A new Girl Scouts for a new day and age….

28 Mar

I tried to cook a family dinner tonight.  I made a really fantastic spinach quiche (and for me to cook something fantastic from scratch is a day to mark on your calendar and celebrate for years to come. “Kristen cooked something that wasn’t burnt and vile” day is now officially March 28th. Notify Hallmark).   Sully refused to eat it.  Brad has sworn off dairy.  So I gave up, put it in the fridge, waited for Sully to go to bed and for Brad to go out for the night… now I’m eating graham crackers and home-made fudge sauce for dinner instead- unable to look at my rejected quiche.  Go to hell, “family dinner night”.  (and if any of you want the fudge sauce recipe, I’ll gladly post it- it’s AWESOME!!!… and sooooo easy)

Yesterday I was digging through piles of crap in my office, and I found some of my old girl scout badges.  I had to look them up online to remember what little duty I had to conquer in order to prove my worthiness of these badges.  While I was hunting, I stumbled onto the Girl Scout Law.  I had long forgotten it, but seeing it again- it’s pretty fucking awesome:

I will do my best to be:
Honest and fair,
Friendly and helpful,
Considerate and caring,
Courageous and strong, and
Responsible for what I say and do,
And to
respect myself and others,
respect authority,
use resources wisely,
make the world a better place, and
be a sister to every Girl Scout.

And the Girl Scout Motto:  Be Prepared

Now, I hated Girl Scouts.  I quit at the 5th grade school carnival when they told me I had to spend my carnival-time cleaning up tables instead of playing the games (but I was an asshole little kid).  I hated selling the damn cookies.  I hated the summer camp with the heat and the bugs.  I just don’t remember enjoying any of it.  And the uniform’s sole purpose seemed intent on humiliation.  But reading the Girl Scout law now- I kindof love it.

Granted, I’d take out the “respect authority”, because “respecting self and others” already sums it up- and frankly, there are oodles of authority figures out there not deserving of respect.  To blindly respect someone just because they are in a position of power is a frightening thing to teach a child in this day and age.  There are too many creepy bad-touch shit-bags out there.  But the rest- it’s pretty damn solid.  If everyone followed those simple rules- life would be so much better.

But what really gave me tiny little chills was the motto: Be Prepared.

I know that it’s not supposed to be ominous- but to me, it is… yet mandatory.  Every little girl on the planet needs to have “Be Prepared” drilled into their head… and then they need to be taught how to prepare themselves, and for what.  I want to start my own Girl Scout Troop- but screw the lanyards, and the baking, and the cookie sales, and my little girl’s uniforms would look a little more Black-Panther-Party and a little less Designed-By-Retards-Who-Really-Like-St.Patrick’s-Day (the Black Panther’s just looked so damn cool!!).

In my girl scout troop, here are the ways I would start my girls on the road to Being Prepared, and what they would earn merit badges for:

  • Self defense classes: not martial arts or any of that “zen” stuff- but ways to beat the living shit out of an attacker in order to get away to safety
  • Loyalty to your fellow female: because there is FAR too much ladies-hating-ladies for the sake of stupid boys going around
  • Realistic Body Imaging:  every girl should be aware of just how much airbrushing goes into all those “perfect magazine girls” AND it’s not desirable for a 5’10” girl to weigh 110 pounds
  • Sex and Body Education:  everything a girl MUST know about her body and sex, but the church, the public schools and parents are too afraid to tell them
  • Rape and Abuse 101: the physical abuse, sexual abuse and rape statistics are through the roof- so every girl needs to know how to help themselves and help their friends if the unspeakable happens
  • Objectification 101:  ladies are not here for the sole purpose of getting a man off, serving his needs, or being his property.
  • Self Respect 101: seems simple- but it’s not… but fully necessary.
  • Self Reliance in ALL things: we don’t need men to hold our hands or support us through life.  Everything we want, we can get on our own… and then we can find a partner to be with because we like them, and not because we NEED them
  • Business, banking, and financial success:  ties into self reliance, and makes for more lady millionaires, which makes for more ladies calling the shots
  • Political Activeness: mandatory badge to be earned (but there will be different badges for each political or environmental issue)

The list could go on and on.  I’m thinking about having my own set of merit badges made for these and have them on my webstore (just like the little ones in girl scouts so we can sew them on our hoodies).  One for each topic.  If we feel we’ve really conquered and mastered this skill, and are secure in our abilities- then we get a badge, and can wear it proudly.  And if any of you have other things that need to be on this list- call it out!  I think the Girl Scouts needs a renovation.

