Adventures of a flying cat (or alternately titled “If you’re going to piss yourself, it’s best to do it in the shower”)

6 Jul

I own a flying cat.  It’s true.  You can laugh, and wave your hand at me dismissively saying “Whatever, Kristen… you’re crazy!”.  But I live with it… and I’ve experienced the aftermath of a crazy flying cat.  Laugh all you want.  I don’t care.

First- an introduction to my flying cat.  This is Daisy Ding-Dong Stupid Face (we call her Dingers for short).  She only weighs 5 pounds, and she hates everyone but me.  She’ll sometimes allow Sully to pet her- but only because he’s an extension of me.  She hates Brad.  She howled like she had been gutted the whole time my parents were in town because they were in the Mama’s house (FYI- I’m the Mama).  She’s nuts, and spends her days running from one end of the house to the other, climbing all the screens on the windows and doors.  And she can fly.  Here is some photographic evidence:

Dingers hanging out on top of the shutters.

Dingers hanging out on top of the shutters.

Dingers hanging out on the top of a door.

Dingers hanging out on the top of a door.

Dingers hanging out on my top shelf in my office right next to the ceiling.

Dingers hanging out on my top shelf in my office right next to the ceiling.

This is to show just how much she loves me and only me (please disregard the crappy photo of me)

This is to show just how much she loves me and only me (please disregard the crappy photo of me)

These are just a few shots to emphasize that I’m not fucking around.  There is no way that any normal cat can get into any of these spots (and trust me, my other cats have tried- and failed painfully and miserably).

A little backstory so that what happened tonight makes sense.  Brad is out of town.  But I’m not afraid of being in the house when it’s just me and Sully.  Our house is safe and secure, and well armed and booby-trapped for any predators who would try to get in.  The only time I do get nervous is when I take a shower… so I always leave the door open so I can hear what’s going on outside the bathroom.  Dingers is obsessed with the shower.  She will run around the edge of the tub while I’m in there, and she doesn’t care if she gets drenched.

With that being explained… I was in the shower tonight, and I hear a big “THUD THUD THUD”.  Startled, I pull back the curtain ready to throw a punch at some intruder- and I see Dingers sitting there on the shut toilet seat with her eyes wide, and no intruder to speak of.  I shut the curtain, and a couple minutes later- “THUD THUD THUD” again.  Again, curtain thrown back ready to fight; and again, Dingers sitting on the toilet staring up at me.    This time I get out of the shower, grab a huge pair of scissors that were laying on the bathroom counter and march out into the bedroom prepared for a battle… and nothing.  So I go back to the shower (and I keep the scissors with me).  A couple minutes later, I hear “THUD THUD TEAR- HOOOOWWWLLL!!!!”.  The shower curtain lunges in my direction, I grab the scissors from the soap dish and thrust them in front of me to impale whatever attacker has unwisely decided to try to make me his victim…. but no one is there.  Instead, I look up…. and peeking over the top of the shower rod is little Dinger’s face and her little front feet.   She had flown 5 times her body length to the top of the shower rod, and was hanging there- amazed that she had done it… but thoroughly perplexed to what she was going to do now that she was up there.  I screamed “GODDAMNIT FUCKING DINGER STUPID FACE!!!”, and she responded with a howl, and then she fell to the floor and ran away.  Apparently, the previous thuds were her failed attempts to fly to the top of the shower rod.

The lesson of tonight is that if you’re going to own a flying cat, keep your bathroom door shut when you take a shower.  The other lesson is that if you’re going to piss yourself from fright (which I think I may have done), be sure to be taking a shower at the time.

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16 Responses to “Adventures of a flying cat (or alternately titled “If you’re going to piss yourself, it’s best to do it in the shower”)”

  1. hayley g July 6, 2009 at 9:10 am #

    hahah, hey can i send my cat to you so she can learn that she is not the queen of england and to enjoy my company, even when she doesn’t need something?

