Dear Stupid Boys,

7 May

(I will preface this post by saying that there will be lots of grand generalizations and stereotyping in this.  I know not ALL boys are selfish, ego-maniacal, social retards… just the ones that I’ve come in contact with.  My whole life.  All of them.  So only take offense if you’re guilty of any of the mentioned behaviors- and if you are offended, don’t yell at me.  Take a look at yourself and CHANGE… dick)

I’m not sure why it is so hard for fellas to get a grasp on basic common sense.  And why it’s even harder for them to follow the “Golden Rule” in relationships.  They get a little comfortable with their lady- and POOF!  They guy that we fell in love with disappears, and we’re left with a grumpy foot-stomping asshole who can’t pick up after themselves.  Why the fuck is this?  Don’t they know that the more you like someone, the better you should treat them?  And if you actually fall in LOVE with someone, you should treat them the BEST… not worse.  It’s insulting, and infuriating, and my patience with it is gone.  So to any boy who is reading this, take notes, and then treat that special lady like she actually IS SPECIAL- not just some chick who happens to be around all the time.

  1. If you have a hard working lady who rarely ever gets to leave the house (but you get to go out and run around every fucking night), and you have a rare situation where the BOTH of you get to go out and run around- make it something SHE wants to do.  She works her ass off every day, and doesn’t want to spend her free time doing your douchy guy bullshit.  It’s not fun for her- so it won’t be worth her time.
  2. If you mention doing your douchy guy bullshit on your free night out, and your tired and hardworking lady isn’t totally excited about it… don’t yell at her.  Don’t make her feel bad, and guilt her about not wanting to take part in your douchy guy activities.  These angry and infantile behaviors won’t make her suddenly want to do your douchy guy bullshit.  It will make her hate your douchy guy bullshit that much more because it has caused arguments,  AND it will make her not want to hang out with you AT ALL because you’re a fucking asshole.  Why not take a stab at being romantic and thinking of something creative that SHE likes (ya know, the way you used to when you were trying to show her that she was important to you).
  3. If you’re lucky enough have a super hardworking lady in your life, show her you appreciate her hard work.  How about picking up all your stupid dirty laundry and piles of crap that’s littered all over the house.  Or cleaning the sheets.  Or wiping down the counters in the bathroom.  Or cleaning the floors that you spill coffee on EVERY FUCKING DAY.  Or surprising her by making her dinner ONCE in the 7 years you’ve been together.  Those are some starter ideas.  She works hard, and puts up with you.  She deserves a damn medal… but is awesome enough to accept only a little help around the house.
  4. If you say you’re going to do something…. do it.  I don’t care what it is.  Just do it.  It’s far more insulting to promise to do something and then not do it, than it is to never offer in the first place.  It shows us you can’t be relied upon to help us, and that you’re full of shit.  Don’t be that “full of shit guy”.  No one likes that guy.  He sucks.
  5. If you say you’re going to do something, and then start to do it, DO NOT get whiny, and bitch and moan the whole time you’re doing it.  You agreed to do it- so grow a set and get it done without incident.  And DO NOT act like we owe you the world because you’re actually doing the mundane and simple task that you agreed to do.  If you don’t want to do the task- then don’t agree to it in the first place.  We would much rather do the task ourselves than listen to you whine like a little sister.  Your whining shows lack of character, and it’s fucking annoying.
  6. Things like birthdays, mother’s day, valentine’s day, etc., ARE important.  Acknowledge this.  Always.  It doesn’t matter if your lady says that she doesn’t like holidays, or doesn’t want to celebrate birthdays… do something anyways.  Maybe if you make these days fun for her, then she will start to like them.  But ignoring them, or FORGETTING THEM, or screwing them up with your own selfish grumpiness only makes her feel unimportant and hate them more.  Don’t tell her you’re taking her to a metal show on Mother’s day when you KNOW she doesn’t like going to metal shows, and THEN get mad at her because she doesn’t want to go to the metal show.  THIS IS NOT THE WAY FOR A GOOD HUSBAND TO BEHAVE.  She just might spit in your coffee on Father’s Day.  And you would fully deserve it.
  7. If the cat pukes, don’t leave it there until she comes home to clean it up.
  8. If you can’t remember the last time you made her feel pretty, then you’re a total shit stain.  Note- I didn’t say “tell her she’s pretty”… I said “made her feel pretty”.  There is a MASSIVE difference between these 2 things.  And if I have to explain them to you, you have no right being in a relationship, and you’d better figure it out fast- or else someone else might “make her feel pretty” and then you’re shit-outta-luck and alone.
  9. Relationships are all about compromise and sacrifice for the good of the couple/family.  If you can’t handle this- you’re a dick to have sucked someone into a  relationship with you in the first place.  It isn’t YOUR relationship, or YOUR sex life, or YOUR money, or YOUR house, or YOUR free time- it belongs to both of you equally.  So behave accordingly.  You have to look at the good of the group- not just what YOU WANT.  This applies to every aspect of the relationship from chores to sex.  So get over yourself.  (and she HAS made sacrifices for you- but you might not know it because she doesn’t make a huge production about it)
  10. The Golden Rule applies most to the people you care about.  If you want to come home to someone who will greet you with loving, understanding and open arms- you have to be that person as well.  If you want your lady to be fun, playful, spontaneous and filled with giggles, you have to be that person too.  It’s hard for us to be loving and filled with giggles if you’re a grumpy stompy demanding stick-in-the-mud.  It’s ok to be grumpy and have bad days- but allow us those kind of days too.  And if you want us to help you pull out of a bad day- do the same for us.

