Email money scammers are getting desperate….

6 Aug

Money scams via email crack me up.  I get them all the time… the ones that say my bank account has been suspended (but the email is filled with spelling errors), or the ones that say I’ve inherited 12 million dollars and pry for my bank account info- or my all time favorite of the ones where the Prime Minister of wherever has heard that I am an extremely trustworthy person and has appointed me the lucky duck who receives the entire trust of some dead diplomat who has no family… but only if I wire him a “finders fee” of $10,000.  I love responding to these emails.  I will write long drawn out letters, usually starting with, “Dear Sir/Madam,… I sincerely thank you for your consideration, and in return I hope you get a festering bout of cancer….”.  I vent my stresses from the day onto the shady weasels that send these out.  And I always sign them “With love, Someone who hopes you get drunk and play in traffic”.  We now get these scams through our fax machine… to which Brad and I respond with this fax back to them:

These scammers initiated a game with me titled “Who can suck the most”, and I have lots of fun playing it.

My ex-husband called about a week or so ago and told me about a new email scam he got- and it seems they’ve upped the ante on their game playing.  This one involved a death threat.  He posted it in his blog, and I’ll share it with you now in mine….


I felt very sorry and bad for you, that your life is going to end like this if you don’t comply, i was paid to eliminate you and I have to do it  within 10 days.

Someone you call your friend wants you dead by all means, and the person have spent a lot of money on this, the person also came to us and told us that he wants you dead and he provided us your names, photograph and other necessary information we needed about you.

Meanwhile, I have sent my boys to track you down and they have carried out the necessary investigation needed for the operation, but I ordered them to stop for a while and not to strike immediately because I just felt something good and sympathetic about you. I decided to contact you first and know why somebody will want you dead by all means. Right now my men are monitoring you, their eyes are on you, and even the place you think is safer for you to hide might not be.

Now do you want to LIVE OR DIE? It is up to you. Get back to me now if you are ready to enter deal with me, I mean life trade, who knows, and I might just spear your life, $8,000 is all you need to spend. You will first of all pay $3,000 then I will send the tape of the person that want you dead to you and when the tape gets to you, you will pay the remaining $5,000. If you are not ready for my help, then I will have no choice but to carry on the assignment after all I have already being paid before now.

Warning: do not think of contacting the police or even tell anyone because I will extend it to any member of your family since you are aware that somebody want you dead, and the person knows some members of your family as well.

For your own good I will advise you not to go out once is 7pm until I make out time to see you and give you the tape of my discussion with the person who want you dead then you can use it to take any legal action. Good luck as I await your reply to this e-mail contact:( )
Mr.Jack Brown.”

Holy shit… right?  I was impressed with how ballsy these fuckers have gotten!  Don’t these folks know that every email that is sent can be traced back to the computer it was sent from using the IP address?  They’re sending out death threats to perfect strangers!!  Their ignorance is amazing!!!

I found this entertaining.  I would have responded with threats of my own…. stating that I tracked THEM down, and throwing in threats of broken fingers and various forms of violation with random household objects.  Remember… it’s a game.  And I’m even better at upping the ante.  And I have a mental library of disturbing things that can be done to a person from years of reading books like “The History of Torture” and true-crime novels.

Aside from that nonsense… I’ve been painting for 5 days straight, only stopping to pack web orders and drop them off at the post office.  I look like a crazy person and smell like death.  My cats won’t even come near me anymore.  This is actually my preferred state of being (much to my husband’s dismay) so I am happy.

With that said… back to work I go.


9 Responses to “Email money scammers are getting desperate….”

  1. christine August 7, 2008 at 4:05 am #

    hahaha Ive gotten a million of those messages where someone from Europe died and i inherited tons of money..they are pretty funny to read! And the death threat things kind of freak me out.

    ps. your new shirts are soooooooo freakin comfy!! ❤

  2. Kaybomb August 7, 2008 at 7:27 am #

    OMG! I want to see the reply!

  3. Cassie August 7, 2008 at 8:47 am #

    I wonder what country the person who wrote that was from? It wasn’t entirely grammaticly correct, which makes it even more funny.
    I do feel bad for those poor souls out there who will actually fall for this sort of thing. *sigh*

    Someday soon I will be able to afford another one of your shirts.
    S o m e d a y !

    I am dragging myself out of the midwest in September to spend a whole week in CA! I am SO FREAKIN EXCITED!

  4. Kristen Ferrell August 7, 2008 at 9:35 am #

    I think the majority of the people who fall for this kindof scam are the elderly. They’re always a prime target for most scammers (which really enrages me because i love old people). And I thought at first that it must have come from another country because of the grammar… but who knows! Proper grammar isn’t really deemed very important nowadays. I get emails and messages through myspace all the time from adults who’s spelling and grammar are far below anything that my 10 writes… so you just can’t tell anymore.

    I don’t think my ex responded to it. He was a little freaked out by it. But I would have responded. I would have sent them the most sick and disturbing message ever written, claiming to know exactly who they are, where they’re at, and telling them exactly what was in store for them… and then I’d keep emailing them from different email accounts. Over and over and over again. It would be my new “happy place” when I had bad days. I have lots of fun with stuff like this.

    (Christine- I’m glad you like the new shirts!!! Yay!!!)

  5. whitney August 7, 2008 at 6:56 pm #

    hahaha, i love your guys’ faxes. i, too, have received those email’s where you have inherited like 2 million dollars from a royal family or some shit. silly, silly, silly shit…

    and don’t you just love the phone solicitors too? especially when they call acting like your best friend and then pronounce your name completely wrong. they’re fun to fuck with too.

  6. Kristen Ferrell August 8, 2008 at 12:01 pm #

    I have a good time fucking with anyone who tries to exert their presence into my life when I didn’t invite them first. It’s just rude. I don’t have a lot of patience for rudeness. 😉

  7. Sunny August 10, 2008 at 10:50 am #

    I just can’t help wondering what happens when someone who’s mentally ill gets a letter like that – egging on sick people with shit like this in an ridiculous attempt to extort money has to qualify you for some special circle of hell.
    Someone called my 80 y/o mom-in-law a few months ago and tried to get her bank account number – even got their “supervisor” on the phone. She cussed them out.

  8. Kristen Ferrell August 10, 2008 at 12:27 pm #

    It’s awesome that your 80 y/o mother-in-law knew to cuss them out! Years ago, my grandma was swindled by men who told her she needed all new awnings and a new roof (even though she didn’t need ANY work done to her house)… and she gave them a shit-ton of money to do it. She was in her mid-70’s and had Alzheimer’s. My mom went after them when she found out about it…. I’m not sure if she ever got the money back (I was really young, so I don’t remember all the details). But these assholes are hoping to contact people who are mentally ill or too old to know that the world isn’t a trustworthy place.

  9. Tawni August 12, 2008 at 4:55 pm #

    My emails like that are always from Nigeria. So funny. That one your hubby got is a bit intense. I would love to see your response. I bet it would be pretty wicked. 🙂 xoxoxo.

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