    • Kristen Ferrell July 6, 2009 at 8:14 pm #

      I think that if your cat was sent to live with my 5 terrors for a while, she’d do just about anything you want her to when she got back to you- mainly because she’s so happy to no longer be in a house filled with other bonkers cats!!
      ha!

      • hayley g July 6, 2009 at 8:43 pm #

        dont tease me!

  2. daMamma July 6, 2009 at 6:41 pm #

    Cats sure are full of mystery aren’t they? I had one that not only could open doors, but close them behind him. Another one would turn the lights on or off as she pleased. Both could talk. Little one word sentences clear as a bell. Out, milk, eat, no, and so on.

    So when you say you have a flying cat, I totally believe that. Cats are totally cool critters.

    • Kristen Ferrell July 6, 2009 at 8:12 pm #

      Our black cat, Lila, can talk. She will fully say “No” when you pick her up (she loves to cuddle, but hates being held), or if you’re trying to get her to do something she doesn’t want. And she’s got conversational etiquette down. She’ll meow out a long story, and then pause for you to respond, then talk some more, and then pause for a response, and so on. And she never interrupts… she’s a very polite talker. But she does talk ALL THE TIME.

      I have to really keep myself in check, because I want tons more cats… but the 5 we have is quite enough.
      😉

  3. kasia July 6, 2009 at 7:49 pm #

    I just love that you call your cat Daisy Ding-Dong Stupid Face. Quite possibly the best cat name ever.

    • Kristen Ferrell July 6, 2009 at 8:12 pm #

      I’m the one that named her that. All our cats either came already named, or Sully named them. But Dingers is all mine.
      😀

  4. hayley July 6, 2009 at 9:41 pm #

    My cat Cupcake can kind of fly like Daisy, she’s always jumping on things. For example jumping on my shoulders as I’m walking. But she’s the devil on four paws (I call her Satan’s kitty). She’s causes all sorts of damage, breaks things, tears up things that cannot be replaced. And she’ll lick your face off and suck on your ears, and all will be forgotten. Except I no longer let her in my room, she tears things like no other and I have autographed shit by favorite bands of mine that no one is allowed to touch.

    But anyway before I continue rambling, the Daisy on the shower incident is almost exactly what my cat did. Cupcake was really sick when we got her, so the vet recommended we put her in the bathroom and run a hot shower. While I was in the shower, she gets in and starts rubbing on my leg, scaring the crap outta me. Obviously I never take her with me in the bathroom anymore.

    Cat people, we can go on and on about our kitties

    • whitney July 7, 2009 at 3:57 pm #

      “Cat people, we can go on and on about our kitties”

      this is true!

  5. whitney July 7, 2009 at 3:57 pm #

    krstn- you truly are a crazy cat lady!!!

    just kidding. i totally believe it. cats are just amazing like that.
    i too have a high-jumping-flying cat, an obsessive talker who also just happens to have the worst diarrhea breath ever, a cat that eats pretty much any food and the one who can seem to make a cozy bed with anything in the house.
    ahh, such magnificent creatures cats are!!

  6. lindsay July 27, 2009 at 11:49 pm #

    I totally know your cat can fly. My cat Bob can climb straight up a wall for no reason and he yells noooooo when you pick him up too, just like yours. People are always on the look out for aliens in the sky or in the desert or wherever, but it is too late, the aliens have landed and we let them live in our houses. Cats are aliens.

  7. DeeStroi July 30, 2009 at 8:30 am #

    “GODDAMNIT FUCKING DINGER STUPID FACE!”

    hahaa i think im going to yell that at people when im driving now!

  8. DeeStroi July 30, 2009 at 8:30 am #

    PS. Did you get rid of the dreads?

    • Kristen Ferrell August 1, 2009 at 5:39 pm #

      YES! It took 2 weeks- but I brushed them all out. Now I’m trying to figure out the mystery of “normal girl hair”. Products and rollers and curling irons and bobby pins, etc. It’s been a little traumatic. But my head is about 10 pounds lighter.
      🙂

  9. Peltier Cooler January 24, 2011 at 3:38 pm #

    ~;~ I am very thankful to this topic because it really gives great information ~’,

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