Pondering that bumpy road to a “better self” and giving it my middle finger salute; Part 1: Forgiveness

25 Mar

I actually left my house for social reasons last night (to all of you who frequently read my babble on here, you know that statement should be followed by a big band playing and deafening applause).  I ran around with an out-of-town buddy who is one of those amazing “talkers”.  During our millions of topics of conversation, we got on the subject of forgiveness.

forgive or to forgive:

  1. To excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.
  2. To renounce anger or resentment against.

Forgiveness is bullshit, and turns you into a sucker.  Plain and simple.  Before you write me off as an angry and jaded person, hear me out…

I’m REALLY into fairness.  I know that ‘life isn’t fair’- but that doesn’t automatically give people an excuse to treat each other unfairly.  More so, it should make us all treat each other BETTER to counter the extreme unfairness that life throws at us (but “The Golden Rule” isn’t the topic today, so I’ll try to stay on point).  And in my “Fair and Just” mindset, the idea of ‘forgiveness’ just doesn’t pan out.  Here’s how the ‘forgiveness’ game goes:

  1. Someone wrongs you, hurts you, disrespects you, etc.
  2. The wrong-doer apologizes and asks for your forgiveness.
  3. If you forgive them, you basically absolve them of their wrong-doing, state that it’s ok that they fucked you over, and then are no longer allowed to own any of the emotional repercussions of that person’s wrongdoing… making you a sucker.
  4. OR if you don’t forgive them, then YOU are the asshole who ‘won’t let go’ or ‘is holding mistakes over their head’, or whatever craptastic excuse the wrongdoer throws at you to make you the bad guy and relieve them of guilt.

Either way, the person who screwed you over “get’s away with it” if they are forgiven.  Forgiveness is there to make the guilty feel better- and does nothing for the harmed.  Again, I’m calling bullshit on this.  It’s just plain rude.  (Keep in mind with all this, I’m talking about the big heartaches that people cause… not someone eating your icecream without asking or losing the DVD they borrowed from you.)

Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous have a step where they go to all the people they’ve wronged , admit to all the ways they’ve fucked that person over, and then ask for forgiveness.  This part of the step is 100% awesome.  I love the idea of people owning up to the ways they’ve destroyed people, and acknowledging it to that person face-to-face.  It shows character, and is admirable.  BUT then it all falls to pieces and becomes a joke… if the harmed person doesn’t accept the apology and doesn’t forgive the wrongdoer, the asshole STILL gets off with a pass of “forgiven” because “they tried to make it better”.  Are you fucking kidding me?? So, as far as Bill W. goes, I can get wasted and cheat on my spouse, beat my kids, throw my family into financial ruin, steal from my friends and family, or whatever else would warrant a formal “apology sit-down”… and when denied forgiveness for these horrors, I can STILL walk away, absolved and free from guilt because the person I hurt “just can’t be big enough to get over it”???  RUDE!!!!!!! This makes me see red.  One “sit down” doesn’t even begin to cover hurt feelings and broken hearts.  These folks should have to at least do a certain amount of hours of “community service” to the betrayed person for each offense.  Words are empty- actions prove everything.  And if the hurt person still decides that they can’t forgive the offenses, then the offender should be left forever “unforgiven”.  They are not allowed to walk away from a situation they fucked up feeling better if the fucked person doesn’t.  If they’re not forgiven- then they own that guilt to feel forever.  It’s only fair.

So how do you go through life without forgiving people, and not end up a hateful, jaded mess?  It really is very easy.  I’ve never forgiven anyone for anything in my life…. but what I do embrace is Acceptance, then Move On.

It takes alot to hurt my feelings.  Someone has to do something intentionally vicious or inexcusably mean and disrespectful to fall in the “you owe me an apology” category.  And if someone does that, 98% of the time I have no desire to ever talk to them again.  So I get rid of them.  I’ll spend a little time fuming and hurt, and I don’t think about them from that point on.  Poof! Problem solved.  There are over 6 billion people on this planet- I can always make new friends.  And if someone intentionally hurts me, or is so selfish to completely disregard my feelings- they aren’t a friend, and I don’t need them (because I don’t treat the people I love that way, so I won’t accept being treated that way).

