It isn’t rocket science… I swear!

8 Apr

I have a very simple name.  Kristen Kay Ferrell.  Pretty basic.  A good balance of vowels and consonants… not too tricky.  But for some reason,  noone on the planet can get it right.  Ever.

Phonetically, the pronunciation of it is :Kri (the ‘i’ pronounced the same as in ‘itch’) sten Fe (the ‘e’ pronounced the same as in ‘error’) rre (‘e’ again as in ‘error’)ll

Easy on the brain… right?  Apparently not.

It has been pronounced in every possible variation, and misspelled in the most incredible ways.  I just don’t get this.  I can count on one hand the number of people who have gotten it right the first time.  My first name is usually fucked by calling me one of these variations: Christine, Kirstin, Christian, Crystal, etc… and I had one bizarre lady call me Kirstain…. Kirstain!!!  Who on the planet or in the history of time has EVER been named Kirstain?  Are you kidding me?

But it’s the last name that people go nuts with.  I didn’t think that ‘Ferrell’ was a very uncommon name.  But apparently this makes people’s heads spin in circles with confusion.  It’s most commonly mispronounced “Farrel” (with a long ‘a’ sound at the beginning).  But has been butchered with variations such as “Farley”, “Frell”, “Ferret” (yes… Ferret), and the most recent one… “Farlow”.

It’s the most recent one that made me lay on the floor and laugh.  I had to call Verizon because our internet was being a flacid pile of shit, and I had to verify the name on the account.  This is the following conversation that made me giggle so much that I had to hang up and call back to get a different “tech-support” guy.

Verizon: Can you please verify the name on the account?

Me: It’s ‘Kristen Ferrell’

Verizon: Um- can you spell that please?

Me: Yeah… it’s K-r-i-s-t-e-n F-e-r-r-e-l-l

Verizon: ‘Christine Farlow’… is that correct?

Me: If you mean ‘Kristen Ferrell’, then yeah- that’s correct.

Verizon: Ok Miss Farlow, how can I help you?

Not only did I spell it for him, but I sounded it out for him as well so there would be no confusion.  This seriously happens almost daily.  Brad has taken to calling me “Kierstine Farfazio” because of this, and my friends all have different versions of this that I’m referred to by because they have all witnessed this.

I really don’t care how people pronounce my name- but I just don’t see how on a daily basis this happens so often.  Brad’s real last name isn’t Logan- it’s D’lugacz.  But as a kid, he got nicknamed “Brad Logan”, and it just stuck (I’ve never been able to get the real reason for the nickname, but I’m going to assume since it was coined in the 1980’s, he had some sort of punker “Wolverine” type hairdo or something).  He had his last name legally changed to “Logan” a few years ago because people only knew him as Brad Logan, and it got screwy when he had people book flights for him for tours, or send him checks for work payment and put down the wrong last name.  But the amazing thing is that I’ve seen more people be able to correctly pronounce D’lugacz than I’ve seen be able to pronounce my name.  So I know it isn’t retardation or illiteracy- because if you can properly pronounce a greek name that has more consonants than vowels, then why the fuck is a bland irish name that is properly balanced out such a phonetic trauma?

On a lighter note, the kitten that cost me a small fortune last week with her infected-eye-near-death-experience is now MUCH better.  She still can’t really open her bad eye, but she’s running around acting as if nothing ever happened and is back to destroying everything in the house.  But I think that Lila’s attack on her that led to the emergency vet visit was meant to kill Daisy, because Lila has been sulking around the house, and now growls every time Daisy walks within 15 feet of her.  We have to keep these 2 ladies separated at all times now because I can’t afford another visit to the vet because of Lila’s murder attempts.  It’s just like having rival children… but these kids have claws and no issues with gutting each other.  I’m just glad that all our boy cats are too stupid to know that they have the option of hating each other.


18 Responses to “It isn’t rocket science… I swear!”

  1. jamie April 8, 2008 at 11:01 am #

    not only can no one on earth spell “Jamie” properly [it’s amazing how many vowels people think are in it!!], but apparently, “Baird” is a very difficult name to pronounce properly.

    SO: i hear ya.

    and i live in a city where people can rattle of Polish names like no tomorrow.

