I win this weekend’s “World’s Best Wife” award…

28 Apr

…”Straight Out the Cubicle” by Superargo (or check out their myspace page HERE)

Brad left for tour a couple days ago. There is always the “frantic scramblings” when he leaves for tour. He hates leaving home, so he procrastinates with the packing, and ends up just throwing whatever is laying around into his bag and running out the door. This is only a week long tour, so the scramblings weren’t as monumental as in the past when he’s had to go on the road for 4-6 (sometimes more) weeks. But they were scramblings, none-the-less.

About 2 hours after him and the fellas had left, I get a call from Bradly from one of the other guy’s cell phones… Brad has left his precious blackberry at home- and they’re too far gone to turn around.

Now, forgetting things comes with the scramblings. Always. But never his cell phone. He’s in love with his cell phone. If he could have a make out party with his cell phone, he would. If marriages between people and cell phones became legal, I’d be booted out of our union within seconds- and he would be running down the aisle with his Blackberry raised high above his head, screaming at the top of his lungs with happy hysterics “I DO!!!!”, and then straight to the nearest plastic surgeon to have that gonadian little bluetooth ear-piece forever sewn into his ear. Brad loves his fucking phone. He thrives on his phone. He is never without his phone. ‘Til death do they part… it’s the L.A. Way.

So for Brad to be without his phone is a traumatic ordeal. Long ago I accepted my place in the pecking order of our relationship… Blackberry first, then his computer, then music, then me. That’s ok, because the pecking order for me goes Sully first, then art/work, then him. So it’s all pretty much even. When he called and told me that he left his phone at home, and they were going to be playing in Las Vegas the next day, I checked how much it would cost to overnight-earliest-weekend-delivery-guaranteed to ship it to him… saw the price, and said “Fuck it honey, I’ll see you in Vegas tomorrow”.

So Sully and I got up at the crack of dawn and drove to Vegas so that Brad could be with his “other woman”. Three and a half hours. Yes, I am a fantastic wife. So that the day wasn’t a total loss, we decided we’d do a quick little “Vegas Fun” for Sully, and went to the Shark Reef and Mandalay Bay. Now, I’m TERRIFIED of water, and PETRIFIED to the point of hysterics when it comes to sharks (those dead black eyes literally make me unable to breathe). But for Sully, I endured. And after almost throwing up in the “shipwreck cabin” (the last part of the exhibit) when I realized that the room we were in was surrounded on all sides (including above and below us) with water and sharks, we left… Sully thrilled, and me with the knowledge that I would have nightmares for a week. This not only makes me the world’s best wife, but also the worlds best mother.

Because it was Sunday evening, the 3 and a half hours that it would have usually taken us to get back home took us 6 and half hours…. all in slow moving bumper-to-bumper traffic. Sully and I had a blast with the trip home, though. We made up stupid songs, and created a “creepiness” rating system for all the desolate gas stations and restaurants creatively named “Eat” all along the 15… how many cockroaches were in each burger, how many people were buried under the piles of tires scattered all around from eating the food served at “Eat”, or by being attacked by mutated mountains of “Eat’s” cooking grease, etc.

So yes… driving 10 hours in the desert so my husband can have his Blackberry. Facing my feverish-nightmare-inducing fears of water AND sharks at the same time, and psychologically losing the battle so my son can have some giggles. And then coming home to finish cleaning the floors and doing all the laundry that was left over from when the band was staying at the house. Yes… I think I deserve some kind of medal.

But instead of a medal this morning, I woke up to accidentally stepping in cat puke upon getting out of bed.

Yup, I win.

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14 Responses to “I win this weekend’s “World’s Best Wife” award…”

  1. KC Joe April 29, 2008 at 8:25 pm #

    I am glad to see that I am not the only one who gets rewarded with surprises like that when I do good deeds! I am glad Sully got to see the reef stuff, pretty soon I am afraid that with the ocean temps warming, coral will be all dead soon. No new odd news from KS, but I am keeping my eyes open, us Kansas folk got to stick together!

    Joe

  2. Kristen Ferrell April 29, 2008 at 8:32 pm #

    I think my cats actually believe that I enjoy cleaning up their vomit. They see their puking as leaving me with little presents. I’m not sure how to convey to them exactly how much I DON’T enjoy it.

    Sully wasn’t as into the coral as he was the great white sharks and stingrays. I actually like stingrays… when they swim over you and you can see the underside of them, they have the silliest looking little smiley-face. But not sharks… sharks have hate and death in their eyes. They have the eyes of zombies. I’m getting a stomach ache just thinking about them.

    I’m glad to know that all is tame and quiet in Kansas. Keep me posted on any weirdness that arises.
    πŸ™‚

  3. Orion April 29, 2008 at 9:21 pm #

    aw…you definitly need a hug for that one.