For the 2% of the people that are allowed to stay in my life after hurting me, disrespecting me, breaking my heart, etc…. they will never get forgiven.  That is part of the punishment for being a pile of shit.  BUT I can accept that they hurt me, and move forward.  Pain does, in fact, heal with time.  And eventually my hurt feelings will fade away and I won’t want to punch things when I think about what they did- but for me to say “I forgive you” actually means “I’m ok with the fact that you totally took a shit all over me, and I won’t bring it up again”.  WRONG! I will never ever be ok with the fact that someone took a shit all over me, and I reserve the right to bring it up as much as I want to until I don’t feel like bringing it up anymore.  The hurt person should be allowed that much.  Again, it’s only fair.  If the wrongdoer is truly sorry for what they did, then they should have no problem with this.

I don’t think forgiveness is healthy, and I don’t think that humans are truely capable of it on a sincere and real level.  My wonderfully eloquant friend that I hung out with last night made a beautiful point.  In religion, to forgive is divine.  Divine meaning ‘of God’ or holy.  To be sincerely wronged, and then forgive an never look back is something that only a truely divine entity is able to do.  I don’t think that our brains should be expected to do that if it’s something ‘of God’.  We can aspire to it- but realistically, we’re gonna fail.  Just because Jesus was said to walk on water doesn’t mean that we should all take a boat out to the middle of the ocean and give it a shot… for humans to take on the abilities of the divine is emotional suicide.  And I think attempting it just does more harm than good.

So to sum it up, don’t “Forgive and Forget”.  Instead,”Accept and Move On”.  And if you’re currently asking for forgiveness from someone- stop now.  Give them the respect to deal with the crappy thing you did in their own way, and in their own time.  You fucked up, now deal with it.

That is my life lesson for today.


30 Responses to “Pondering that bumpy road to a “better self” and giving it my middle finger salute; Part 1: Forgiveness”

  1. Butcherbaby March 26, 2009 at 3:03 am #

    The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
    homas Szasz, The Second Sin (1973) “Personal Conduct”
    read that years ago, and it made a lot of sense to me. still does. one thing about the people i *have* forgiven (or accepted what happened may be a better term), it’s in my mind/heart. i don’t give it because they ask, and i don’t make a big show of it. it means “we will never be friends like we were before, but i’ll speak nice of you to others and be cordial in emails or personal conversations.”
    i’m going to write the rest of this tomorrow because it’s way past the time my sleeping pills have told me to go to bed ♥

    • Kristen Ferrell March 26, 2009 at 2:15 pm #

      I’m all about keeping the negative drama in my life to a minimum. So if someone who claims to care about me throws negative drama and disrespectful actions at me- they’ve gotta go for good. I’m not a big enough person to allow them to stay in my life and just accept that they’re actions have changed the dynamics of our relationship. I just want them out. I don’t want to look at them, or talk to them, or hear their voice. I don’t ever continue the drama by talking shit about them, or spreading around how horribly they behaved, or telling all their friends the crappy things they did- I just walk away and play pretend that they’re dead. Nothing left to talk about. It takes alot for me to trust someone- so I don’t take betrayal well.

      Now I WILL say that I am petty enough that if my husband ever really pulled an unforgivable stunt like cheating on me or something, that I would FULLY announce it to the world, and make a complete spectacle of him after I booted him out of my life. I can walk away quietly from alot of wrongdoings- but not that. That would REQUIRE me to publicly announce all of his dirty secrets and misdoings while I’m putting everything he owns on Ebay. Cheating is the biggest betrayal, and my brain just doesn’t react well to it. The last boyfriend that cheated on me was in highschool… and I took everything of his that I had and set it on fire in his driveway. He watched, terrified, from his bedroom window. It was awesome.

  2. Michelle March 26, 2009 at 11:16 am #

    This reminds me of the time an ex-boyfriend called to make ammends. He was going through NA and called to ask for forgiveness…what he actually did was brag that he had been lying and using the entire time that we were together and that I was just too dumb to notice. Yeah, didn’t forgive him and never never will.

    I tend to have mixed feelings about the whole forgiveness thing. Too many times it feels too door-matty and other times I just chalk it up to “you were a stupid kid & we’re all grown ups”. I think that people who blindly forgive or expect others to are just naive.

