Me vs Pre-teen Apathy
October 13, 2009
Filed under Parenting and all it's glory
Tags: apathy, Genius children, parenting
This could alternately be titled “My son is making me want to throw myself in front of a bus”.
Let me start by saying that I adore apathy… when it’s appropriately placed. There is something wonderfully freeing about just not caring about things that other people stress and drive themselves mad over. Religion? I don’t give a shit. What other people think of me? I don’t give a shit. How many women David Letterman, Bill Clinton, or anyone else screwed when they “weren’t supposed to”? I truly don’t give a shit. Is my car clean? I don’t care. Are the holes in my shoes? Don’t care. If I keep eating sugar in such large amounts I’ll be diabetic by the time I’m 40? Yawn… so what. Did I just cut you off in traffic and now you’re screaming and flipping me off? That’s actually pretty funny.
It’s when apathy is misplaced, and put where it can do serious potential damage to your future- that’s when it’s a big problem.
My 11 year old son is brilliant. I’m not just saying that out of blind parental pride. He really is. Actually, it’s fucking terrifying as to how smart he is (and some days, I wish he was a mouth-breathing drooler, because dumb kids are FAR easier to raise than smart kids… hands down). He is hilarious, and creative, and one of those oddball ultra-brainy types that has a bottomless pits’ worth of trivia and knowledge to toss out at random….
BUT because he’s too smart, he also has the manipulation skills of an adult (and not just an adult… but his manipulation tactics could put the most devious junkie stripper to shame). He has learned the art of lying- and will look you right in the eye with a smile and his brown eyes opened as “doe-eyed” as they can get and spin you tales of bullshit a mile long to get away with whatever misdeed he has done. He runs his teachers in circles. He can turn a classroom into a circus within 30 seconds if bored. He plays people as if they’re puppets (and sometimes actually is able to pull the wool over on me and Brad- which is astounding to all). I never really understood how someone could be “too smart for their own good” until I had Sullivan. I now get it…. all too well.
One of the problems with really smart kids is that they see through the “life’s rules” bullshit- and they don’t care to participate. Sully is one of those kids. Last year, they tested him to be in the gifted classes for junior high this year. He barely tried on the tests, and had one of the highest scores in his school (and the only reason he tried AT ALL is because I asked him to “do it for mom!”. If I hadn’t said that, he would have just sat and doodled on the edges of the paper). So this year, he has started off the year in the gifted classes. The homework that is supposed to take the kids at least 2 hours to do only takes him 20 minutes. When I give him practice tests at home for vocabulary (to which his vocab words are things like “Australopithecus”- and yes, I had to ask him how to spell that) or geography, he aces all of them. The work isn’t too hard for him. The amount of work isn’t too much for him. He is fully capable of breezing through his classes in his sleep.
So why is it he’s making 2 D’s and an F? Because the child doesn’t give a shit. Oh… he’s making an A in gym, and a B in math… but his strongest subjects- Reading, Language Arts and Social Studies (all the gifted classes), he’s flunking. He was reading at a high school level in 4th grade. He’s been studying cultures and sociology at home in his free time since he was a tiny tot. But these are the classes that he’s bombing out of. And it’s making me want to scream and pull my hair out.
Because of these grades, we have a mandatory 2 hour homework time at home. I don’t care if he’s done in 5 minutes… he has to sit there and read ahead or do extra credit for the rest of the 2 hours. He is grounded from the Wii, and his computer, and any movies except our National Geographic specials until the grades are up. And every night when proclaims “I’m done!” with his homework, I sit with him, go through it piece by piece, and make sure that it all is in fact completed.
So how, again, is he flunking these classes that are too easy for him and teaching him information that he already knows? Because he doesn’t bother to turn the homework in. Seriously. He’ll take the time to do it and put it in it’s appropriate folder to be given to the teacher the next day… and then he just doesn’t turn it in to her. Why? BECAUSE HE DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT!!!! He doesn’t care that his grades are crap and that he could get kicked out of the gifted classes. He doesn’t care that because of his shitty grades, he’s no longer allowed to do anything but read and draw in his free time. He just doesn’t care. We can’t get a coherent reason as to why he doesn’t care, because he’s so manipulative that he’ll give us mountains of excuses and explanations that he thinks excuse the behavior, or he’ll tell us what he thinks we want to hear…. and if it were any other kid, those excuses just might work. But we all KNOW that his excuses are nothing but stale and rank hot air… but he’s not giving up the truth. Period.
He’s not openly rebelling, because he gets upset that we’re upset about his grades. This isn’t an angsty pre-teen “fuck you, mom and dad! and fuck your establishment!”….. this is just 100% apathy towards the results of his lack of work. I’ve tried to talk to him about how doing well in school could open up alot of great things for him as an adult, and that it’s SO hard to get into the gifted classes so he should look at it as an honor, and all that bla bla “>bla bla parental babble. But does that stuff ever really get through to kids? Of course not.
