Old people shouldn’t be allowed to fly in large groups. Ever.

11 Sep

I’ve been in Berlin for 2 days now… or is it 3?… no… I think it’s 2. Fuck… I dunno. Traveling (especially international traveling) completely disrupts my sense of time and I never know which way is up. I thought I had safely escaped the evil clutches of jet lag… but I sat up this morning at 7am. Wide awake. No chance whatsoever of getting back to sleep. Gross. I laid there for a bit out of stubbornness, but then gave in and got up. Nothing makes me grumpier than having my very rare moments of “sleeping in” ruined. God damn you, jet lag.

My flight out here was fully disturbing. I didn’t notice anything bizarre about my fellow flyers until I was safely buckled into my seat and waiting for the plane to take off. I looked around me, and was surprised to see that EVERYONE on the flight was about 75 years old or older. I’m not kidding. And they were all wearing name tags. And they began yelling to each other from across the plane, and getting up and shuffling around trying to have small talk with each other…. then the reality of the situation hit me. “Dear fucking god… I’m on a 10 hour flight with a SENIOR TOUR GROUP!!! FFFFUUUCCCKKKK NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!”. There were only about 8 other passengers on the flight that were NOT with this group of excited geriatric travelers. They were all going to Rome. There were about 80 of them in the group. It was hell. They all wanted to be friends and talk. I don’t talk to strangers on planes. It creeps me out, and it’s uncomfortable. But I accidentally left my ipod at home, so I was stuck either pretending to be asleep, or watching the horrible movie options that they had on the flight (yes, I tried reading… only to be interrupted every 10 minutes by one of the old folks wanting to “chat”…. I wanted to scream “I’M TRYING TO READ!!! I THOUGHT YOUR GENERATION WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE FUCKING MANNERS!!!”… but I didn’t. Because I can’t yell at old people).

But I almost missed my connecting flight because it took 45 MINUTES for these old people to get off the plane when we landed. 45 minutes of complete and utter confusion… apparently the fact that EVERYONE’S carry-on luggage was black really threw them all for the biggest mental curve-ball EVER, and they thought it was just fucking HILARIOUS that they had such a hard time figuring out who’s was who’s before exiting the plane. Yeah… that’s a fucking riot you non-functioning relics… noone else has anywhere else to be, really… just take you’re time and shuffle along like you’re the ONLY people that really exist on the planet. FFFUUUCCCKKKK!!!! It was truly a painful experience. And by the time I got to the other end of the airport, having to full on run in heels and go through security again and BARELY get on my connecting flight because of these people- I hated old people. I used to love them. Now I hate them. If you’re old and reading this, I’m sorry if it hurts your feelings. But your kind fucked with me way too much from L.A. to Paris for me to ever get over it. Fortunately, the flight from Paris to Berlin was filled with nothing but executives. So I could relax and know that noone was going to talk to me.

But, surprisingly, not a single piece of artwork got damaged in transit (yes, I opted to pack them all in gigantic trunks and suitcases and take them with me instead of paying close to $1000 to ship them all). But not a scratch on them (though my trunk lost a wheel, and my suitcase looks like its been run over by a truck- but as long as the art survived, I don’t care).

The opening is tonight, and hopefully all goes well. I’ll be taking pictures of the gallery, and all the darlings who run the show here (they are the BEST people on the planet!!!). But since it’s the crack of dawn, and I’m not getting any sleepier, I’m going to go and bum around town for a bit until the gallery crew gets here.

More to come…..

oh yeah…. before I go….

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11 Responses to “Old people shouldn’t be allowed to fly in large groups. Ever.”

  1. chelsea rae September 12, 2008 at 6:27 pm #

    K-

    (1) I have a surprise for you. No a SUPER-prize. But only if you email me an address that exists in the physical, earthly realm.

    (2) Hm. I’ve never really liked Matt Damon before. Good job guy.

    (3) Enjoy your lady-alone time in beautiful Berlin. Kudos on your amazing feat of a show!!!

    XO
    chelsea rae

  2. whitney September 12, 2008 at 7:29 pm #

    ya know, old people that don’t know me seem to give me a hard time because of my appearance… but i’ve also run into some rad old people…. i don’t think i could survive on a plane full of them. and i would have definitely destroyed all their oxygen tanks if i was stuck behind all of them trying to get off the plane. or ANYBODY who would take their sweet ass time knowing that being in an airport- everything is done in a timely manner. alskejalskdjasljd!

    “it’s like a really bad disney movie.”
    go matt damon!

  3. Joey September 12, 2008 at 8:37 pm #

    This makes more sense now:

  4. Joey September 12, 2008 at 8:38 pm #

    Darn! Here:

  5. Yardley September 13, 2008 at 1:47 am #

    Good luck over there lady! I’m so proud you did it (tho I didn’t have any doubt you’d get it done). Your airplane ride gave me a good out loud gaffe, much needed while I brood over election crap.

  6. christine September 13, 2008 at 5:04 am #

    good luck! i’m sure the show will be awesome!!!
    Ugh the last time i was on a plane overseas, the guy sitting next to me (thank god there was a seat between us) put his feet up..wearing sandals with really smelly socks! i almost puked.

  7. Tawni September 13, 2008 at 1:45 pm #

    Newfound buckets of respect for that Matt Damon fella. Seriously. I will always go see his movies. I’ll buy the DVDs too. Good for him for facing whatever blows to his fanbase may come from speaking out against the woman with a pregnant teenage daughter who still thinks that preaching abstinence works and believes in talking snakes.

    Your account of flying with the seniors cracked me up. I don’t enjoy your distress, but you have such a hilarious way of describing things, I couldn’t help but giggle. 🙂

    The snapping awake at 7 a.m. thing is a daily occurance for me. Usually earlier than that, though, no matter how late I go to bed. It infurates me. I want to pull my brain out of my head and beat it into submission. “Stop thinking, you wretched pile of gray matter! Smack, smack, smack! Turn back OFF!”

    Hope you get to sleep OH so late tomorrow. Have fun!!! xoxoxoxoxo

  8. Cassie September 15, 2008 at 8:09 am #

    Yay you and your art made it in one piece! Wonderful!

    Have a super fantastic time.

  9. dollypop=amyjeen September 15, 2008 at 9:53 am #

    but but but !

    old people = candy !

    AND DENTURES !

    oh kristen ! you should’ve got all their candy and then as each fell into their short old people semi coma like cat naps, snatched the dentured right outta their mouths !

    you siad you wanted to concentrate on jewelry and such, and i reeeeeeeaaaaaaallllyyy want some of those denture hairclips.

    man.
    *tiny tear rolls down cheek*

  10. Kristen Ferrell September 15, 2008 at 9:48 pm #

    you just made me laugh really really hard. i love you, miss amyjeen!!!

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. My growing impatience for the elderly despite my overwhelming respect for them… « That’s the thing…… - December 6, 2008

    […] flight from Los Angeles to France with a tour group of retired seniors (you can view that blog post here) .  That experience broke something in me that was never able to repair itself.  And recently, […]

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