    • Kristen Ferrell March 26, 2009 at 2:24 pm #

      “Making Ammends”…. yes! That’s what that AA/NA step is called! I’m all for people getting clean and bettering their life- but part of that step should include the wrongdoer asking “What can I do to try to make up for what I’ve done”… and them being required to do it. I know that part of the step is paying back financial debts or giving back things that were taken- but what if one of the things that they took was a person’s dignity, or self-esteem, or ability to trust? Them saying “I’m sorry” just doesn’t fucking cut it. And if that “I’m sorry” isn’t met with “It’s ok, I forgive you”… they still get to walk away, free from the guilt anyways. They get to move onto their next “step” and towards a better life and clearer mind, while the people they damaged stay damaged. BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT!!!! It makes me really fucking mad.

  3. R March 26, 2009 at 11:28 am #

    The whole forgiveness thing always seemed sketchy to me also. Mainly because of the people I’ve encountered and dealt with did some horrible things (not the eating your ice cream stuff either) and then not only do they ask for forgiveness they try to play the blame game and not own up for their own actions. That’s the one thing I can not tolerate is someone not owning up for their actions and trying to put blame on you, kind of like you owe them something, if you know what I mean.

    • Kristen Ferrell March 26, 2009 at 2:51 pm #

      The “blame game” is part of the reason why I just write people off after they screw me over. I don’t want to hear excuses, or their justifications for why they did what they did (especially while they’re trying to apologize). Their behavior already hurt me- the last thing I need is for someone trying to convince me that actions of mine somehow lead up to THEM being a shitbag, or trying to give reasons as why what they did was somehow excusable. I just want to walk away from them and never look back. The way they can make me feel better is to disappear from my life, and have the two of us become strangers again.

      • janet August 29, 2015 at 10:21 pm #

        You said it well. In my experience when really really mistreated, that person is never going to be truely sorry, and will turn it around and blame me. That happened to me by several people working in concert, and I didnt stand a chance. I was used and kicked around so badly that I get it now. There are alot of sub humans out there now, and that turn the other cheek forgiveness stuff does not work with them. So, I did not forgive in the end those people, because it felt like submitting to rape to do so. I couldnt but Im still doing well and am happy and have someone who loves me and I trust him. So I think the whole you have to forgive to move on is a load of crap. Just dont let them change who you are, and avoid crummy types of people in the future; and rise above what happened to you.

  4. whitney March 26, 2009 at 1:45 pm #

    “I will never ever be ok with the fact that someone took a shit all over me, and I reserve the right to bring it up as much as I want to until I don’t feel like bringing it up anymore. The hurt person should be allowed that much. Again, it’s only fair. If the wrongdoer is truly sorry for what they did, then they should have no problem with this.”

    i LOVE to bring up crappy things people did to me. just to make them feel worse. it’s so satisfying.

    brilliant bloggness today! 🙂

    • Kristen Ferrell March 26, 2009 at 2:59 pm #

      Healing from a betrayal is a serious process. When someone wrongs you or betrays you, it makes you question your judgment for trusting them in the first place; it makes you question how important you REALLY are to that person (or to anyone else for that matter); it kills your trust for everyone else you’re close to, because if one person can hurt you that badly why couldn’t all of them?; and it makes you feel so insignificant that someone you care about didn’t even bother to consider your feelings when they decided to fuck you over. That is some DEEP wounding. To come back from that is going to take massive amounts of time. And if part of the process is to vent the anger and remind the wrongdoer that you’re STILL upset about it- then the wrongdoer has to accept that, and take it for as long as it lasts. And if this makes the wrongdoer feel bad or hurt or guilty- then good! It’s a lesson to them that their actions have a severe effect on other people, and they should behave better in the future.

      And yes, it is totally satisfying. 😉

    • janet August 29, 2015 at 10:41 pm #

      I think we need to talk about it for as long as it takes; and thats ok ,as long as wer’e taking steps to move on at the same time. By moving on I mean doing a job we love, exercise and doing things we enjoy, progressing in healthy relationships where we are valued and respected, and cutting ties with toxic people who dont value us. Its a learning experience and wer’e not failures if we can’t forgive. Sometimes the people aren’t sorry and dont have the same empathy and ability to love that we do, so its ok to let go and move on without anymore from us.

