Rules of conduct when bad moods are in play…..

15 Sep

I had to get glasses.  I took this as a personal attack on myself.  I seem to be slowly but surely falling apart, and this annoys me greatly.  Now, it doesn’t annoy me enough to take measures to reverse the process (because, for reasons unknown, I cling to my bad habits as if they are my dying children).  But a coworker came into my office while I was doing some graphic editing on the computer, and noted that my face was about 6 inches away from the screen, and I was still squinting.  Fortunately, I work at a company who manufactures and  distributes super cute and high quality sunglasses and reading glasses- so new glasses were immediately thrown onto my face.   And this is how I feel about them:

2009-09-15 21-42-47.544

Fuck you, fashionable accessory to optical aging. I am resentful of your presence in my life.

Excuse the blurry photo.  I have the most craptastic webcam in the universe.

Now, onto the topic at hand…….

I am currently in a bad mood.  I have been in a bad mood off and on for a couple of days.  I will probably continue to be in a bad mood for a couple more.  I know my emotional routine… and I am ok with it.  My bad mood doesn’t affect my parenting, or my ability to function in life (actually, I function better because I bury myself in my work), or even being able to put a big bullshit smile on my face if the social situation commands it.  But when I am around the people close to me or in my personal space, I want the freedom to be in my bad mood.  Here are the requirements for my bad mood, and the things that those around me can do to shorten the life of my bad mood:

  1. Leave me the fuck alone.  Seriously.
  2. Do not ask me over and over what I’m upset about.  If I don’t feel like talking about it- I’m not going to and I’ll get over it soon enough.  And if it’s something you did, I will either tell you when I feel like it, or not tell you because I think you’re too much of a pussy to handle it properly…  either way, I will find personal closure with it and life will go on.
  3. If I allow the people in my life tantrums, allow me silence.  When I’m in a bad mood I don’t yell or scream or freak out or throw things or act like an asshole…. I just get quiet.  All those around me should consider themselves lucky… because I USED to be a really bad tantrum thrower.  And I could always regress back to that if properly motivated.  If you’d prefer that… by all means… motivate me.
  4. If you KNOW that you are doing something to add to my bad mood, or even part of what instigated it- stop doing whatever shit-bag things that grumped me out, and behave.  You don’t like my bad mood?  Then help me make it stop.  (Duh!!!)
  5. When someone around me is in a bad mood or having a hard time, I try to do nice things for them, or make them feel good about themselves.  My little way of saying “hey… I know you’re sad, but I still love you!”.  Sometimes that’s all it takes to perk someone up.  Hint hint.
  6. I like new clothes… especially shoes.  Buy them for me.  I’ll get happier. (yeah, I’m shallow like that… it’s called being an American)
  7. I like cake.  Buy me that too.  I’ll get much happier. (yeah, I’m easy like that…. it’s called being low-maintenance, and those in my life should kiss my ass for it).
  8. When someone is in a bad mood, that is NOT the time to point out all the ways that YOU think they’re screwing up in their life, or letting them know the things that YOU think they should be doing better.  That’s commonly referred to as “Kicking Someone When They’re Down”, and it’s fully frowned upon in the world of Fair Play.  And it makes people hate you and wish you would get some sort of cancer in your genitalia.
  9. I’m not going to quit smoking when I’m in a bad mood.  Back the fuck off.  Or I’m going to put my cigarette out in your eye.  (remember- I used to be a tantrum-thrower… nagging non-smokers are one way to “motivate” that behavior to return)
  10. The one rule that my ex-husband and I had that was actually brilliant was that we weren’t allowed to freak out at the same time.  Somehow, we were pretty much able to stick to that rule.  So if I’m in a bad mood, you don’t get to be in one too.  Just be a grown up and put a lid on your bullshit until I get over my bullshit… then it’s your turn.  I guarantee that my grumpiness rears it’s quiet ugly head far less than anyone else I know, so allow me my moment.

I think that covers it.  Basically, it’s a Golden Rule thing (ah…. it’s amazing how everything comes down to that, isn’t it?).  How would you like to be treated when you’re down?…. whatever the answer is- then do that for others.  It keeps people from wanting you dead.  For reals.

Big grumpy hugs to you all.


15 Responses to “Rules of conduct when bad moods are in play…..”

  1. lemissa September 15, 2009 at 11:49 pm #

    the glasses…I am sorry lady, but the tiny paintings with one hair brushes did that to you, not the ravages of time. I say get tinted ones and pretend they are just sunglasses you always wear…mine are purple ya know 😉
    the grumpies…I love you and I will leave you alone with visions of bunnies taking back the night 🙂
    oh and if you visit me I will take you to Sweet Life in Eugene where you can get as many slices of cake as you like…it is the best bakery ever.


    • Kristen Ferrell September 16, 2009 at 8:55 pm #

      I really really really want to come to Eugene and eat cake all day with you. that sounds like the perfect way to spend my life.
      I’ll be there in 10 minutes…..

  2. myshinyhell September 16, 2009 at 3:25 am #

    Fave part: “And if it’s something you did, I will either tell you when I feel like it, or not tell you because I think you’re too much of a pussy to handle it properly… either way, I will find personal closure with it and life will go on.”

