Birthday Shmirthday…. bla bla bla vomit….

3 Apr

I hate birthdays. I don’t hate other people’s birthdays- those are fun (that is, if I remember them… which I never do). But I hate celebrating my birthday. I also hate holidays (except Halloween- dressing up for candy is always a good time)… but today we’re talking about birthdays. When I lived in Kansas, a bunch of friends and I who all had March/April birthdays would have a big group party… but I enjoyed this because it never fell exactly on my birthday. It was more of a concrete excuse to get all our friends together, and I had a valid reason to get a babysitter. I don’t know exactly why my loathing of holidays and my birthday exists- but every year no matter how much I tell myself “I’m not going to grump out this year”, I always do. It’s a firmly ingrained knee-jerk reaction… and since it only rears it’s ugly head once a year, I’m not going to bother to pick it apart and try to fix it.

Every year, all I ask for is to have a “quiet day”. A day where I can close the doors behind me, not have to do dishes and laundry and house cleaning and litterbox cleaning and child rearing and business calls and webstore updates and inventory and quickbooks and all the daily bullshit that leaves me staring at the ceiling blankly by the end of the day. Just shut the office doors and paint. Or go drive around. Or go for a walk. Simple things. Not-having-to-think things. I just want to be left the fuck alone. Not only is that very little to ask- but it’s the cheapest birthday present on the market. But every year, do I get that? Fuck no. Never. And it makes me that much more jaded and sets me up for more volatile grumpfests on future birthdays.

Yesterday was supposed to be my “quiet birthday” day. It was far from that. 3 days ago I asked Brad to call his parents and reschedule going out to dinner with them for my “birthday dinner” because I knew I wouldn’t be in the mood for socializing. He told me he took care of it. At 9am yesterday morning I had to drive in the most craptastic traffic all the way into downtown LA for Brad to drop off some work stuff for him… an hour and a half each way. When I got home, there was a message on our machine from Brad’s mom telling us the time and place to meet them for the dinner that Brad was supposed to reschedule- but didn’t. After texting Brad and telling him in a not-so-nice-way that me wanting some “alone time” really wasn’t a huge thing to ask for, he responded by telling me that he’d leave me alone. Which meant that he decided to not come home until about 11pm that night… which left me to get Sully from school, fight him on doing his homework, deal with him and his little buddy tearing through the house all afternoon and trying to keep them from getting into my art supplies because they were on an arty-mission, dinner, dishes, taking care of the sick cat, dealing with a Sully-melt-down that lasted an hour and a half because he wanted to stay up an extra half-hour, etc etc etc. Happy fucking birthday, me.

So Brad… if you’re reading this (which he never does), keep in mind for next year… what went down yesterday is NOT what I want for my birthday. I don’t need presents, or a fancy dinner, or flowers, or even a fucking card. All I want is to take the day off from life. If I got that, even once, then MAYBE I wouldn’t be so fucking grumpy the next year when my birthday rolls around.

Though I did get in the mail from my little brother and future-sister-in-law the first season of “Degrassi Junior High” box set- and it is pure amazement. Jeffy and Michelle get an A+ for the day. But Brad, honey… you flunked. But there will be a make-up opportunity next year… so don’t fucking blow it.


12 Responses to “Birthday Shmirthday…. bla bla bla vomit….”

  1. melancholymonday April 3, 2008 at 1:27 pm #

    Oh, honey, I’m sorry!! Today’s my birthday and it’s been business as usual here too, but I’m not nearly as busy as you are. My birthday present is to not have to cook. We’re going out to a Mexican restaurant. I love Mexican and no one else really does, so every year, we go eat Mexican food. Travis did let me sleep in this morning and he got the kids ready for school, BUT he wasn’t happy about it and all the rushing around woke me up anyway…

    Last year, I planned out a bar hopping party because I was 30 and “I’m never having another birthday again!” Maybe you should plan out a vacation next year. Get a sitter to pick up Sully (or tell Brad it’s his problem) and just go spend the day somewhere quiet.