But the motto “Be Prepared” should most definitely stay the same.  It applies now more than ever.


33 Responses to “A new Girl Scouts for a new day and age….”

  1. Jen March 29, 2009 at 9:03 am #

    I would absolutely put my daughter into this Girl Scout Club instead of the stereotypical one that shoves you in the kitchen and teaches you to sew.
    Albeit I was never even in Girl Scouts… all I ever wanted was to follow the Boy Scouts into the woods and learn survival techniques. I didn’t think it was fair that the girls always had to sell cookies and wear skirts. I wanted to brandish a pocket knife and get dirty.
    I want to earn some merit badges! I am ready and so is my little one.

    • Kristen Ferrell March 29, 2009 at 9:52 am #

      I always liked sewing and all that stuff…. but I also think it’s important for girls to be in on survival techniques, emergency preparedness, and the stuff that the boy scouts learned. And yeah- pocket knives for everyone.

  2. Rhonda March 29, 2009 at 9:17 am #

    That’s such a good idea, especially about the sexual abuse and realistic body image. I’m shorter than 5’10, I’m 5’1 but I weigh less than 110 pounds and it totally sucks, I hate it when people say things like “I wish I could be skinny” I say “you got banging curves that is way hotter than fucking boney hips.” And about sexual abuse, I’m not going to deep into that, but kids should learn the correct names for all their body parts without being embarrassed and though schools have somewhat of a responsibility I think the parents should be willing, comfortable, and prioritize about teaching their kids about sexual abuse, because it’s not just stranger danger anymore, and any parent who think it can’t happen to their kid is really naive, too many people in this world, too many people equals more problems. And sexual abuses effects last a lifetime. Too bad about the quiche being ignored, I just licked some brownie batter, and it was awesome and I don’t care if there is a raw egg in that batter.

    • Kristen Ferrell March 29, 2009 at 10:02 am #

      I’m in the same boat as you with the body thing. I’m too skinny, and it’s not cool. My metabolism is insane and I can’t help it. And it’s most definitely NOT something to aspire to. I would love to be at least 15 pounds heavier with amazing curves the way a girl is SUPPOSED to look. We need to teach our girls to take pride in those hips, tummies and butts (because they’re SUPER hot!).

      And “Stranger Danger” was the most irresponsible and dangerous public campaign ever created. Very few abuse cases occur with strangers. Sexual abuse usually occurs with family, friends of the family, or “trusted” authority figures. “Stranger Danger” set hundreds of thousands of little kids up to lose. And you’re right- damage from sexual abuse does last a lifetime, so it’s mandatory to be upfront and honest with our kids about it.
      These topics are what teach girls to Be Prepared… not making Dream Catchers.

  3. Laura March 29, 2009 at 9:21 am #

    I love, love, love this blog!!! And you read my mind–as I read the list of Girl Scout Laws, I instantly thought that the “respect authority” one was utter bullshit. A few lines later, you said just what I was thinking! Respecting authority can be incredibly naive and dangerous. I also would change “be a sister to every Girl Scout” to “be a sister to every Girl.” I actually think it’s really disappointing that they specify “Girl Scout,” and not girl.
    I think we should get a group of wonderful women together and start a Southern Cali girls’ group with your agenda. (Then once we’ve officially dominated this part of the state, it’ll spread nationally.) Young girls are getting tragically jipped with their current role models and education. This group would be beautiful and amazing. I barely remember my Girl Scout experience (I dropped out young, too) but unfortunately I don’t recall it being nearly as empowering or unifying as those laws present.
    And I would ABSOLUTELY buy those patches! I think that’s a brilliant idea.

