Kansas mingles with California, and walks away with icky feelings…

5 Apr

Every once in a while, Brad will work those big outdoor all-day concerts with 12 million bands playing (very few of which I’ve ever heard of).  I always avoided these types of shows because they are annoying, overpriced, overstimulating, overcrowded, and all around not worth it.  But when Brad works these shows, it’s basically him standing around for hours waiting to set up gear, quickly setting up gear, quickly making sure all the gear is working while the band is playing, quickly taking down gear, then waiting around for hours, then loading out gear.  It’s those “waiting around for hours” periods where I somehow become involved. It’s not as bad when he coerces me to go to these with him, because the “overcrowded” and “overstimulating” aspects of it are taken out since I’m backstage… but being backstage is a whole different type of discomfort that is just as bad as being out in the crowd- but in a more awkward way.  A way that makes your insides churn and you find yourself in a constant state of cringing.  ESPECIALLY out here in sunny California.

I’m going to preface my harsh judging of “books by their covers” here by stating that I don’t often choose to see bands play (when I say “choose”, I mean that Brad takes me to see alot of bands- but very few are ones that I would ever see on my own accord).  And when I do choose to see bands play, they have to be someone I really love.  And then at the show, I prefer to be off to the side, away from the crowd.  I watch the band while minding my own business, then I get the fuck out as soon as they’re done.  I don’t want to meet them.  I don’t want their autograph.  I don’t want their picture.  I don’t want to know anything about them.  Just the music, then run.  I just don’t fucking care enough for anything more- no matter who they are (except maybe Neil Diamond).

But backstage at an Orange County big music festival, it is the creepiest ass-kissing douchebag extravaganza that you could ever behold.  I was supposed to be there the whole evening with Brad- but I could only endure 2 hours of it and then I had to flee.  Scores of young ladies dressed in their hipster designer best inching closer and closer to the musicians of their liking; scores of not-so-young ladies in their “I’m still a hipster- REALLY!! PLEASE BELIEVE ME!!!” best (ie: fluorescent spandex pants, tube tops, micro-mini skirts, etc) laughing waaay to loud and acting waaay too flamboyantly in hopes to regain that center-of-attention feel they once had when they were a young lady hipster; scores of guys with the “ironic moustache” (you know what I’m talking about… and it’s no longer ironic) strutting around trying to get the scores of young lady hipsters to maybe suck them off after the show if the band dudes reject their eye-batting and designer hipster clothing; scores of older guys still clinging to zipper stretch pants, “wacky” neon colored button up shirts, and whatever else 1996 male “punk” fashion had to offer… etc.  As Brad did his part of “quickly setting up gear”, I just watched them all… and got a stomach ache.  And missed Kansas alot.  And had to make a conscious effort to keep from screaming at the top of my lungs “WHAT THE HOLY FUCK AM I DOING HERE????!!!!  YOU ARE NOT MY PEOPLE!!!  YOU ARE SCARY PEOPLE!!!  WHERE ARE MY PEOPLE????!!!”…. and it was a VERY hard task to keep from screaming this.  I spend most of my time with my kid and my cats, so awareness of my own social proper behavior is on a massive decline.

But, fortunately for me, the night before I had eaten a gigantic dinner of pasta and ice cream (neither of which I’m allowed to eat because of my blood-sugar problem- though it never ever stops me), and was irresponsible enough to not eat properly enough today to keep myself from feeling skittish and dizzy- so I got a free pass and left Brad to finish his job, and endure the clown parade on his own.  He likes having me at these nightmares because I will give him a blow-by-blow commentary of all the horrible and vicious things that roll through my head- and it always makes him laugh and laugh, and his job is no longer boring.  But the combo of my surroundings and of my ill-feelings made the situation just way to much to take today.

I don’t think I’ll be ever attending another one of those festivals again.  They are a vicious slap-in-the-face reminder of all the things I miss about my beautiful people in Kansas, and an even harsher reminder of what I have gotten myself into by living out here in Southern California**.

I’m now going to escape into the troubled world of the kids from “Degrassi Junior High” and draw icky pictures to purge all my icky feelings.  “Degrassi Junior High” is my new true love, and it makes everything better.  You should all go rent every season of it right now.  And then we can all discuss it and be 1980’s Canadian geeks together.

**Disclaimer: Yes, there are wonderful people in Southern California.  Not all of them are creepy gonad weirdos.  I have tons of amazing friends out here… so please don’t get all screamy at me because I made a swooshing judgement of Southern Californians. I’m just venting.  Thank you.


10 Responses to “Kansas mingles with California, and walks away with icky feelings…”

  1. whitney April 5, 2008 at 10:32 pm #

    no offense taken….. california sucks.
    and so do those outdoor festivals.

  2. juju galaxie April 5, 2008 at 11:34 pm #

    hideous…..l used to work in that world….I WILL NEVER MISS IT!!

  3. janai April 6, 2008 at 6:35 am #

    I loved that degrassi. Loved lol

  4. Kristen Ferrell April 6, 2008 at 8:26 am #

    Brad is really good at turning his brain off to the bullshit. I’m not. I get really weirded out by all of it, and it makes me feel all creepy. I just don’t understand making an ass out of yourself for the attention of someone just because they’re onstage or because they make music that you like. If they were standing behind a checkout counter at 7-11, these same girls wouldn’t throw themselves at them like this. It’s bizarre.

    And Degrassi Junior High is brilliant beyond words. Fully.

  5. aprilfalling April 6, 2008 at 5:22 pm #

    i was at the melrose swap meet today hipster watching as danielle and i scarfed down the best veggie dogs this side of town.. same amount of spandex, but feathers had a one up on neon. oh those earthy hipsters!

  6. butcherbaby April 6, 2008 at 10:02 pm #

    aprilfalling- LOL! i have a booth at that market, and i know exactly what you mean! i LOVE people watching there….hipsters, plastic hollywood wives, anorexic fashionistas and just total freaks- that place has it all.

  7. Kristen Ferrell April 7, 2008 at 8:28 am #

    Feathers? Really? Fuck… I’m not sure how to take that.
    What has me really perplexed is the fact that super high-waisted pants have made a comeback. Those were vomitous enough in the ’80’s… we do not need to revisit them.
    I’m going to HAVE to go to the swap meet- just to eye the people.

  8. Candice April 8, 2008 at 11:42 am #

    Ahhhh that hipster rant just made my day. Thanks for getting that off my chest! I’ve been thinking about moving from Portland down to San Fran (for school), but that exact scenario that you described has me cringing at the thought! People in Portland seem to know how to “express themselves” without being total asswipes. I guess something happens to people when they cross that Cali. state line!

  9. Dee Stroi April 8, 2008 at 4:57 pm #

    Degrassi Junior High rules! Liz is my favorite character. The Zits rule!

  10. Andrea Jay April 8, 2008 at 7:01 pm #

    anytime you want to chat Degrassi, im down. im canadian, so ive be watching the show for many years. there is even Degrassi books for the collectors.

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