28 Sep

Ok, I have a problem. I thought I had it under control…. but apparently I was wrong.

I’m heavily addicted to ebay.

But not just the site in general…. it’s one particular thing on ebay.  Antique bird salt & pepper shakers, and chickens.  I don’t know what my attraction is with these… but I can’t make it go away. Let me site some examples:

All those above… that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  They’re everywhere in our house.  I can’t get enough of them.  (and in that last pic, the great big chicken… my beautiful friend Matt stole that off some jock’s front porch for me in the middle of the night because it was far more important for me to have it than them… so that wasn’t an ebay purchase.  This is one of the many ways that Matt is magical)

I swore off ebay for keeps almost 2 years ago, and never looked back.  I thought I had a thumb on it.  Until today.  Today showed me that the beast never left… it was just hibernating.  I found these amazing “Watchmen” movie posters that were only available at Comic-con that were taken directly from Watchmen images from 1986, and I HAD to have a Rorschach one (yeah, I’m a fucking nerd.. go ahead and laugh… watch me not care).  So I searched everywhere online, and then thought “well, maybe I can go on ebay just this once to see… it’ll be ok… I just want the poster…. nothing else… just the poster…”.

Well, I got the poster (not the original from comic con, but as good as I’m gonna get)…. but I now have 26 bids on various vintage bird salt & pepper shakers, one auction finished and paid for.  WHAT IS MY FUCKING PROBLEM?????  I KNOW BETTER THAN THIS!!!!!!  FFFFFFFUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

It’s so difficult, because they’re all so inexpensive, and I think “hell!  That set is only $3.99!  I can get that!!”.  Then there’s the $4-$8 shipping on each one… so it adds up fast.  And my problem is that I’m really competitive, so if someone out bids me, I kindof go wackadoo and think “Screw that dick!  I’M gonna win those shakers!”, and I bid higher.  Seriously… it’s fully retarded.  And I can’t stop.  But now, I’m bound to ebay because I have to keep logging on to pay for auctions I won and to leave feedback and all that crap (because you’re just a jerk if you don’t leave feedback), and I KNOW that the moment I log on… I’ll check on the birdies.  Are there new ones?  Have old prices on ones gone up?  I’m a total tight-wad with every other aspect of my life… but these goddamn birds get me every time.

I’m looking for volunteers to come over and babysit me when I have to log into ebay.  This is mandatory for the safety of my financial stability.  Seriously.  Please?  Anyone?  Help?

Aside from that, I made more cupcakes.  They’re drying right now.  Some with the severed fingers…. but there are a couple new ones with REAL DENTURES in them!  No, not halloweeney store fakey dentures- but the real deal.  They’ve been in old people’s mouths.  For reals. (but I steralized them, so they don’t have dried up old people drool on them or anything).  THEY’RE SO FUCKING FUNNY!!!  I LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM!!!!  Pictures of them to be posted probably by tomorrow night (and they’ll be going on the webstore areound that time too).



11 Responses to “Confessions….”

  1. Samantha_hearts_JD September 29, 2008 at 5:40 am #


  2. christine September 29, 2008 at 6:36 am #

    I swore off ebay 4 years ago, after spending tons of money on silly cheap things. DAMN YOU EBAY!! it all looks so alluring though, doesnt it??

  3. Kristen Ferrell September 29, 2008 at 8:16 am #

    My time and money is usually dedicated solely to thriftiness and productivity to the point of compulsion- or at least since I shunned ebay 2 years ago (which was my only splurging vice). But that damn site drew me back in with it’s ability to have everything under the sun available, and at dirt cheap pricing. It was the ONLY place online that had the Rorschach posters with the original 1986 imagery on them… and I have no shame or regrets in seeking those out.
    I just have to stay away from ebay with everything else.
    How to do that… I have no idea.

  4. hayley g September 29, 2008 at 3:55 pm #

    haha, i had a problem with ebay too a few months ago.

    also, speaking of dentures, i found these in a magazine and thought of you, so i found them online so i can send you a link:

    they’re made for ice but i’m sure you could put plaster in them and put them on your cupcakes.

  5. whitney September 29, 2008 at 4:38 pm #

    you’re like the crazy bird lady from Home Alone 2. maybe in 20 years i’ll run into you in Central Park where you’ll be covered in bird doo with a sack of seeds. hahaha!
    there’s this sweet antique/thrift shop near my house that has a SHIT TON of bird stuff… including salt and pepper shakers and all that sort of stuff. it’s reeeeeeeeally cheap there too. it’s nuts. i love it.
    i’m the same way on Etsy now. when i log in, i make sure i just check my orders…… but then i have to browse around for neat and unique things and HAVE to buy it cause it’s usually OOAK shit that you can’t bid on. and it’s also just as bad as me going to target. even if i go for a tub of toothpaste… i walk out with a cart full of shit i don’t even need!!! dammit.

    and i would LOVE a cupcake with dentures… but the dentures should still have some crusted applesauce on them.

  6. juju galaxie September 29, 2008 at 7:55 pm #

    ok first…the chickens. Its not your fault. You were brought up in the midwest right? well so was I…you cant help but LOVE THE CHICKEN!! My mother and grandmother used to buy those all the time!! They were everywhere! Something about salt and peppers shaker collecting mania that seeps into all the hearts of the midwest…and especially chickens!!

    I had to get rid of all my chickens and salt and pepper shakers….the burden of my adoration was too much!

    I was lucky enough to be a girl who moves every 6 months and cant move all my crap around so I had to get rid of it…whew!

    Also the denture cupcakes idea..BRILLIANT!!
    I think the midwest has twisted the hearts and minds of the creative souls so they become obsessed with strange things…its really the only way to be entertained when you live near corn. : )

  7. Kararararalyn September 29, 2008 at 8:40 pm #

    i’m going have to admit that i didn’t know there was a home alone 2…
    i am damn proud of this.

  8. Kristen Ferrell September 29, 2008 at 9:25 pm #

    I’m going to say that I also didn’t know there was a “Home Alone 2”. Did Macaulay Culkin star in that too? Wouldn’t he have been at least in his early teens? Having a tiny little kid behave like that when left home alone is grounds for an innocent comedy… having a teenager behave like that when home alone shows serious signs of psychological problems and borderline retardation. I think the sequel would have to be a tragic tale instead of a funny one.

    And yes, Juju…. we midwest ladies can’t get enough of the chickens. They are the funniest little creatures on the planet!! And I do think an abundance of corn can lead to far more problems than the psychological community really feels comfortable addressing.

  9. Yardley September 30, 2008 at 1:05 am #

    I used to use ebay all the time also, and I always thought the same thing– oh a shirt for 1.99, shoes, for 15$ but you’re right, they kill you on the shipping. I hate that.

  10. Cassie September 30, 2008 at 9:19 am #

    I often wondered why I have an obsession for collectiong strange things……(coffee cups & lunch boxes) Now I can blame growing up in Missouri!

    Cant wait to see the new cupcakes!

  11. Kristen Ferrell October 3, 2008 at 7:36 pm #

    I will say that I found out today that one of the bird salt & pepper shakers set that I just won for $5.50 is worth about $150.

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