  5. Lemissa March 27, 2009 at 10:51 pm #

    I am totally for aspiring to be divine and trying to walk on water…well not trying really, just straight up doing it. I believe we are divine creatures experiencing a physical reality. And I find that being able to forgive someone does indeed lighten my heart and heal my soul. But I see where you are coming from…

    • Kristen Ferrell March 28, 2009 at 9:51 am #

      Oh lady- you are probably the only person I know that probably could walk on water if you set your sights on it. My unforgiving mindset is more geared towards mere mortals, and not spiritual goddesses like you.
      FYI- for all who are reading this… I’ve known Lemissa for years and years. She’s not human. She’s made of stardust, Aurora Borealis, unicorns, and everything else magical in the universe, and moonbeams shoot from her eyes. One of those “old souls” who sees 12 steps ahead of everyone to the big picture, and can react to all things with love and an open heart. I can’t even TRY to be like this because I’m far too much of an asshole. Her words of wisdom are much to aspire to (but Lemissa- you’re just walking on a different psychic plane than the general public). I think that if Gandhi met her, they’d be BFF for life in a matter of seconds.

  6. Tenacious D March 28, 2009 at 4:37 am #

    I’m on my way to California this morning to pick my son up from rehab. I have to believe that both of us can forgive each other (my lousy mothering skills / his violent outbursts). I don’t think you’re talking about our children though.

    My bf of 15 years had an affair w my husband. I get my kicks by showing him how hot and successful I am and now and then I meet her for lunch and remind her that she is a whore in a very matter of fact way. But both of them lost the privilege of my friendship since they didn’t value it in the first place.

    • Kristen Ferrell March 28, 2009 at 9:37 am #

      Forgiving our children is a whole different story. Our children depend on us to be their grounding, and need to be able to rely on the fact that we love them unconditionally. Our love for them (and their love for us) is so much greater than any relationship that we could have with anyone else on the planet. I can’t think of a single thing that my son could do that I wouldn’t be able to eventually get over and still adore him. Drug abuse and addiction runs in my biological bloodline as well as my ex husband’s, so I’ve given lots of thought to how I am going to handle Sully if he ever gets caught up in that. I think he may be the one person on the planet that I could let go of whatever he did and just be happy to give him great big hugs all the time.

      When I’m talking about forgiveness, it’s more about the situation with your husband and best friend. You have amazing strength to be able to still go out and have lunch with your best friend after that!! I could never bring myself to be in the same room with either of them after that! I’d probably freak out and start throwing food around.

      Good luck with your son today!! My heart is with you! Keep in mind that it’s harder for children and young adults to be able to let go of resentments and “see the big picture”, and alot of their stability relies on knowing that no matter what their parents are still on their side. I have no doubt that this is difficult to do after a long and bumpy road of hurt feelings. Stay strong, lady!!

  7. myshinyhell March 30, 2009 at 10:46 am #

    Love this blog and agree with you 100%. xoxoxoxoxox.

  8. Paige April 10, 2009 at 10:10 pm #

    I don’t think forgiveness is healthy, and I don’t think that humans are truely capable of it on a sincere and real level.

    Yes. I agree

  9. Kristen Ferrell April 27, 2009 at 8:05 pm #

    It’s a nice thought… but realistically, I just don’t think our brains are wired for it.

  10. Lucy April 29, 2009 at 2:42 am #

    This is such an interesting subject and one I’ve been torn over for years!

    When I first started reading this I didn’t agree with you about not forgiving (because of the hateful baggage you carry around with you) but as I read on I completely agree with everything you’ve said and realised that I do the same!

    I think if someone does a SERIOUS wrong doing to me, has fucked me over, or fucked me over for an extended period of time (all of which I haven’t let happen to me for many years because of these tarnished experiences) then there’s just emotional traumas and scars through no matter what kind of life-long repent or apologies can ever ‘heal’. It’s not a physically possible process – and this kind of conditioning is entirely their fault, particularly if it happened on a childhood basis. (Though I am aware of the fact that one can take more responsibility for their mind-sets and emotional baggage through psychotherapy or whatever as adults – but that does far from erasing or 100% healing the damage that has permanently been created).

    I think the more badly people are fucked over the more sensitive they become as people too. So any shit-happenings that happen to them thereon hurt that little bit more. Or they develop coping strategies which to others might seem highly defensive or protective or untrusting or whatever, and it also makes relationships harder!.. All of these things I’m really referring to myself!

