moldy cupcake of a day.

I spent my day in a hamster ball. Running frantically from one tragically important errand to another- but all of this running in L.A. standstill traffic. Hence the hamster ball. Running running running… but only to find that you’ve been stuck under the sofa for the past hour, and have gotten nowhere.

Is any of this making sense? I can’t tell. Coherency is lost right now… all I can hear in my head is 1980’s German industrial music. Damn you, Brad.

I have a trade show in Las Vegas in 1 week. I found out today that only half of my samples are going to be made. And there are still about 5 different shirts that I need to pick up. This is bad. This is really really bad. Because I still need to get them screenprinted and embroidered. I still need to make the catalog- but how do I do this if half my line won’t even be at the show? The sales I make at these shows are what fund my business and all my living expenses for the next 6 months until the next show. How am I going to make this work? I have no fucking idea. Like I said… this is bad.

And Brad just turned to me and told me that for the next month, all he is going to listen to is 1980’s German industrial music. FFFFUUUUCCCKKKK!!! I must have participated in a lot of raping and pillaging in a previous life to have earned this.

Back to work related traumas… so the new line is going to be at the trade show incomplete. And in the midst of this, I’m supposed to be creative because on March 4th I leave to go to Cannes, France to participate in this:

This is a HUGE opportunity, and I am sincerely humbled and honored to be able to be a part of it… but I still have to finish the pieces for it, and there just aren’t enough hours in the day. And how am I supposed to be creative when I have a gun pointed at the base of my skull from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep? It doesn’t really set a “creative mood”.

And speaking of “the moment I go to sleep”… I’ve started sleepwalking again. I did this when I was younger- but it’s been literally decades since this bizarre habit has reared it’s ugly head. I was able to go through my first marriage, the expulsion of that first husband, the stresses of single motherhood, moving multiple times, and all other grown-up icky situations without this starting up again… but now- when I need to sleep the most- I wander through the house in the middle of the night in a zombie-like state. Brad found me last night curled up in the living room. He’s caught me multiple times coming back into the bedroom after wandering around for who-knows how long. I want to set up spy-cams in the house so I can see what I do during these nocturnal journeys. It’s got to be wonderfully bizarre to witness. But I wake up every morning feeling less-than-rested.

Right now, Brad’s trying to convince me of the genius behind the 1980’s German industrial music that he’s still listening to. I’m not fucking buying it. And even if it is genius- right now, all it’s doing is making me want to pour bleach in his eyes. I love you, darling Brad- but the joke is going too far… and you’re leaving me little choice but to retaliate in violence.

To sum up my day… I’m tired. Achingly tired to my very core. The kind of tired where all I want to do is cry… but I’m too tired to even do that. But my brilliant friend, Jen (she is one of the girls who runs www.All-mighty.net… go there and gaze at their splendor) told me that because I get alot of people reading my “myspace” blogs, that I should have an “official” one. And since I needed to turn my brain off and lay on the bed and do “nothing”- but I have no idea how to do “nothing”… so I started this thingy. This is me and Jen at the last trade show in Vegas. She was trying to keep my hair from taking me down (it’s sometimes a little stubborn and difficult to tame):

That’s all I have for the evening. We’ll see if I can continue to figure out how this blog site works, and I will keep updates on my midnight wanderings for all to enjoy.