What I did over my Christmas vacation….

1 Jan

Ever seen that Chevy Chase movie “Christmas Vacation”?  That’s kindof what my past week has been.  And if I had not had the emotional security blanket of my mom and dad’s presence during this past week, I would be locked up in a padded room right now.  Let me tell you a little tale of woe….

Brad, Sully and I were all going to go back to my hometown in Kansas for the holidays.  I LOVE being at my parent’s house.  The first thing I usually do is fall asleep on the couch because I’m so comfortable there (sleep isn’t an easy thing for me- but I konk out at the drop of a hat in their house).  So I was really excited, and I REALLY needed the break.  Weeks of stress, and strife, and making christmas presents, and trip planning, and getting all my ducks in a row was coming to an end- an end that I would lovingly embrace.

The day before we leave, I realize that Sully forgot to take his anti-rage-kid pill.  This was the start of a bad trip.  If he forgets to take his pill, the next day he’s a TOTAL handful… hyper, and filled with pre-teen angst and belligerent hatred.  So I prepared myself for a really rough airport day, put my game face on, and told myself “I can handle it because at the end of our flights, I’ll be safe at my parent’s house”.  But yes, the 2 flights and hours at the airports was painful, and filled with much Sully anger. I should have seen this as an omen… but I was too blinded by the thrill of being back in the nest to see the signs.

The day after we got to Kansas was relaxing and uneventful- which lead me to further let my guard down.  We picked up our rental car, ran around some with the folks, Sully was picked up by his dad for a few days of quality “father/son time”… and I could breathe.

At around 7am the next morning (which is 5am California time- which my body was still on), my mom pops her head into me and Brad’s room and says “Honey, I have some bad news”.  Apparently there was a storm during the night.  And a tree fell on our rental car.  Now, to look at the rest of my parent’s neighborhood, you would have never known there was a storm… not a single branch or leaf was out of place anywhere else… except on our rental car…. which was smashed to oblivion.  Let me illustrate with photos:

Yup.... god smacked us down.

Yup.... god smacked us down.

Normally, I get the full insurance package from the rental car place.  But I was informed by my personal car insurance provider that rental cars are covered by insurance.  What they didn’t tell me was that was after a $500 deductible.  Awesomeness.  So that day was spent on the phone with the rental car agency, my insurance provider, and the credit card people that I used to rent the car because they cover rental car insurance as well. Hours and hours of figuring the mess out… and hours and hours of waiting for the rental car people to bring me a new car.  But I would not give up hope.  Things were still going to be good.

The next day, Brad went up to the town we used to live in to see some friends while I hung out with my parents.  On his way home, I was talking to him on the phone when he said “Fuck- I’m getting pulled over”.  This wouldn’t have been a problem, except that he was speeding, and a couple weeks ago he had lost his drivers licence, and our proof of insurance was at home with me because of all the calls I had to make the previous day.  $250 ticket for speeding and driving without a licence (but the cop was nice enough to not tag him for no proof of insurance).  So now we’re $750 in the hole, and we’re only 3 days into our vacation.

Should I go on?  Because every day after this had some kind of event like this.  My dad and I were going to get started on my taxes, but Quickbooks flaked out and I have to re-enter 6 months worth of invoices, bills, banking transactions, and inventory.  I ran Sully’s Ipod through the washer and dryer (which his Ipod is the only thing that calms him down when he’s in one of his “I’m dedicated to being an asshole” moods).  My parent’s plumbing backed up and caused my poor stressed out mother to have a bit of a breakdown.  My older brother got sick and spent days vomiting.  I got the flu and spent days with a fever.  In the midst of my fever, I had to make multiple trips to my lawyers office to readjust my will and figure out everything that will happen to me and my things when I die (not something you want to deal with when you feel like that moment could go down at any minute).  And so on, and so on.

BUT I got to hang out with my family.  And if my parents weren’t there through all of it, I really would have totally lost my mind.  And I got to hang out with my adorable nephews- who all loved the totally retarded things I made them.

2 Things I did discover while laying on the couch in a fevered state is that:  #1. The show “Hey, Paula” is amazing… but not for the reasons they want it to be amazing- but because Paula Abdul is a clueless horrifying diva nightmare who deserves all the trauma that can be thrown at her (they had a marathon on tv, and I watched about 4 hours worth) and #2. Dick Clark is the most terrifying creature that has ever walked the earth.  Did anyone else watch the ball drop on TV and see the Dick Clark Zombie?  FFFUUUCCCKKK!!!!! That guy is totally going to give me nightmares.