This is all so simple and basic that it blows my mind I even have to state it.  But there it is.  Stated in black and white.  There really should be no questions.

Thank you.


39 Responses to “Dear Stupid Boys,”

  1. adri May 7, 2009 at 3:25 pm #

    damn right.

  2. Missy May 7, 2009 at 3:35 pm #

    OMG Thank you.
    It is comforting to know I’m not the only one who rams my head against this brick wall every day.

    • Kristen Ferrell May 7, 2009 at 3:55 pm #

      I post things like this because I KNOW I’m not the only one who is totally floored on a daily basis by this kind of male behavior. It’s all such basic stuff- I don’t know how guy’s don’t get it!!!

  3. melancholymonday May 7, 2009 at 4:36 pm #

    This is probably totally inappropriate to say, but it’s things like this that make me realize I’m married to a pretty awesome guy. I think he does more housework than I do. But then again, just about the time I give him credit for being awesome, he turns around and says something that makes him sound like a total dick. Meh, whatdaya gonna do?

    • Kristen Ferrell May 7, 2009 at 5:26 pm #

      It’s totally NOT inappropriate to say! I love hearing this!! It gives me a shred of hope. I have friends who have amazing husbands- so I know it’s possible. I think that wives and girlfriends get taken for granted too easily… and it’s NOT FAIR!!!

    • whitney May 7, 2009 at 6:00 pm #

      yeah, we lucked out. hah.
      after reading kristen’s “stupid boy” stuff, it makes me feel kinda bad being married to a nice guy… but he too can also have some man-tantrums, but i am probably still way worse than him!

      • Kristen Ferrell May 9, 2009 at 10:09 am #

        NO!! Don’t feel bad!! Be totally excited that you have a well behaved fella that doesn’t make your head spin at least 4 times a week.
        Pat his head and give him a cookie. 🙂

  4. ky May 7, 2009 at 4:47 pm #

    yip. it’s stupid. frustrating. dumb. exhausting. i relate. miss you kristen.

  5. april May 7, 2009 at 4:48 pm #

    AMEN. It’s not rocket science. I think some really old dude wrote something a few thousand years ago that went like this: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Simple, right?

    • Kristen Ferrell May 9, 2009 at 10:24 am #

      You would THINK it would be that simple. We’re all taught it as children- so I would think that it would stick. Unfortunately, it doesn’t when you own a penis.

  6. HarleeQ May 7, 2009 at 9:46 pm #

    I sent this to my husband as soon as i read it, thank you for wording things much clearer than i can!

    • Kristen Ferrell May 9, 2009 at 10:28 am #

      Hopefully it helped! I think that fellas need reminding of just how screwed and miserable they’d be if we weren’t around. But the reminding can’t come from us, because then they think we’re being whiny and needy- which is insulting. grrrr…

  7. khat May 8, 2009 at 12:53 am #

    I love you so much for posting this.
    Like, so so much.
    Esp #6, considering my birthday is this weekend and the bf went out of town for douchy guy shit.

    • Kristen Ferrell May 9, 2009 at 10:15 am #

      My birthday was forgotten. I had the day off from work, and I was hoping for a “special day”. I waited from morning until the afternoon for Brad to say something… but not a word. Finally, he came into my office and said “your birthday is coming up- what do you want to do for it?”. And I said “It’s actually happening right now”. That night he ran to Target and bought me a movie and some icecream to try to make up for it- and then fell asleep halfway through the movie when we were watching it.
      Happy birthday to me.