    I think that it is unhealthy to be resentful and bear grudges (both of which I strongly do) but I just don’t believe the process of forgiveness is actually possible. I’ve thought about this long and hard and I think to delude yourself into thinking you’ve forgiven someone for something REALLY shit they’ve done, you’re merely supressing your own painful emotions; they’re not just going to magically ‘vanish’ through forgiveness because it doesn’t work like that. Your relationship with that person and perhaps the rest of the world (as you put it) becomes altered too. Like any kind of conditioning I suppose.. Also! To back up this theory, if you ‘forgive’ someone, and then in a few months/years to come have a change of mindset and decide to hate them again, OR worse for that matter, that same person does another shit-doing.. it’s only going to recall all of the original shit/baggage/emotions that was “tucked-away” through the initial “forgiveness”.

    I’ve found it best to just cut them out of my life too. Without their relevance in my life; there seems to be much less relevance to the emotional pain they’ve created. That’s the best method I’ve come to in life.

    • Kristen Ferrell April 30, 2009 at 10:16 am #

      It’s a super tricky topic. We all WANT to forgive, to rid ourselves from the pain and go on as if nothing ever happened. We want to reclaim our emotional stability and trust in other people… but when that’s shattered, there really is no going back 100%. Because not only is there pain and distrust- but we feel embarrassed and foolish for believing in the wrong-doer in the first place. And the pain is so great, that our brains set up defense mechanisms to keep that pain and betrayal from happening again.
      For someone to inflict that kind of mental and psychological destruction onto another person is unforgivable. They are required to apologized- because it does help to know that they are truly upset about what they have done- but it doesn’t make that pain and mistrust go away. Ever. And the hurt person is NOT required to accept their apology. The seed of distrust has been planted, and will continue to grow with every wrongdoing from that point on. It will never go away.

      Yes, I’ve found that purging these people from my life is the best way to heal. It may not be the nicest, but it’s always been what helps my heart in the most effective way.

  11. Lucy April 29, 2009 at 2:53 am #

    Also! I think that really shit-doings are certain character flaws, thus a product of their personality and strategy mechanisms. Kind of like liars, if they’ve done it once.. they’ll do it again.
    Some people are cut out for certain actions and behaviours that others aren’t.

    Unless of course they really hang their head in shame and take on a character reform because they’re so ashamed of their shitty-selves. THEN I MIGHT consider forgiving someone. It definitely wouldn’t be a boyfriend/husband in my lifetime though 🙂

    • janet August 29, 2015 at 10:53 pm #

      I agree. Some people are just wired to exploit ,and enjoy hurting others ,and they feel no shame, and are delusional about thinking they are a decent person. So forgiveness is lost on them. I guess thats why, I was unable to forgive ,when I encountered several of these types ,when in a vulnerable ,weakened state. I think, also, that if you hang around people like this, you are in danger of taking on this immorality.

  12. Fantasy June 5, 2009 at 7:31 am #

    I know this is an old post, but I find myself coming to it quite often.
    I agree with everything that youve said and have had to take a step back and evaluate myself and some of the douchebag fuckery that I deal with.
    I have a million things going through my brain right now. I am not as skilled in the written word as you seem to be so ill just stop now. BUT! Just want to say THANK YOU SO MUCH. You definitely just made my weekend better and I know exactly what im going to be doing. [Cuttin some ties forever, bitches!]
    Thanks for the clarity, Kristen.
    [we’ve never met but you give peachy advice…im the chick with the twins that emailed you 1.5 yrs ago. And i won yr “value ape” tattoo contest and look at yr pinky swear plate very day and smile. Jeezus, im still going…I just wanted to know that yr making a differnce…even though we’ve never met and its just through yr blogs. Ill be quiet now]

    • Kristen Ferrell June 11, 2009 at 9:53 am #

      I was talking about all this the other day with a co-worker. I have no problem cutting people out of my life because before I had my son, I collected “strays”. All the damaged and needy people who force you into the role of an emotional tampon, yet are never there for you when you’re falling, and they usually have no problems fucking you over if they can benefit somehow. I was the “mother figure” to these broken people, and was always trying to “fix” them- but was forever feeling alone, and consistently got screwed over. Then I had my son- and I realized “Shit… I actually have something worthwhile to put my efforts and love into. Fuck all these false-friends”. And I cut them all out of my life. Some of them, I even called up and told them to never contact me again. Harsh? No way. It was me saying “enough’s enough” and purging out the bullshit to make way for better things.
      Now, I’m INSANELY selective with who I allow in my life… and I prefer it this way. If a friend calls at 4am and needs help or to talk, I know that I can also call them at 4am if I need the same. And I don’t EVER have to questions any of their actions, motives, or honesty.
      And frankly, I’d rather spend the rest of my life alone than spend it surrounded by people I can’t trust. I deserve to have worthwhile people in my life- and so do you.
      I’m glad that my babble could help you out some!!

