F*ck you, boys…… (*disclaimer included with every purchase)

1 May

… “Gimme Brains” by Bratmobile (click the little arrow and listen to the wise words of some brilliant ladies)

If I hear the phrase “You just don’t understand me” one more time today from one more fucking male, I’m going to go on a mass penis-chopping spree, then stab out my eardrums to insure that I never have to hear that phrase again, then go join a lesbian commune.

For the record…. you males out there are fully transparent. Transparent with your behaviors, words, motivations, and thoughts. Yes- I said ‘thoughts’. Because, yes, we can read your minds. That’s just how fucking simple you all are. We know your actions before you do. We know your thoughts before you think them. We know how and when you are going to fuck up, and we know what lies your going to tell to try to cover up your fuck ups. We see through all the bullshit. How do we know these things? Are we made of magic? Are we guided by Jedi-like forces? No… you’re all just that fucking easy to pick apart. I’ve put together Elmo puzzles with my son that were more complex than any male I’ve dated.

So yes… I DO IN FACT understand you. All of you. ESPECIALLY the boys that threw that bullshit narcissistic “I’m tooooo fucking complicated for ANYONE to understand me” phrase at me today. I was happy winner of that from MULTIPLE boys today. And I’m laughing at every one of them right now.

Just because you don’t like what I have to say, DOES NOT mean that I don’t understand you. It just means your either a bull-headed brat who won’t admit when you’re wrong; or you are unable to see the facts that are right in front of you, and you’re a whole lot dumber than I ever thought. Either way- I lose. Are ya happy? Ya should be.

*Disclaimer (as promised):

I am an angry lady who’s life is filled to the brim with high-maintenance boys of varying ages and maturity levels- and these are blanket statements that pertain to them all, young and old. These boys drive me fucking nuts. This is where I vent. If you don’t fall into the “bull-headed brat” category, then none of this should offend you. If it does offend you… go to “Hooters” or go watch some porn. That should restore your wounded male ego enough to get over anything I might have to say.

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19 Responses to “F*ck you, boys…… (*disclaimer included with every purchase)”

  1. hayley g May 1, 2008 at 6:23 pm #

    HELL YEA!

  2. Kristen Ferrell May 1, 2008 at 6:43 pm #

    Thank you, darling lady.

  3. Kristen Ferrell May 1, 2008 at 7:09 pm #

    um… that “comment” that has the same title as this posting… what the hell is that? and who is philippe martin? i’m a little confused as to what’s going on with that….

  4. whitney May 1, 2008 at 9:32 pm #

    that is a strange comment… wtf??

    you think youre so cool… breaking every rule.

    “gimme brains for breakfast babyyyyy… give me brains for lunch… yum!”

    i havent listened to that album in forever.

    i would like to know what these boys who “we dont understand” has said.

  5. Kristen Ferrell May 1, 2008 at 11:09 pm #

    that whole album is utterly amazing. it’s one of my many “boys are really stupid” albums i listen to when any of the fellas in my life have exposed their gender and i want to cheerleader-kick the shit outta them.

    and it never matters what the boys say… it’s all the same “bla bla bla bla bla… I’m so misunderstood… bla bla bla… you just can’t know where I’m coming from…. bla bla bla”… vomit.
    whateversville.

  6. dollypop May 2, 2008 at 6:20 am #

    i almost high fived my computer screen when i read this!
    thank you. oh looooordy thank you!!!!!!!!!
    shit, i’m also laughing so hard i’m getting to much attention.
    i gotta go, thank you for showing me i’m not not the only surrounded by this.

  7. Cassie May 2, 2008 at 6:57 am #

    Oh Kristen thank you!
    It makes me all warm and fuzzy to know I’m not the only one who wants to karate chop boys when they pull this crap.

    I have never listened to Bratmobile, but am now hooked. Thanks again!

  8. Kristen Ferrell May 2, 2008 at 8:08 am #

    EVERY SINGLE guy I’ve dated long enough to have an argument with has thrown that line at me. If it wasn’t so damn annoying, it would be hilarious.

    And the Bratmobile ladies are so catchy and bouncy that you can’t help but love them- and they’re lyrics make me laugh out loud. They make man-hating super fun!!!! πŸ™‚

  9. Tawni May 2, 2008 at 11:04 am #

    My husband tells me all the time, when I try to figure out his motivations, that I’m giving him and the rest of his gender entirely too much credit.