    P.S. PLEASE post the fudge recipe! Reading about it made my mouth water. Graham crackers and fudge sounds like the perfect dinner (although that quiche sounded pretty good, too!).
    P.P.S. For those of you who haven’t read CUNT by Inga Muscio–if you liked this blog, you’ll definitely appreciate that book. I think it should be pre-requisite reading for every young girl and woman.

    • Kristen Ferrell March 29, 2009 at 10:17 am #

      Yes, I certainly don’t want girls being against other girls because they’re not in the “girl scouts”. That’s just crazy. I think it’s so so so so important for girls to learn to cherish other girls, instead of seeing them as competition. Girls are raised with impossible standards, and to compete with other girls for the sake of boys- but then aren’t ever taught how to deal with these pressures in a healthy way. That’s why you have the psychological warfare that goes on between girls in junior high and high school with the mind games and the cruelty. This all has to go. It’s sick and unnecessary, and can damage girls for life.
      Our girls need serious help- now more than ever. They have NO positive role models, they’re growing up aspiring to be strippers and porn stars, and the messages from society and the media are pressuring teaching them all the wrong lessons of how to be a strong, independent, and healthy lady. Sexual exploitation is not sexual empowerment. Paris Hilton is not a good role model. Intelligence, self-confidence, and wit are FAR sexier than heels and mini skirts any day of the week (and if the boy your with disagrees, he’s not worth a shit). The list could go on and on.

      And the book Cunt really is amazing.

      I think I will start on those patches. I just have to find a good embroidery place. 😀

      • Kristen Ferrell March 29, 2009 at 10:25 am #

        OH! The chocolate recipe:

        Devil’s Food Chocolate Sauce
        4oz unsalted butter
        1 oz unsweetened chocolate
        2/3 c. granulated sugar
        1/4 c. unsweetened cocoa powder
        1/2 c. heavy whipping cream (but Half & Half can work in a pinch)
        1 tsp. vanilla extract

        Melt the butter and unsweetened chocolate in a saucepan on low heat, stirring occasionally. Add the sugar, cocoa, and cream. Stir with a wire whisk until fully mixed. Increase the heat a bit to medium-low, and stir often until it comes to a low boil (watch carefully to make sure it doesn’t burn).
        When it comes to a low boil, remove it from the heat and whisk in the vanilla.
        Poof! That’s it!!
        It will thicken as it cools, and if you refrigerate it it get’s really thick. Keep it warm as a sauce, or let it cool and spread it on strawberries or graham crackers. It can be refrigerated up to 2 weeks.

        It’s my favorite thing in the world to make.

  4. germinfested March 29, 2009 at 10:30 am #

    God, Kristen. You’re magical. This makes so much sense. I wish I had these values instilled in me at an early age. I kindof did by my mom, but in 5th grade, it doesn’t mean a lot. We only listen to our friends when we’re young, and they were ALL in girl scouts. It was gross. I’d like a troop leader like you. You could lead fireside knitting time and Ass Kicking 101.

    I’m starting to produce a wee little zine. It would be awesomeee if you could write something for it, but I know you’re stacked to the rafters with manic. You truly know what you’re talking about and always have something insightful to say.

    • Kristen Ferrell March 29, 2009 at 10:49 am #

      I’d LOVE to write something for your zine!!! You should do a physical zine as well as an online one in blog form! Send me an email at kristenferrell.clothing@gmail.com and let me know what you want me to write about!

      The problem with Girl Scouts is that it hasn’t really evolved with the times. Granted, you can earn merit badges for things involving the environment and technology now… but what about the teaching the girls things that will REALLY help them thrive as they get older and truly help them to Be Prepared? Knowing how to make a campfire won’t help you when your 13 years old, on the verge of an eating disorder, and having unprotected sex that you’ve been pressured into. The self-esteem foundation was never set up, and these girls have no clue how to emotionally handle major pressures, and how to stand up for themselves. It breaks my heart to pieces.