      • janet August 29, 2015 at 11:13 pm #

        I agree with your approach and would add that some people measure their worth by their popularity. I was put down so badly by my betrayes and told that it was my fault and no wonder I dont have any friends. Well, its true I dont have alot of friends, mainly just a co worker, a few women , my sister and a spouse who adores me completly and my son who loves me as well. And a buisness with many patients who are fond of me and look forward to seeing me every year. So when I thought about the insults that stung, I reakized what bullshit it was. Maybe I’m not popular by certain standards, but I know I’m basically a good person with a life, and that a spouse will do a whole lot more for me than any of those so called friends I lost would ever have done. A spouse doesnt leave at the end of the night, and if youre sick they’ll be there. Youre lucky to get a card or a plant from a friend. So anyway alot of put downs are really just people who are probably lacking in what youve got.

  13. KarenKingTarot (@KarenKingTarot) April 20, 2013 at 1:21 pm #

    100% agree with you on forgiveness its bullshit -fck em off n move on.

  14. Zizi November 23, 2014 at 4:43 am #

    Ummm…actually, Bill Wilson *did* cheat on his wife, throw stuff at her, and leave his family in financial ruin. That’s why she started Al-Anon, to learn how to be a good, nice, happy, cute little piece of dirt who smiles and remains serene while being treated like shit. “Look at me! I’m getting beaten, spit on, slapped, talked down to and/or sexually abused on a daily basis–but I’m not going to let it get to me! I am strong! I am happy! I feel nothing! No one has the power to make me feel pain or sadness or anger–those feelings are a mark of weakness!” http://www.orange-papers.org has some interesting stuff on this. As far as I’m concerned, 12-steppers can and should generally rot in hell.

    • janet August 29, 2015 at 11:26 pm #

      So that’s where all the bull shit forgiveness started? It feels like some politically correct mantra must forgive must forgive. Why? I dont have a problem forgiving people ,in general, in fact it was that forgiving nature of mine that did me in. I feel like I was lied to and that the rules have changed. So no if the person has screwed me over and enjoyed it and isnt the least bit sorry, fuck them. They arent getting my forgiveness too. I reserve that for those that deserve it.

      • Zizi August 30, 2015 at 12:54 am #

        I would also say that Oprah and her ilk contributed to this. It’s just not right to scare the hell out of people by making them think that if they don’t forgive, very baaaaaad things will happen to them. Screw it.

        • janet August 30, 2015 at 10:22 am #

          I think when Oprah has forgiven, its mainly because it was so long ago its no longer relevant to her life anymore. That woman hasnt had a new romance in decades. Thats an easy one. Ive alsi heard her kind if blame the victim, saying well didnt you know, Didnt you have doubts? And she acts like its their fault really, because deep down they must have known the truth. But how does that absolve the wrong doer and liar? To me thats stinking thinking. Its not ok to mistreat someone because they weren’t self protective enough. Ive heard that excuse before. An example is a guy thats had a girlfriend for seven years who wants him to marry her and she waits patiently. He doesnt want to marry her because she cant have kids and has had cancer before. When someone told me this, I said thats awful he should have let her know long ago that they wouldn’t ever marry so she could decide if she wants to stay or not. The person replied that its her fault really; and it was her job to find out if it would progress to that or not. I disagree with that, its still not ok to treat someone like that, and essentially use them for your own selfish reasons, without any meaningful intentions, when you know thats what they want..

        • janet August 30, 2015 at 10:36 am #

          Yeah bull shit on that. Im doing so much better than the people who hurt me. I have not forgiven, and yet Im doing great and they’re not. But I’ve focused as much as I can on creating new good memories and being grateful for what I have and channeling the pain into being a better person myself. Ive moved on as best I could one step at a time. Every success I have is even sweeter; because of those who wanted to destroy me and didnt suceed. Its the people who purposely mistreat people for sport that have the bad things happen to them.

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