  8. Tawni May 8, 2009 at 4:13 am #

    Write a book, K? Please? Your awesomeness must be shared with the world. 🙂 xoxoxoxoxoxo.

    • Kristen Ferrell May 9, 2009 at 10:19 am #

      Awwww…. thank you! xoxoxoxoxoox
      Anyone out there know any publishers?

    • Georgie June 27, 2009 at 7:21 pm #

      I’ve said this for years – africkinmazing woman with words

  9. Lemissa May 8, 2009 at 9:59 am #

    THANK YOU!!!!! Tell Bradley to watch it or you will run away with me! I would love nothing more than to make Kristen feel pretty EVERY day!!!!!

    You rock lady!


    • Kristen Ferrell May 9, 2009 at 10:21 am #

      Oh lady…. You’re one of the handful of people I know who knows EXACTLY how to make someone feel beautiful and special! I might just run away to the forest with you!!

  10. Paige May 8, 2009 at 8:17 pm #

    Yes. Maybe we should all be lesbians,
    I think all the boys that I have come in contact with are guilty of these things. Boys… they are just inferior.

    • Jeanne May 9, 2009 at 5:58 am #

      Lesbianism certainly works wonders for my relationships with men. 🙂

    • Kristen Ferrell May 9, 2009 at 10:35 am #

      I hate that nature hardwires genders so differently. It’s such a pain in the ass. But I think alot of it is cultural too. I will never understand why the introspective, nurturing, empathetic, and emotionally expressive gender is seen as the weaker one in our culture. It allows all these wonderful qualities are seen as “weak” and dismissed. RUDE!!!
      This is the reason why female bonds are so much stronger than male bonds- we bond on a completely different level.

      • Paige May 10, 2009 at 3:10 pm #

        Agreed, Female bonds.. we need more of… to deal with the manly ones in our lives.

  11. Steve May 9, 2009 at 6:26 pm #

    I am inferior, but I just patted myself on the head and gave me a cookie anyway.

    • Kristen Ferrell May 9, 2009 at 6:30 pm #

      I KNOW you treat your lady like a queen… so you get double pats on the head and a whole plate of cookies.

  12. hayley May 10, 2009 at 4:28 pm #

    I have a good one for all the boys

    REMEMBER your girlfriends birthday

    never ever EVER forget that a certain day is their birthday and then decide to break up with them

    • Kristen Ferrell May 10, 2009 at 6:34 pm #

      NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! HE DIDN’T!!!!!!!!!! THAT’S FUCKING VILE!!!!!!!!!!!!
      I am so so sorry!
      That makes me want to vomit all over him.

    • Butcherbaby May 22, 2009 at 5:19 am #

      or valentines day- that seems to be a really common break-up day too.

      • Kristen Ferrell May 22, 2009 at 5:18 pm #

        I know!!! I just don’t get that!!! Can’t they wait a few days until the 16th or the 18th so that “Love Day” isn’t forever tainted for their poor girl? Geeeeez!!!!

  13. christine May 11, 2009 at 2:31 pm #

    I am printing this out and keeping this one on file. Also…for my own personal list I would add “don’t tell your woman you’re working so hard and she has no idea what you have to do”. I rip guys new assholes on this one, since they don’t have to handle human remains all day (and all the oh-so-fun stuff like shitty diapers that goes along with it)
    Also, telling your woman her hair smells like a funeral home…bleach and embalming fluid… isn’t flattering. AT ALL.

  14. Unkle Steve May 15, 2009 at 12:28 pm #

    Ah fuck, I knew it.

    Apparently, I’m a woman.

  15. yard June 7, 2009 at 11:27 pm #

    You want to be floored Kristen? I had a guy a few weeks ago tell me that “maybe I just need to sleep with someone hotter than my (x)wife in order to get over her”…then proceeded to apologize to me for being so cruel and thoughtless the following day by basically telling me he doesn’t think I’m hotter then his wife (he is renting out the bottom of my house)then proceeds to bring a 21 year old girl home the following night )this is like a week after we stopped seeing each other and a week after he moved in. BAD. LAME. MEAN.

    • Kristen Ferrell June 11, 2009 at 9:00 am #

      GEEEEEzus!!!! Some of the shit that comes out of a guy’s mouth astounds me. Seriously. Is it ignorance or social retardation? I can’t tell. Either way, we REALLY shouldn’t have to endure it.
      Yes….. BAD. LAME. MEAN!

  16. VeroRebel November 22, 2012 at 5:55 am #

    Every man in the world should read this starting from the tardo i’m love with.

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