Contemplating the prettiest form of suicide so that my body will still be viable for taxedermy….

27 Oct

Brad is on day number 3 of “briefcase talk”.  He bought a huge briefcase thingy to carry all his books because he’s back in school.  He found another one on craigslist and is thinking about having some poor guy drive all the way out to us so he can look at the 2nd briefcase and compare the two of them.  This oh-so-important internal conflict of Brad’s has been his main topic of conversation for 3 days now.  “Should I keep the briefcase I have?”, “The one on craigslist is cheaper.”, “Do you think that guy will mind coming out just to show me a $50 briefcase, even if I don’t really want it?”, “What do YOU think of my briefcase?”…… over and over from morning til night…. going on 3 days now.  My husband is not mentally retarded, so I’m not sure why he insists on acting like he is.  I want to take his briefcase, and back over it with my car.  It’s like living with Rain Man.  But when I start to get frustrated and scream “I DON’T GIVE 2 TIN SHITS ABOUT YOUR FUCKING BRIEFCASE!!!!”, he laughs and says that he just goes on and on about it to make me mad.

And then I want to back my car over him.  He thinks he’s funny.  He’s not.  Fuck your briefcase, Bradly.

Sully forgot to take his little “please help me not go into a full-blown rage and destroy a classroom or give my mom a black eye” pill yesterday.  I shouldn’t say HE forgot to take it… I forgot to give it to him.  On Sundays, my brain shuts off and I shuffle around drooling and mumbling (how people get up early and go to church on Sunday totally baffles me… if God really loved them, he’d say “Hey, you had a rough week… sleep in and relax!!”).  Since the meds leave his system so quickly, I found out that if he forgets a day, it’s just like we’re starting from scratch.  Today was “Manic Talking Sully Day”.  We’re walking through Target getting the random stuff that you get at Target, and this was Sully:










You get the idea.  I pick him up at 3pm.  He goes to bed at 8pm.  5 hours of non-stop talking like this.  By the time I put him to bed I thought I was going to cry.  Seriously.  Listening that much wears you out like nothing I’ve ever experienced.  And he now KNOWS when I tune him out and will just repeat the same thing over and over until I snap too and start listening again.  But by tomorrow that will have stopped. Thank fucking god.

(Side note…. the super low dosage of meds the Doc put him on did the trick…. in 3 weeks he went from almost being sent to a school that was only for behaviorally “challenged” kids, to mainstreaming him back into all his classes and making ‘A’s’ on everything.  His brain was just running faster than his body could keep up with, and it was driving him out of his mind.  So keep all those fingers crossed that it will stick, because it’s soooooooo great to see his little self-esteem climbing back up to where it is supposed to be).

Brad just mentioned the briefcases again.  FUCKING STOP IT, BRAD!!!!!

This has turned into pointless babble.  I’ve been exhausted for no reason lately, and I can’t seem to keep thoughts in my head long enough to do anything about them.  I knew there was some specific reason I was writing on this thingy tonight… but it’s gone.  Poof!  Vanished.  Lame.

I’ll stop now before it gets any more pointless.

My apologies for those who read this.  I promise to do better next time.


20 Responses to “Contemplating the prettiest form of suicide so that my body will still be viable for taxedermy….”

  1. hayley g October 28, 2008 at 5:04 am #

    i hate when boys piss you off on purpose just because they think its “cute” or “funny”. NO, its not funny, whats funny is when i kick you in the balls to make you stop!

    my boyfriend is the same, you are not alone!

  2. whitney October 28, 2008 at 6:43 am #

    i really don’t understand why guys LOVE to piss girls off on purpose. it’s kinda like when gonzo thinks miss piggy is cute when she’s angry…………. i just don’t get it!

    halloweeeeeeeeeen on friday!!!! YAYYYYY!!!
    so what’s sully actually going to be? haha.
    what are YOU going to be?

    and that’s wonderful that he’s doing so well in school!!! 🙂

  3. whitney October 28, 2008 at 6:44 am #

    ps- i fucking love target.