    YES. This one is hitting home right now because I’ve been pissed at someone close to me for being hyper-sensitive and snapping at me last week, but I don’t want to deal with them being hyper-sensitive *again* if I talk to them about it! Annoying. You have a way of perfectly putting such thoughts (that I haven’t yet been able to organize in my brain well enough to voice) that I adore. Adore, I tell you!

    Would it make you feel any better if I told you that I covet your glasses and think you look super fucking HOT and smart and cool in them? Glasses are one of my favorite accessories in the whole wide world, to the point that I actually have *fakes* and got excited when my mom needed them at forty for reading because maybe I’ll have to get them too? (I’m about to schedule an eye appointment to see if it’s happened yet.) Seriously, I’m sorry you need glasses, because needing anything is really annoying, but you look gorgeous!

    I hope the boys in your life bring you cake, tell you you’re beautiful and keep the house clean always, but especially right now when you need it most. Hugs, hugs, hugs. xoxoxoxoxox.

    • Kristen Ferrell September 16, 2009 at 8:44 pm #

      The majority of the people in my life don’t handle conflict or confrontation well…. so I’d rather just keep my mouth shut and deal with things in my own head than open my mouth and deal with their bullshit. I prefer the easier route when available.

      And lady, as far as fake glasses… we have those where I work. We’re actually making TONS of them right now. Go here:

      There are bunch in the “New” section of my work’s website, and in the “Dazed N Confused” section. If there are any you love, let me know!! 😀

      Life didn’t bring me cake…. but I had to meet with some of Sully’s new teachers this morning, and they all told me that I looked way too young to have a kid- and that was enough to smile on this 30-Something Lady’s face for the rest of the day. Cheering me up really is that simple (vanity is a powerful thing… haha!!). As for a clean house… it will never happen.

      HUGS HUGS HUGS to you too!!!!

  3. christine September 16, 2009 at 5:56 am #

    I love cake and shoes when I am pissed off too!! but I love your glasses, and your hair looks awesome! I have been in “go forth and die” mood all week as well, and now I must spend most of today riding in a hearse to a NY cemetery with a REALLLY annoying old guy. If yuou read anything in the news about someone driving a hearse off a cliff, its most likely me!!! And dont worry you have some surprises coming your way in the next day or so, hopefully it helps!! 🙂 If I could express mail you a big chocolate cake, I will.

    • Kristen Ferrell September 16, 2009 at 8:48 pm #

      SHIT!!! CHRISTINE, YOU RULE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      I just opened the package you sent me, and not only was it filled with fantastic teeth, BUT the “licenced funeral director on official business” tag is amazing, and so is the chicken & waffles post card!! “Last Leg”…. hahahahaha!!!
      You TOTALLY perked me up!!!!

      Be sure and safely dive out of any hearse that you drive off a cliff!!

  4. K September 16, 2009 at 8:39 am #

    …and when you are in a bad mood and someone continually points out that you are in a bad mood….WAY TO FUCKING GO, that really helps!

    I agree with myshinyhell – you do look super fucking HOT!

    • Kristen Ferrell September 16, 2009 at 8:49 pm #

      Awww… thank you!!!

      And no, it doesn’t help to get over a bad mood when someone is constantly picking at you about it. Common sense, right?

      “Common” sense is anything BUT common, now-a-days.

  5. Michelle September 16, 2009 at 9:25 am #

    I think I’m going to print this out, laminate it and hang it on my fridge. The same shit happens at my house and while I give other people space for their bad mood… my husband thinks it’s a grand time to give me extra shit and point out how bitchy I’m being. It’s extra irritating too because I’m rarely in a super bad mood whereas he’s pissy pretty much all the time.

    ps. I like your glasses 🙂 But I totally understand because I should wear mine but refuse to most of the time.

    • Kristen Ferrell September 16, 2009 at 8:54 pm #

      I have a grumpy stompy husband, too. He’s either the funnest guy in town, or the growliest bear that ever existed… no middle ground. So he should understand “bad moods”. But he does not. I don’t get it.

  6. amyjeen-dollypop September 16, 2009 at 5:51 pm #

    your glasses are rad girl!
    before i saw the pic, i did imagine 2 magnifying glasses strapped together, which only you could pull off. hee!
    these are far more suitable for the everyday, and i totally covet them !!

  7. ike September 16, 2009 at 10:09 pm #

    Mitch Hexberg are you in the house.

  8. whitney September 16, 2009 at 10:13 pm #

    Rules #1-4… YESSSSSS!!! okay, i thought i was the only one… i’m sorry you’re in a bad mood. bad moods suck and they suck even more when people don’t get that when we are in them, JUST LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE AND WE WILL GET OVER THEM!!!! people nagging me about what’s wrong with me or why i’m so quiet just adds fuel to the fire…. ugh.

  9. butcherbaby October 14, 2009 at 12:43 am #

    i feel for ya doll, i HAAAAATE wearing glasses! my mom got me contacts when i was 10 or 11 because my coke bottle lenses dug into my nose and hurt like hell…AND gave me headaches. i can’t see four inches without correction, and now i suffer the double indignity of having to wear reading glasses too. at least those are cheap and lightweight, unlike my “seeing” glasses which always cost a fortune because i have to get the ultra lite extra thin featherweight non-scratch super duper bla bla bla plastic lenses for them to even be bearable.

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