So I’m at a loss with what to do with him. If he gets himself kicked out of the gifted classes, I’m sure his father will hop on a plane from Kansas so that Sully can actually see the rage in his eyes. And I KNOW that the regular classes will be so boring for him that he’ll quickly make ALL F’s instead of just 1. But I don’t know what to do with him. I’m bending over backwards to help him, his teachers are bending over backwards to help him… but how do you make someone give a fuck about something when they’re determined to not give a fuck?
Help? Anyone???? Because I’m out of ideas.
Trying to pull myself out of hiding only to be met by vampires….
September 13, 2009
Filed under Parenting and all it's glory, Raise your hand if your sick of "Feelings"
Tags: childhood fights, Ernest Becker, I hate Vampires, parenting, Thanatologist
Things have been rough in the Ferrell house- so I’ve been hiding (something I do too well). I have a love/hate relationship with isolation…. it’s my security blanket when things get sticky, and I fall into “recluse-mode” far too easily- but it makes me weird and jumpy and intolerant of society and the people around me. I get too hyper-focused with myself and others (because I have nothing else to focus on because of my removal from life’s distractions), and am all-around difficult to deal with. In my experience, life’s distractions are necessary. Ernest Becker (a cultural anthropologist and Thanatologist) theorized that we are all abundantly aware of our own mortality, and in order to cope with it we fill our lives with as many distractions as possible to convince ourselves we are immortal (I really love Becker… he was kindof super brilliant). I don’t think I’m trying to escape the awareness of my mortality (because as far as my consciousness is concerned, I’ve very ok with it)… but who knows what’s really going on in our subconscious. All I know is that if I don’t have tedious distractions and social outlets- I get creepy. So as part of my multi-faceted plan to ward off the creepies, I’m going to write on here at least 3 or 4 times a week. So you’ll be hearing alot from me in the future (and if you don’t, you’ll know that I’ve failed my plan).
So onto distractions…..
Sully got in his first fist-fight at school. 1 week into the school year, and he’s duking it out in the boy’s locker-room. He has always been picked on and bullied by kids because he’s different and brainy and doesn’t give a shit about “fitting in” and is socially awkward. These elements will serve him well in highschool and college when individuality becomes something to strive for… but in elementary school and junior high- they are bully magnets. Apparently, he started an argument with another kid, and then the other kid decided to throw the first punch- and Sully kicked his ass so bad the other kid was crying. I have very mixed feelings about this. My “June Cleaver Parental Side” is frustrated that he started the argument, and also that he didn’t take the necessary steps to diffuse the situation or walk away because violence is no way to argue. BUT then there’s the other side… the primal Mama Lion side that jumps up and screams “FUCK YEAH!!! GIVE THAT LITTLE BRAT WHAT HE DESERVES FOR THROWING THE FIRST PUNCH!!!”. Immature- I know. But after watching Sully come home in tears for years after being picked on, and having to “suck it up” and tolerate the intolerance and cruelty of other kids… a part of me LOOOOOVED that he beat this kid down, and in turn showed all the other boys in the locker room that he is not a child to be fucked with. He fought back when threatened- and he won. Now, the responsible June Cleaver side of me gave him the appropriate lecture, and we went over all the ways that he could avoid fights in the future- but in my head, I was smiling. And when he and the other boy met with the principal, and the other boy almost got the police called on him because during this altercation he threatened to bring a gun to school and shoot Sully (idle childish threat- but one that school systems have ZERO tolerance for), and Sully walked away from the situation without any punishment… again, in my head, I was smiling. I’m trying to keep those smiles hidden because I don’t want to give Sully the wrong message… but they’re so very there.
On another note… will someone PLEASE explain to me why vampires have such a stronghold on our society right now? I went into Borders the other day, and there is an entire literature section dedicated to vampire stories. Suspense novels, romance novels, and even a “Young Adult” section where vampire stories have become the new “Sweet Valley High”. It’s creeping me the fuck out, and I don’t understand it. Granted, I’ve never read the Twilight books (nor do I have any desire to do so), and I won’t even go near the “True Blood” tv show (which Brad secretly watches downloaded episodes on his iPod- but admits that it’s total shit, but addicting… kindof like fast food in the way that it temporarily satisfies, but has no nutritional value and fills you with guilt and bloat after ingesting). The only worthwhile vampire story that I’ve seen since I was a kid and watched (and LOVED) “The Lost Boys” was this Swedish(?) film Brad turned me onto called “Let the Right One In”… and it is actually the sweetest love story ever that just happens to be “Vampire motivated”. But aside from that, I would really really like for all this vampire stuff to go away for a while. It’s just gotten out of control, and feels like 14 year old goth kids have taken over our media.
On that note, I’m off to make Sully do his homework, and work in the yard. But I’ll leave you with a photo from my recent trip to Las Vegas for a trade show selling sunglasses for my day job (and if you’re curious as to where I work, you can see it at www.isunscape.com). My lovely friend Jen came as my sales assistant, and we found the most beautiful restaurant in Caesar’s Palace where the walls are all aquariums. Beautiful….
I hope your day is filled with lovelyness.