  2. Kristen Ferrell April 3, 2008 at 1:41 pm #

    that’s a good idea…. except that i might not come home. hahahaha!!!

    πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  3. Lemissa April 3, 2008 at 8:32 pm #

    next year just run away…don’t take your phone, don’t tell anyone where you will be…just sneak out the door after everyone is asleep and leave a little note that says Happy Birthday to me…see you tomorrow!

  4. Cassie April 4, 2008 at 5:47 am #

    Happy late birthday lady.
    I agree with the suggestion above. Just slip out leaving a note stating “Fend for yourselves boys I’ll see you tomorrow” and go have a fantastic stress free day painting at the beach or something.
    How is miss Daisy doing anyway??

  5. Kristen Ferrell April 4, 2008 at 8:19 am #

    ya know, that idea is sounding better and better. i think i might just do that. πŸ™‚

    and daisy is not doing well. when cats feel sick, they sometimes go on a “hunger strike” and refuse to eat or drink. so even though we’re pumping her full of medication- she’s not getting better because she’s refusing water and food. and the antibiotics she’s on make her kidneys work overtime- which makes it vital that she get enough water. so yesterday i had to get one of those baby animal syringe feeders and i’ve had to start force feeding her and making her drink water with it. i HATE HATE HATE having to do this… it breaks my heart. but my heart would completely shatter if she died- so hopefully this will get her feeling better. 😦

  6. whitney April 4, 2008 at 10:18 am #

    i watched “into the wild” last night…. i think “alex” had a nice idea of getting away. maybe next year you should do everything he did but cram it all into one day. just don’t eat the roots of the wild sweet pea flower………. πŸ˜‰

    happy belated my lovely!

  7. Kristen Ferrell April 4, 2008 at 10:20 am #

    i should see “into the wild” and take notes.
    anything would be better than this year’s non-celebration.


  8. Ashley April 4, 2008 at 5:52 pm #

    I flunked too!!! I need to send you your stuff! I’m sorry your Birthday stunk. That’s all I ever want too, and cake, wait…. do you mean to tell me, that CAKE, REALLY isn’t on your list? HA! If I was near you, I would bake you the yummiest cake on the planet!

  9. Kristen Ferrell April 4, 2008 at 7:36 pm #

    i love you, ashley.
    i bought myself a carrot cake from the grocery store.
    it was totally gross.

    it’s depressing to buy yourself a birthday cake, and then even more depressing when you’ve bought yourself a sucky one. i double-sucker-punched myself.

    why didn’t you move to california with me, damnit?

  10. xoxonicole April 12, 2008 at 12:38 pm #

    awww, kristin that sucks balls. and big hairy ones at that. i love other peoples’ birthdays but mine always ends up sucking– some sorta stressful bullshit always surfaces itself. bahhumbug. your birthday was the day after my little brother turned 16. fucking weird, he is totally not a little dude anymore &i’m just weirded out by that. my boyfriend’s birthday was last tuesday but i was working/in class all day, so yesterday we threw this big pirate party &i made cupcakes &”skull-cakes” ..would have been even cooler if i ever had frosted them, but alas, the stressful shit was hitting the fan &i said “fuck it” &started drinking. ha, now i have 32 naked cupcakes and like 6 skullcakes &i don’t know what to fucking do with them!

    that was really long.. i just wanted to post this!

  11. xoxonicole April 12, 2008 at 12:39 pm #

    ok wtf it didn’t work…

  12. Kristen Ferrell April 12, 2008 at 12:47 pm #

    hahahahhahahaha!!!! i loved that little picture!!!

    ya know, i’m just sick of the “birthday pressure”. i’m totally in the doghouse right now for not going out to my birthday dinner. i don’t understand it! if all i want for my birthday is to be left alone- why is that so hard? it seems that i’m doing everyone a favor by relieving them of the pressure of gifts or whatever!! i’m saving them time and money! but instead i get guilted and grumped at. totally annoying.

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