      • germinfested March 29, 2009 at 2:39 pm #

        Exactly. They’re teaching elementary school girls how to be the best housewife possible. My mom told me that when she was in middle school, all the girls were required to take a home economics class. Retarded. You should start Kristen’s Cupcake Troop and we can all join and get merits.

        • Kristen Ferrell March 29, 2009 at 2:41 pm #

          “Cupcake Troop”!!!! That’s awesome!!!!

          I think this is now totally has to happen.

          • chelsea rae March 29, 2009 at 5:20 pm #

            Oh please yes!! This is the best idea all day!

            I was never in Girl Scouts, I was in Campfire Boys <I<and Girls, & also 4-H (and the kids were mean in both.)

  5. melancholymonday March 29, 2009 at 11:48 am #

    Badges = awesome idea!! I was a Brownie for a while, but never graduated to Girl Scout. It was disorganized, it wasn’t fun and all the older girls weren’t very nice. So I quit. Good for me.

    Did you get my last email? Cause so much is happening here….

    • Kristen Ferrell March 29, 2009 at 2:42 pm #

      The older girls weren’t nice to us younger ones in GS either!! I never understood it (but older kids were never nice to me).

      I didn’t get your last email!!! Email me again!! Tell me stories!!!

  6. matt March 29, 2009 at 1:27 pm #

    This blog’s great!! Thanks :).

  7. christine March 29, 2009 at 2:36 pm #

    I was a brownie and I was such a tom boy I think the scout leader hated me hah! I would totally join gs’s if you ran it. And I am soo trying that recipe, yum!

    • Kristen Ferrell March 29, 2009 at 2:44 pm #

      The recipe is totally worth the try. Super easy, super yummy (it’s the easy part of any recipe that wins me over).

      I’m researching badge embroidery places right now. Why does everything have to be so fucking expensive??!! ugh.

  8. jenna mannino March 29, 2009 at 9:21 pm #

    i think the badges are an awesome idea. and i can really relate to the weight issue. i’m about 5’6 and weigh 110 at the most. i’ve been trying to gain weight for as long as i can remember, but nothing seems to happen. it’s nice to know other people experience wanting to GAIN weight instead of always trying to lose it.

    • Kristen Ferrell March 30, 2009 at 3:44 pm #

      I want to shake every single girl who is sad about their BEAUTIFUL curvy bodies and scream at the top of my lungs “BE EXCITED YOU LOOK LIKE A GIRL!!!! I HAVE THE SAME FIGURE AS MY 10 YEAR OLD SON!!!! ONLY MEMBERS OF N.A.M.B.L.A. THINK I’M HOT!!!!”

      I would kill a stranger on the street for a great big ass. Seriously. You curvy girls don’t even know how good you all look!!!!

      • whitney March 30, 2009 at 8:32 pm #

        i will gladly cut you a sliver of my ass and serve you some of my muffin top on a platter. haha. i have plenty to go around!

        • Kristen Ferrell March 31, 2009 at 6:14 pm #

          I want it!!! PPPPLLLEEEAAASSSEE!!!!
          Whitney- you’re hot. 100%. Don’t ever question that.

          I took years of life drawing in college. And the girls who modeled who were super skinny (and had bodies like mine)were no fun to draw AT ALL. But the curvy girls, who had tummies and hips and curves all over the place were AWESOME!!!
          And the boys were just boring to draw. The only curvy and technically challenging part on their body was their dong- so I just made giant portraits of dongs whenever we had guy models.