Rampant and irresponsible breeding should be a punishable offence…
February 1, 2009
Filed under Parenting and all it's glory, Politics
Tags: Duggars, Nadya Suleman, octuplets, Overbreeding, parenting
Before reading on, check out the story on the mother of the new octuplets…
Grandma: Octuplets mom obsesed with having kids
When I first read about this mother-of-8, the media had yet to release the name or any other information about her- so I refrained from ranting until getting all the facts. Now I have them. My response?
Vomit vomit vomit fucking VOMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is complete and utter bullshit on so many levels that I don’t even know where to begin. There is no excuse for this, and I see having this many babies at once (or having this many babies PERIOD) as irresponsible to the degree of neglect, and should be punishable as such. And then to read that the mother of these new babies has 6 other children, no job, lives with her parents, and is psychologically unstable… and a fertility doctor went ahead and loaded her up with embryos anyways? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?????
Let’s put this disgusting individual lady aside, and look at how many children one family should have. I can’t say what the exact number of kids per couple should be- but over 10 is WAY too many. There are over 6 and a half BILLION people on this planet… do we really need more? Really?? It’s selfish and grotesquely narcissistic for someone to think they are so spectacular that they need to reproduce their genetic code that many times. It honestly makes me ill. I have 1 child. The amount of time, money, energy, work, and attention that 1 child needs is intense…. but fully necessary. And every child born deserves that amount of time, energy, work and attention in order to grow into a healthy and functioning adult. Every child you have cuts that amount of time and attention down, and doubles the work load (and the expenses). These aren’t puppies or kittens we’re talking about… they’re people. And their emotional and psychological growth depends on the parents. So when a couple decides to have litters of children- how are they going to keep a thumb on the development of each one and have the time to give special attention that is so vital to every single one of those kids? They can’t. Even if they have the financial resources for 1 of the parents to stay at home with the kids all day- that’s still too many kids. In a day care center, BY LAW there needs to be 1 adult for every 3-4 kids. So how, by law, is it appropriate for there to be 1 parent to 14 or 16 or even 18 kids (like those sick demented fuckers the Duggars). Yes, I know that alot of the Duggar kids are now older and can care for themselves, but what about when they were little? How much attention did they get? And what about this tragedy of a human who just had 8 babies, with 6 already at home (all 6 are under the age of 7, one of them being autistic). That’s 14 children all under the age of 7, and a special needs child being raised by a single parent. Yes, these children will be neglected. And this is a tragedy. My mom was an only child, so she wanted alot of kids. But my parents have common sense, and knew that creating alot of kids on their own was socially irresponsible. So they wanted to have 2, and adopt 2. My older brother and I were adopted, then they had my little brother… and then they said “woah… ok… that’s enough!!”. My mom has told me that you should only have as many kids as you have hands… because the one who’s hand your not holding at all times is running with scissors in traffic towards that stranger with candy. 2 hands = 2 kids. That makes sense to me! (and on a global scale, with overpopulation being the #1 cause of all our environmental problems, it makes even more sense).
What about the doctors who allowed Nadya Suleman (the octuplet’s mother) to get in vitro fertilization, without any regard for her mental state of mind or her current financial ability to care for these kids? Her own mother has publicly announced that Nadya is mentally unstable- so why didn’t the doctors take the time to find this out? Their job is to make sure this woman has kids… so doesn’t it make sense that they should take a few minutes before embarking on this task to make sure that she’s MENTALLY FIT to have more kids? Or at least financially prepared to take this on (Nadya is currently unemployed and lives with her parents)? And how is it responsible to allow her to carry ALL 8 babies when she already has 6 at home? Is it really that big of a deal to pluck a few of them out once realizing that all the eggs stuck? I don’t care what your stance on abortion is… it is NOT GOD’S WILL or natural in any way for 1 woman to carry and give birth to 8 babies at one time (which is why it took a team of 46 doctors to deliver them). Why are the guidelines for adopting a baby that is already born and waiting for a family stricter than the guidelines for undergoing insane medical treatments for creating a herd of babies? If Nadya went to an adoption agency and told them she wanted to adopt more babies- after glancing at her current situation (already having too many kids and not having any income), they would laugh and slam the door in her face because she’s not fit to care for any more. So why didn’t the fertility doctors take the time to investigate this? I would think that the mere fact that after 6 kids, she would want to be a single parent to more would throw up some red flags. AND HOW DID SHE PAY FOR THE FERTILITY TREATMENTS????!!!! That shit isn’t cheap.
This should be considered a crime. Nadya’s own mother sees it as such. All 14 of those children are going to suffer and have difficult lives because their nut-job of a mother couldn’t stop making babies. Shame on Nadya Suleman; shame on every one of the doctors who helped her create horrible futures for these babies; shame on Nadya’s family for not intervening in this situation before she created a dozen + new lives to care for when they KNEW she wasn’t right in the head; and if there is a God, I hope to hell it gives these new babies a little extra attention- because they sure as fuck aren’t going to get it at home. ALL her kids are going to need all the help they can get.
And Oprah had better not give this lady a dime, or an ounce of praise. Seriously.