But we got back home this morning.  We had to be up at 3:45 in the morning to get the car packed and be to the airport for our 6am flight… and I still haven’t slept.  My Daisy kitten has never gone this long without me, and she hasn’t left my side or stopped screaming and crying since I got home.  She used to be the asshole of the family, but is now the most lovey and cuddly creature on the planet.

So yes, my holiday vacation was filled with trauma… but at the same time, being home with my family made it all worth it.  Thank you, mom and dad, for enduring all of my bullshit.  I promise that next year will be less stressful.

I will now leave you with a couple holiday photos:

My nephew Declan in the hat I made him

My nephew Declan in the hat I made him

Sully and I in matching headbands Michelle made us, being totally tough

Sully and I in matching headbands Michelle made us, being totally tough

Me in my headband and with my new vintage PINK phone!!!!!

Me in my headband and with my new vintage PINK phone!!!!!

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10 Responses to “What I did over my Christmas vacation….”

  1. hayley g January 1, 2009 at 11:43 pm #

    oh yea, totally creeped out by Dick Clark, especially when he started making out with his wife!

  2. hayley g January 1, 2009 at 11:44 pm #

    OH, and where the hell is that pink phone from?!

  3. butcherbaby January 2, 2009 at 4:32 am #

    LOL- not at your plight, but at the last photo, which looks like a still from a movie.
    i ❤ vintage phone. i have had a few, but mine are always turquoise.

    ALWAYS pay extra for the rental insurance. the one time i didn’t the assholes at the agency tried to ding me on one of those *teensy* leetle nicks you get sometimes when a pebble hits your windshield. they did not prevail.

    dick clark has a portrait of himself aging in some closet somewhere, only it’s wearing out and needs to be replaced. is he still married to that tall cute ditzy blonde that used to be on some 80s sitcom?

  4. butcherbaby January 2, 2009 at 5:15 am #

    ok never mind i am thinking of Casey Kasem’s wife Jean Kasem.

  5. Kristen Ferrell January 2, 2009 at 10:03 am #

    My older brother got me that phone… and I don’t know where… but it’s AMAZING!!!!

    And I usually pay for the extra rental insurance- but this is the first time I didn’t and opted for my personal insurance. And a tree falls on my car. Awesome luck. uuuggghhhhhh……..

  6. whitney January 2, 2009 at 4:49 pm #

    first of all- i LOVE “christmas vacation”. it’s a must see all year round!
    sorry to hear of all your troubles during the holiday, but glad to hear that you had a nice time with your family 🙂

    this time of year is just meant to be sucky… for example: through the entire month of december i got my gall bladder removed due to a gall stone the size of a marble, got constipated after surgery, had phlebitis, got a bad cold, and now i have laryngitis which makes me sound like some sultry transvestite…. that is, when i am able to barely speak.

    and that baby is fricken adorable, especially in the hat you made him! and i want that pink phone! GIVE ME!

    loooveee yooouu…

  7. christine January 3, 2009 at 5:39 am #

    UGH Paula Abdul is creepy looking. She weirds me out..how the hell does she get her own show??? So happy the Rocky Marathon was on for Christmas.

  8. Kristen Ferrell January 3, 2009 at 10:16 pm #

    Oh Whitney!!! That’s all terrible!!!! You totally deserve a birdy hat!!! You deserve a 2-headed birdy hat, even!! As soon as I figure out how to make 2-headed birdys, I’ll get right on that lovely lady!!!

    And yes, Christine… Paula Abdul is totally creepy looking. I was laying on my parent’s couch in a fevered state, watching hour after hour of her, trying to figure out how she doesn’t see what an embarrassing nightmare she is. Seriously- she’s a monster!! And she can protest all she wants about not taking drugs… but I’d say that she was slurring her speech through about 60% of the episodes. I call “Big Fat LIAR” on her.

  9. lexecon January 4, 2009 at 7:25 am #

    Gee, you don’t call, you don’t write……LOL

  10. daMamma January 17, 2009 at 3:27 pm #

    Christmas Vacation? With Chevy Chase? No dear, that was a comedy. What you had was the Christmas Vacation From Hell version. Oh my goodness, you deserve a lot of credit for keeping it together and not becoming some bizarre holiday headline… “woman goes completely bonkers: cuts down every tree in town after blowing up car rental place”

    My heart goes out to you hon, thank goodness you at least had a small measure of pleasure with time spent with your family. That baby is a real cutie-pie and looks adorable in the hat you made.

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