    My cats like to leave me little pukey presents too, but the worst that they do is the dead frogs on the doorsteps, seeing as I am terrified of frogs.

  4. aprilfalling April 29, 2008 at 10:02 pm #

    YOU WIN, LADY!!!! Bradley better realize what he’s GOT. xo.

  5. joeyyy April 29, 2008 at 10:03 pm #

    Wow, I have a feeling I am going to be listening to Superagro OCD-style for the next two weeks during finals. Thank you!

    ……..and “Eat” signs are amusing, but it gets even better when you’re in Chicago:

  6. joeyyy April 29, 2008 at 10:06 pm #

    whoops, guess html comments arent allowed….

  7. Tawni April 30, 2008 at 5:28 am #

    You ARE the best wife and mother! Wow. You can add “dealt with bumper-to-bumper traffic” to your list of why, along with Blackberry Return Missions and shark tolerating. I loathed the traffic in California.

    Your images of Brad marrying his Blackberry made me giggle out loud. You are a hilarious writer. πŸ™‚

    xoxoxoxoxoxox.

  8. whitney April 30, 2008 at 6:38 am #

    wow, i would NEVER do that for james… haha.
    then again, he only got his first cellphone ever 3 months ago.

    i’m terrified of sharks too…. but for some reason i HAVE to go look at them if we go to the Long Beach Aquarium of the Pacific. i think i like to creep myself out with it. it’s almost how like supernatural, creepy things are exciting. i dunno, i’m retarded.

    what’s funny is my co-worker was driving home from vegas on sunday night too and sat in that traffic and stopped by a “charlie browns” to get a dates shake that took half an hour to make. yep.

  9. Kristen Ferrell April 30, 2008 at 8:28 am #

    there are things that i’m afraid of, but am drawn to and kindof enjoy being afraid of (like how you go see the sharks even though it scares you)… it’s why i ADORE horror movies,and why i had no problem living in our old house that was totally haunted. then there are the things that paralyze me with irrational fear that make me sick to my stomach and give me nightmares. sharks and water are the paralyzing types of things. i’m ok enough to go into water for a little bit if it’s a pool and i can touch the bottom… but that’s it. and the idea of being surrounded by water (like at the Shark Reef exhibit, or underwater tunnels) makes me rock back and forth in a frenzy of mental decline. whenever we’re in NYC and have to drive through the Holland Tunnel, by the time we’re on the other side i’m covered in sweat and in tears. i just picture the walls of the tunnel crashing in, water filling up, and our dead bodies floating in the water filled car. that tunnel is so old, that it’s going to fall apart any second.
    Sully LOVES to watch the “Planet Earth” series on DVD, and adores all the ocean life stuff. And like a good mom, I’ll sit and watch it with him… but even watching all those underwater scenes on TV make me sick. images of the ocean floor are just so lonely and desolate and bleak… if there is a hell, it’s not hot. it’s wet, and dark, and cold. hell is the ocean at night.

  10. christine April 30, 2008 at 9:45 am #

    I HATE BLACKBERRYS!! every man i know has one. they should make an announcement on the news, “Blackberrys reduce sperm count, along with mountain dew”.

  11. Cassie April 30, 2008 at 9:56 am #

    You totally get an award for that one lady. You rule!
    Sully and Brad are lucky fellas. = )

  12. whitney April 30, 2008 at 2:51 pm #

    duuuuuuuuude, i so got the creeps from watching the “deep sea” episodes on planet earth,.. holy crap…. freakiest shit ever!! it’s really creepy too knowing there are still so many species down there that havent even been discovered that. (how scientists know that exactly, i do not know….) but still. ::shudders::

    silly random story: i played “tomb raider” once on playstation back when i was like 12-13 or something… and there is a level where you are trapped under water with a sunken ship or something and you cant get to the top to get air…. so the whole time you are swimming around in the dark surrounded by great whites trying to get through the dark ship (maybe it was a submarine?? i dont remember)… but anyway, you had to go through the dark sub and find your way out to get air before your supply ran out or else game over.
    talk about having nightmares for months!!!!

    AND speaking of nightmares… i use to have nightmares almost similiar to your suspiscions with the holland tunnel… in my dream i would be swimming around in my house which was full of dark water trying to find my way out and sharks were swimming around the furniture and upstairs…. yucky yucky yucky!!

    yeah those are my stories…. let’s just pray that one day kevin costner isnt the one having to save us all…………………………………….

    bad joke.

  13. Cassie May 1, 2008 at 8:52 am #

    DRY LAND IS NOT OUR DESTINATION. IT IS OUR DESTINY!

  14. Kristen Ferrell May 1, 2008 at 9:49 am #

    hahahahahahahahhahaha!!!!!!!!
    (i really love that you remembered that quote!!!)

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