  4. Kristen Ferrell October 28, 2008 at 8:50 am #

    I love Target too. I can’t help it. They have too much stupid cute crap for the house. I got these hilarious placemats with polkadots and awkward looking snowmen on them yesterday. Do I need placemats? Of course not! But at $1.50 each, I had to get a couple. And their vegetarian food is cheaper there than anywhere else in town (the Morning Star Farms stuff and Amy’s veggie burritos are at least HALF of what they are at regular grocery stores).

    Brad LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVES to do things that piss me off. I don’t understand why either. I’ll be all comfy in bed and almost asleep, and he’ll decide to start tickling me (and I HATE being tickled… it sends me into a rage and makes me all nervous… don’t ask me why- it just does). He’ll do things and say things just to get me all angry and pacing and yelling, then start laughing and say that it’s fun to see me get all mad… and then he’ll try to tickle me. If I did that to him, he’d say I was being condescending. But if he does it to me, he says that I can’t take a joke. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

    Sully is going to be the Grim Reaper for Halloween. I don’t know what I’m going to be. But I do know that I’m gonna eat all his candy.

  5. christine October 28, 2008 at 9:20 am #

    HAHA i just love it that you want to be stuffed. I wish more people would come up with fun ideas for what to do with their bodies. It would make work a lot more fun! <33

  6. Kristen Ferrell October 28, 2008 at 9:52 am #

    I TOTALLY want to be stuffed!!! I think it would be so much better than being buried or cremated or any of the other options (are there any other options??). Or at least it would be much funnier. I could still attend all the family functions, Sully could prop me up in the passenger seat of the car and always get to use the carpool lane, I could be the BEST halloween decoration EVER…. the list goes on and on.
    I know it’s illegal to perform human taxidermy here… but is illegal to own a stuffed person? Could they ship my body to Mexico to get stuffed, and then ship it back here? Is it like Absinthe in the states?… it’s illegal to buy but not illegal to own? If anyone out there knows the specific legalities of this, I’d love to know!!!!

  7. svila October 28, 2008 at 9:54 am #

    i think you should send sully to vienna than i can lock him with my girl and they can make a talking competition…. but it is really fine that he is better with the meds,i think it is really a good thing if it works and you all better with it

    SO ALL THE MUMMY-EARS SHOULD BE SAVED and you have a nice day

  8. Kristen Ferrell October 28, 2008 at 10:09 am #

    I think that’s a brilliant idea. Maybe they’ll talk SO much that they’ll no longer have anything to say and then we’ll get “quiet time” for 6 months or so.

  9. svila October 28, 2008 at 10:28 am #

    ooohhhhh wow what an image of silence……………
    maybe the would talk 6 months to each other(of course day and night we know they talk even in the sleep blablabla…) and than the have nothing to say and than we would have even one year

    yeah yeah the secret dreams of ear-broken mummies

  10. christine October 28, 2008 at 11:34 am #

    hmm i’ll have to look into those laws…

    I like the idea of human compost for trees, or turning the remains into diamonds. OR use the ashes to get painted into a picture.

  11. whitney October 28, 2008 at 2:20 pm #

    i think another option for your corpse should be flushing it down a huge toilet like a dead pet fish…

    we are suppose to be getting a 2-story target here soon,(supposedly)… so we will have a bigger frozen foods section. and i LOVE that the food there is so cheap. i love their knock-off brand cereals too, for only $2.00! you can’t beat that. oh man, when it’s halloween season, i have to refrain from even looking cause they always have CUTEEEE shit. and last spring they had the cutest fricken sparkly and pink cupcake placemats! no, i didn’t need those either. haha. oh oh oh! and the pink pots and pans and other fun kitched stuff is back!! i almost bought a knife…. cause it was pink. ::sigh::

    you should be Madusa for halloween and put wire in your dreads and make them stick out like snakes. haha. yeah… lame idea.