  2. hayley April 8, 2008 at 11:11 am #

    haha most people always forget the first “y” in my name. and not only that but my last name “Grzybowski” is a whole new level of retardedness whenever people ask for my last name. they kind of just get quiet and wait for me to spell it for them

  3. Candice April 8, 2008 at 11:51 am #

    My last name is Harrell. I feel your pain.

  4. Caitlin April 8, 2008 at 1:03 pm #

    Hahahah! I totally understand.
    Last month someone called me Catherine, and people usually get my last name wrong and say “Skills” or “Sails” or something like that. It’s frustrating.

  5. Kristen Ferrell April 8, 2008 at 3:43 pm #

    i can see people screwing it up every once in a while… but when it happens EVERY FUCKING TIME it starts to really make me wonder if the literacy level of the country is really quite a bit worse than we ever imagined.

  6. Dee Stroi April 8, 2008 at 4:55 pm #

    Yay I’ve been pronouncing your name right! it doesnt seem that hard to me. I always enjoy reading your blogs. They make me giggle. Nobody ever says my name right either. Its Deanna. But they usually say Diane or Diana. I even get called Danielle sometimes.

  7. joeyyy April 8, 2008 at 10:52 pm #

    Joey is short for Joellyn.
    Yeah, try living with that!

    If people see it spelled out they can never pronounce it…. and if they heard it they can pronounce, but rarely spell, it.

    Three syllables.
    Rocket science.

    And I’ve been saying your name right! But I always giggle and imagine *feral kittens or something.

    *Its possible that I pronounce feral strangely because it’s the same way you hooked-on-phonics your name out. Yay, Wisconsin! :p

  8. Jennifer D. April 8, 2008 at 11:09 pm #

    I have three things to contribute.
    1. Just today I said “I’m Jen,” to someone and they replied, “Kathy it was nice to meet you.” Daking seems easy to me too, but it baffles people. OH and Todd’s last name is Mohney (like the Billy Idol somg), and even if he writes it down, people assume he’s misspelled his own name and call him MAhOney.

    2. I watched an episode of America’s Next Top Model this weekend in which none of the girls could read the world magenta. MAGENTA!!! So yes, literacy is on the decline. Most of the girls said magnetic!

    3. This one is unrelated to the subject at hand, but relates to you. I got chased by a hummingbird. And I ran.


  9. Jennifer D. April 8, 2008 at 11:11 pm #

    Wow, I got so heated up there that I spelled some words wrong, I should really proof read more often.

  10. Tawni April 9, 2008 at 4:47 am #

    Here’s every introduction in my life, ever:

    Me: “Hi, my name is Tawni.”

    Them: “Tonya?”

    Me: “Taw-ni.”

    Them: “Tammy?”

    Me: “No, TAH-nee.”

    Them: “Toni?”

    Me: “TAWNNN…EEEE. TAWNY. Like the color.”

    Them: “Tommy?”

    Me: ” Nooooo… TAWNY. TAH-NEE. TAWNI!!”

    Them: “Twani?”

    Me: “Yes, Twani.” *punches stranger in face*

    I dreaded every roll call and first day of class beause of the odd name my mother saddled me with. My maiden/childhood last name was “Prosser,” so that became “Prowzer,” “Prose-er” and even “Processor.” I SO feel your name pronunciation pain, sister.

    Hooked on Phonics, people! Learn it, live it!

    On the less frustrating side, I’m so glad Daisy is doing better. 🙂 xoxoxoxoxoxoxo.

  11. Janai April 9, 2008 at 6:05 am #

    My name is Janai Pellot
    Jah-nay (juh-nay works also) Pell-LOT
    Its not as hard as it looks. Teachers NEVER get my name right. I had a teacher for 2 years and she STILL Ja-NIGH (as in night) Pellet.
    Now I just let people fuck it up. I don’t expect most people to get it right anyway. B/c this world is full of stupid people.

    But yours is 25times easier.
    Sorry for the stupid people that get it wrong.

    And woohoo for daisy!

