Oh Neil… I still love you…. no matter what….

27 Aug

  ….”The boat that I row” by Neil Diamond

Brad reluctantly showed me this article today:

“Raspy Neil Diamond Disappoints Ohio Concertgoers”

People walked out on his concert because his voice was raspy, and he issued full refunds to everyone who attended the concert.

HE’S 67 YEARS OLD!!!!!  Give him a fucking break!!!!!  This article brought a little tear to my eye, because I love Neil.  I’m very open about loving Neil.  So open, in fact, that my darling Whitney made this for me and mailed it to me, and it’s proudly hanging over my desk:

It isn’t 1975.  Neil isn’t going to have voice or stamina that he had back then, and isn’t going to sound like he does on his albums anymore.  Again, HE’S 67 YEARS OLD!!!!  Ohio made me very angry today.

Neil is supposed to come to L.A. soon to play a concert.  Brad told me that he’d take me.  I declined, because I didn’t want to see “old Neil”.  I told him that if he found a way to teleport me back to the ’70’s so I could see him in his prime, then I’d go.  But I knew that his current performance wouldn’t hold up to past performances… and I didn’t want for the wonderful visions dancing around my head of him in his glory to be tainted by new visions of “old Neil” that are filled with the sadness of a fallen icon.  Very few performers can stand the test of time (William Shatner is one of them… and I looooooooove him too).  And I’ve seen it when the icons fall… and it’s tragic.  I’ve never been a big Sex Pistols fan, but years ago we had free tickets so we went.  It was horrifying.  Not only did the band fill me with the creepy-crawlies with their failed attempts to be a “young and shocking punker” again; but the audience was filled with people in their 40’s who were now accountants and soccer moms, and all tried to squeeze back into their old “Punk Uniforms” for a night of nostalgia.  Hurt feelings all around.  There’s nothing worse than a 45 year old man with a pot belly and a comb-over poured into plaid skin-tight zipper pants; or a “PTA mom” with the “efficient and time saving haircut” who normally wears sweatshirts with kittens on it donning a leather micro mini skirt.  Tragedy, tragedy, tragedy.

But back to Neil.  Ohio, back the fuck off or I’ll have to drive there and slap every one of you.  And I’ll do it, too.  He’s given our culture hundreds of classic little ditties to sing karaoke to on drunken nights out.  He’s spawned thousands of impersonators who all do quite well in their renditions of him.  He is an icon.  He is more god-like than god.  Leave him alone.  At 67 years old, he’s doing just fine.  If you want to hear him in his prime, go get the album “Hot August Night”, crank it up to 11, and shut the fuck up.

If you disagree, we can meet behind the school house and duke it out.

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5 Responses to “Oh Neil… I still love you…. no matter what….”

  1. hayley g August 27, 2008 at 11:20 am #

    “ohio is for lovers”, my ass

    hahah sorry, 🙂

  2. whitney August 27, 2008 at 1:14 pm #

    haha, awwww, that’s so sad!
    it almost like having someone talk badly about your own dad!horrible.

  3. Kristen Ferrell August 27, 2008 at 1:26 pm #

    There are just some icons that ya just can’t fuck with. Neil is one of them. Johnny Cash is another. Dolly Parton is another. They’ve earned their standing, and our job is to step back and enjoy. And if in their late ’60’s they have a rough night- ya don’t throw a tantrum. You acknowledge that they aren’t 30 anymore, appreciate that they put forth the effort to even perform, and accept whatever is given.
    Period.

    And you’re right, Whitney… it is like having someone talk badly about your dad. Totally shitty.

  4. vero August 28, 2008 at 4:28 am #

    that’s the reason i’ve never wanted to go see Blondie, It’s one of my favourite bands and i love Debbie Harry to death but i know it’s not the same now i prefer to keep watching the old videos.

  5. Sunny August 29, 2008 at 5:09 am #

    The songs Neil wrote JUST FOR THE MONKEES >>> everything everyone in the whole state of Ohio has ever done.

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