  9. Ophelia Immortal March 30, 2009 at 4:50 am #

    Absolutely marvelous idea! I’ve always refused to go to any form of Girl Guides-thing, as it simply wasn’t something I could get interested in. I was very shy and had problems getting on with people (children can be exceptionally cruel at times, and being the “survival of the strongest” law ever present, I was generally picked on) and would always prefer to read or draw or what-have-you. I never really “got” the nature-attentive guides or all the field trips. But this?
    This is an exceptional idea! Girls learning everything they need in life. They wouldn’t be brought up in a glass ball any longer, and they wouldn’t be launched unprepared into the World once they finish school or start leading a life outside the nest. I watch on in horror as the new generations just take everything for granted, and simply think the world is a big playground. Don’t get me wrong, the thing that makes children children, is their vision of life, how they can still dream (even though, unfortunately it doesn’t always work out like that). No one should ever rob a child of those wonderful years in life where they don’t have to worry about all the evils of the world… BUT they should start to have an idea of what life is about. So yeah, thumbs up! Am all for it! If you ever think of going official, I’ll start the italian branch 😀

    On a lighter note, the sauce was absolutely luscious with a chocolate sponge pudding, ideal also to be used as a filling. Thanks.

  10. pokika rebel rabbit March 30, 2009 at 5:54 am #

    I’m on it!

  11. whitney March 30, 2009 at 6:41 am #

    where do i sign?!

    one thing though, i think keeping the baking/cooking is a must! so that when we DO cook the things the boys really want to eat, they can’t have any. mwahaha.

  12. berger March 30, 2009 at 12:28 pm #

    i will join that gang. 🙂

    • Kristen Ferrell March 30, 2009 at 3:40 pm #

      Dude- you’re gonna be one of the co-founders. That way I can get you out here to California more for “conferences” and work meetings.

  13. Kristen Ferrell March 30, 2009 at 4:38 pm #

    I just found a super rad patch embroidery shop. I’m making these god damn patches.

  14. svila April 1, 2009 at 8:38 am #

    but skinny girls are also hot i´m thin and super hot and kristen you know that you are beautiful- please marry me 😉

    • Kristen Ferrell April 1, 2009 at 3:19 pm #

      Oh svila…. I ACCEPT!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!

      Don’t get me wrong- skinny girls are also hot. But I’ve always been too thin and wanted to be bigger- so it breaks my heart to pieces when my gorgeous curvy friends get down on themselves and diet or over-exercise because they think curvy=fat. Curvy does NOT = fat. Curvy = waaaaaaaay hot amazingness that I am jealous of.

  15. svila April 6, 2009 at 9:54 am #

    nooooo thats right you are right girls are hot anyway and yes it doesn´t matter which shape…….. i´m a model at the art university and one of the guys said last time that everything of a man which is more beautiful than an ape is luxury now i always have to think about that (and i see everywhere monkeys) and he is so right i really like men but women are so much more beautiful
    whatever my daughter and me are waiting for your girls gang and i´m looking so much forward to marry you

  16. ike April 6, 2009 at 1:55 pm #

    Astonishingly comprehensive and helpful. I do not know what I would do without.

  17. Cassie April 8, 2009 at 5:34 am #

    Lily is in girl scouts. And guess who’s her junior troop leader?
    ME! That is right!! Ha!

    What is great about GS now is that we can teach all those things and more now. They no longer have to wear uniforms, just their sashes. I get to pick and choose what projects we do as a group. As long as I can get it to flow into the guidelines of a certain patch, we are gold! We have already done finance badges and budgeting, self awareness and positive role models.

    I do like all you ideas though! I may e-mail you for some more so I can be sure my girls are properly prepared!

  18. daMamma April 22, 2009 at 9:58 am #

    Kristen, you are brilliant!

    I love, love, love the idea for merit badges in your “school of life” Perfect courses for ALL girls. Should you ever make them I’m sure you’ll have a sure fire sell out winner! For the boys, I’d like to see them all learn life lessons in Cooking, keeping house, Laundry & Ironing. Then there is Child care and all the other “little girl” stuff we women are expected to just “know”. I taught my grown sons all that stuff, one day monkey-man (2yrs old) will know it too. I don’t want my boys marrying or living with a woman so they can have these things done for them because they grew up to be idiot males.

    Understanding their own bodies (both sons and daughters) sexuality and the consiquences of being physical is extremely important as well. Also the major difference between appropriate (or consentual) and inappropriate (or non consentual) touching.

    Be true to themselves, love themselves, (if they don’t who else will) and respect themselves in all things.

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