  12. Cassie April 9, 2008 at 6:11 am #

    Before I was allowed to take my maiden name back I was saddled with Shineman for 7 years. I have been referred to Cinnamon, Shinnmen, and all sorts of various things that weren’t my last name. Since it was really mine, I didn’t care.
    My daughter’s name is Lillith, Lily for short. I never knew how many people would have trouble pronouncing Lillith OR have trouble putting the right amount of l’s in each version of her name! Two in Lily, three in Lillith. Simple, right. Wrong.

    I am happy that Daisy is getting better and that I have been pronouncing your name right as well! Allthough I figured you would have corrected me the one time I met ya at first Fridays @ Spool.

  13. Katrin April 9, 2008 at 7:21 am #

    That is really weird.
    And I think it is kind of unprofessional for Juxtapoz that even they cannot spell your name right 😦
    I could somehow understand that people mix up Kristen and Kirsten but how can you pronounce Ferrell wrong? Even around here the actor of the same name is a household name 🙂

    And I am also so happy that Daisy is better!

  14. TaraRist April 9, 2008 at 8:25 am #

    The worst I’ve ever encountered was when my Health Care had to be switched over when I turned 18. I was talking to a man on the phone and he was verifying my information. He asked me my name and I told him what it was and my first and middle names are Tara Alyce (pronounced Ah-Lease). He must have just had Tara A. Lastname because after I told him my full name he said to me, “Ok, so your name is Tara and your middle initial is 4.”….
    I was silent for a little while… I contemplating fucking with him and agreeing that yes indeed, my middle name was 4lyce. However, I was getting a little frustrated with the whole switching over my health care so that I could now pay for it so I just kindly explained that it was an A and not a four.

    This just proves to me that there are quite a few people in the world who can be considered morons. In my eyes at least.

  15. Kristen Ferrell April 9, 2008 at 8:43 am #

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 4??!! Was he serious? That’s just bizarre!!

    Tawni- I’m sure that if they can’t get “Kristen” right, then you’re in hell with this. Just nod and smile when they get it wrong… that’s what I do now.

    and Katrin- yes, Juxtapoz has only gotten my name right once. It’s a little frustrating when it’s spelled wrong in large publications. Aren’t they supposed to have proofreaders and people who do fact checks and things like that?… but I’m not going to complain too much though, because I’m just pleased to be in there.

    and Jennifer… watch out for those hummingbirds!!! They are TOTALLY vicious!!! And too quick to see them coming.

  16. Aine April 9, 2008 at 10:48 am #

    Okay, so I feel you, I feel you I FEEL YOU! I’ve had to change my name when I get coffee everyday because no matter what they never seem to get my name correct and yeah its fucking werid looking cause it probably looks like how you would pronounce the last three letters of P-ain, which is ALWAYS something that I’ve gotten. But in reality my name is (Uh-Nay) my parents even mispronounced it when I was young it was supposed to be said (An-ya) but by the time they figured that out I was like “Who the fuck is that An-ya girl?”
    Anyway, I notorisouly have problems with my teachers, in high school, everyone knew me so they would just correct the teacher for me. But now in college its just way more awkward in front of like 200 snickering people I have to be like “UH-NAY Henderson” One professor that I freaked at was this one older man who just could NOT get my name down and then half way through the semester he says “You know what? You should just change your name.” I go, “You know what? You should just learn to say it!” That was the first and last time I’d ever snapped about my name cause normally I’m just like yeah, its werid, get over it. I just recently noticed that one of my best friends didn’t even know how to spell it correctly. I laughed and laughed. So I complete understand where you’re coming from. Like its funny for a while and then your like “serisouly, are you retarded? Because I KNOW what I said and I know that I said it right, so why don’t you just open your ears?”

  17. whitney April 9, 2008 at 2:23 pm #

    i’ve gotten: whitley, whittany, witiny, wendy (most common) and somehow have been mistaken for a boy?!?!!? that was only ONCE thank god….
    i don’t get it.

    hope yr day’s going well kurstin fairall. ;P

    oh!- glad to hear about daisy!
    female cats tend not to get along with one another.
    we’ve got all males and theyre too dopey to get
    what a cat fight is.

  18. Lucy April 10, 2008 at 5:43 am #

    Heh… I always wondered if I was pronouncing “Ferrell” wrong, cos’ Americans have funny pronunciations and tend to put accents in places that English people don’t. So hmm, nevermind. This probably doesn’t make much sense typed out 😛

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