    He’ll say to me, “We’re simple creatures, honey. We’re big, dumb animals. There is no hidden agenda because we aren’t smart enough to create one. Give us a beer and some boobies to look at and we’re pretty much set.”

    I usually assume he’s exaggerating for comedic effect, but when I read your post today, I had to wonder. πŸ™‚

    Hang in there! I’m sending hugs and much estrogen your way. xoxoxoxoxoxooooo.

  10. Kristen Ferrell May 2, 2008 at 11:31 am #

    whenever you write anything about your husband, it convinces me more and more that he needs to quit his job and go on national tour teaching men how to behave. or could we just create a pill form of him? where did you find this guy? man oh man!!!
    you totally win.

    xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

  11. whitney May 2, 2008 at 4:00 pm #

    (in response to your response to me): haha, thats true. i don’t even know why i asked.
    i had a convo like that with james yesterday reguarding one of our friends who is made at another friend for saying something to a girl that the guy cheats on his girlfriend all the time and the cheating friend got mad at our other friend for saying something and doesnt even want to be friends with him now because of that. and when i was talking with james about it, he said “i dunno, maybe its just a guy thing where we dont go around saying things about friends”…. well, the girlfriend is my friend and i think he deserves all that and then some. he has no right getting mad at people who are just saying what a piece of shit he is. he’s the one in the wrong.

  12. whitney May 2, 2008 at 4:01 pm #

    ARGH!!!!
    AND what else is stupid as fuck is that SHE knows…. but just wont admit it. i mean, how could she not………… and we tell him he should stop fucking around behind her back or break up with her or something. and he says stuff like he does feel bad and its not like he hasnt tried breaking up with her before… PLUS, he wont break up with her now cause her uncle is the one that gave him a job.
    fucking selfish prick.

  13. Kristen Ferrell May 2, 2008 at 4:12 pm #

    UUUUGGGHHH!!!!
    He just wants to have the comfort and security of a relationship, but wants to play with other girls too. And he found a girl who will turn a blind eye- so why the hell would he break up with her? He’s getting everything he wants out of the “relationship”. He only got mad because he KNOWS that he’s a piece of shit, and is just being defensive.
    And how the hell do you “try to break up with someone”? You just break up with them. If they get nutso, you don’t answer their phone calls. If they get really nutso, you call the cops. It’s pretty fucking simple. This guy just doesn’t have the balls to do the right and respectful thing and end it. Gross fellas. Blech.

  14. whitney May 2, 2008 at 4:31 pm #

    EXACTLY. see, it’s all the same and it’s very easy to read. i mean, its not like there is anything complicated about the issue. he’s just a SELFISH prick. and will always be one.
    she also gets him awesome vacations to poland and just anywhere… hawaii and europe.. you name it… who wants to give that up??

  15. Dee Stroi May 3, 2008 at 8:00 am #

    yay! I love when you go on a boy hating rampage! πŸ˜€

  16. Cassie May 5, 2008 at 6:39 am #

    I am hating stupid boys as of late. No men until August for me!
    I have one that adores me, when he isn’t fully retarded by his “shiney people syndrome”.
    Blech. Whatever.

    Send some boy hating help a girl thru it vibes my way. And some Bratmobile music because I sure need it!

  17. M May 13, 2008 at 4:19 am #

    Hey, this was a wonderful post! I know exactly what you mean! I recently spent an entire evening trying to reason with two men about their judgmental actions only for them to relay to me that ‘you’re a girl, you don’t understand how we work’. Yes, I do understand. I understand that when your precious male ego is bruised, you just have to find the most pathetic retaliation possible.

  18. Kristen Ferrell May 13, 2008 at 7:59 am #

    I think deep down, they know we’re right. And they know that everything that comes out of their mouthes is moronic. But that precious male ego can’t handle being wrong, and they don’t possess the ‘smarts’ to create intelligent reasons for their actions- so they hide behind the statement that they’re just too deep and complicated for us ladies to EVER understand them. So they feel they win… but in the long run they totally lose because they have to exist as an emotional retard. And we win because we aren’t them.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Fuck you, boys…… (*disclaimer included with every purchase) - May 1, 2008

    […] philippe martin wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptβ€œGimme Brains” by Bratmobile (click the little arrow and listen to the wise words of some brilliant ladies) If I hear the phrase β€œYou just don’t understand me” one more time today from one more fucking male, I’m going to go on a mass … […]

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