  12. Kristen Ferrell October 28, 2008 at 3:11 pm #

    Ya know, the Targets here look like babies compared to the ones in Kansas. In the midwest, EVERYTHING has to be bigger… so picture a normal sized California Target… then triple it. A FULL BLOWN grocery store in it (not just a few isles of frozen food, but produce and flowers- the whole thing), and a gigantic “seasonal” section. They’re fucking huge!!
    The Wal-marts are the same way in Kansas with the full grocery store in them… but out there we used to have Hypermarts (I’m not sure if they’re still there). They were created by Wal-mart, and only 5 or 6 of them were ever opened. They were so big, that the floor employees wore rollerskates to get from one end of the store to the other quickly. I’m not kidding. Rollerskates. The stores closed down due to inefficiency. Go figure.

  13. Kristen Ferrell October 28, 2008 at 3:16 pm #

    And I like the ‘medusa’ idea!! I was actually going to do a medusa painting, because I think she’s really misunderstood. Poor lady.
    The actual tale of Medusa is really sad…. she was once really beautiful, but was raped by Poseidon in Athena’s temple. Athena got really pissed and transformed Medusa into the snake haired lady who was so hideous that she turned whoever looked at her into stone. Again, poor lady. I love greek mythology… all the characters are nutso!

  14. aprilfalling October 28, 2008 at 9:34 pm #

    i love your blog. you people and your random banter make my day. the end.

  15. dollypop=amyjeen October 29, 2008 at 6:09 am #

    you had me laughing so hard at the description of the brad torture and constant sully speak.
    i do apologize for laughing at your pain, but they way you write and describe things makes it easy to picture and my does both.
    so maybe i am not actually laughing at you, maybe i am giggling in a slow descent into complete lunacy.
    i think i actually tuned him out to the point i drooled a little.
    and i hear you and whitney on the super target! we do all of our shopping there, shhhhh even my super expensive looking furniture is from there. oh and archer farms, saves us at least 50 dollars each time !

  16. Cassie October 29, 2008 at 7:02 am #

    I love the Medusa idea for you! You’ll look awesome!

    Sometimes Lily gets like that with the talking, but not as bad. Have a great Halloween lady, and dont eat too much candy!

  17. daMamma October 29, 2008 at 10:22 am #

    you can’t live with them.
    and you are not allowed to shot them.
    they have rules about that sort of thing from what I understand.

  18. Kristen Ferrell October 29, 2008 at 11:47 am #

    One of my favorite quotes of all time:
    ” I never heard of a man getting killed when he didn’t get just what was coming to him….” -Matron Mama Morton, “Chicago”

    Now, that doesn’t apply to ALL men getting killed… just the ones that are killed by women.
    They make us do it.

  19. Jackie October 31, 2008 at 11:01 am #

    Oooh I always wanted to do this comment thing! For some reason I thought it would be harder than just… leaving a comment.

    Fuck yes to non-stop Sully time. I don’t know if I have ever met anyone more alive than him. I think his mother may have won that title, had the boys not sucked it out of her…
    And why the fuck did you not work at Hypermart? Are you kidding me?!!!! Coolest thing I have ever heard IN MY LIFE!!!!!
    I’m at school all of the time. I keep my eyes peeled for Brad… I’ll start looking for a briefcase toter.

    I ditched today in an attempt to keep the scene alive, as I am nearing my thirties and still need to feel like a badass sometimes. You’d think I would have learned by now that being a failure doesn’t really make me feel so cool. Oh well, too late now.

  20. Kristen Ferrell November 1, 2008 at 10:42 am #

    Sully did steal my “Lifeforce Champion” title… but it’s ok. Since he’s family, I won’t oppose it.

    Your existence keeps the scene alive, my love. We should make a date to go egg houses. That will make everything better.

    Do you want to move back to Kansas and go rollerskating Hypermart with me? I’ll only work there if you do, too.

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