Oh Delta… why ya gotta treat me so bad?

1 Nov

Dear Delta Airlines,

After using your services this past week for my trip to Germany and back, here is a list of things that I found bizarre, highly inconvenient, and somewhat emotionally traumatic.

  • Your new check-in procedure presumes that everyone sets their watches to Delta time.  The clock on my phone (which is actually the universal time measurement) is 5 minutes off from Delta time.  But because of your strict policy of demanding your customers to be checked in 1 hour before take-off and the 5 minute time difference between “Delta Time” and “Real Time”, you said I missed my flight.  By 5 minutes.  Even though the plane was not set to take off for an hour.  Even though my watch said I was on time.  You made the elderly couple behind me who was late by 2 minutes cry because of this rule!  And you made me pay $250 to switch to a later flight.  Even though I didn’t miss my flight…. because it was still sitting on the runway… for an hour after I got there… you just  wouldn’t let me on it.  You setting your clocks off by 5 minutes earned you $250.  Nice scam.
  • After re-routing all my flights because of your little time game, waiting an additional 6 hours at LAX and showing up in Amsterdam, you tried to send me to London.  Even though my boarding pass said Cologne, Germany.  How did you do this?  How is it possible that we can send things to Mars, but your systems are so flawed that you printed a boarding pass to one city, but you try to fly me to a completely different city.  The additional $250 that you are robbing from people because of your time-scam isn’t well spent.  And the additional 6 hours that I had to spend in the Amsterdam airport because of having to reroute my ticket to where I was SUPPOSED to go destroyed large chunks of my soul.
  • After arriving in Cologne 12 hours later than I was supposed to, I discovered you lost my luggage that had all my artwork for the gallery exhibit.  The gallery exhibit that was opening the next morning.  And you wouldn’t tell me where it was sent to.  And you wouldn’t tell me when I would be getting it back.  As I sat on the floor in front of your customer service desk crying from stress and exhaustion, all you had to give me was a complimentary bag with a toothbrush, razor, and a pair of men’s socks, and wouldn’t allow me to make a phone call to the exhibit hall to let my gallery know that you had lost the entire reason for my trip to Germany.  I think your customer service department needs to take some time and eat many bags of dicks.
  • You should have to pay my future therapy bills for making me endure the “Twilight” movies, and “Sex in the City 2” as your in-flight movies.  They added considerably to my mental deterioration during this whole debacle.

In closing, I think you are bad people.  I think that when they teach children in school about sexual predators and drug dealers, they should also mention you.  You’re so awful that you make old people openly weep in public.  I want to bring charges against you for psychological abuse.  The only thing keeping me from marching back into LAX, dropping my pants in the middle of your check-in line and pooping on your floor is that I had an amazing time once I finally got to Germany.  You should send the Strychnin Gallery a thank you note for keeping you from having to clean up my poop.

Sincerely,

Kristen Ferrell

 

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18 Responses to “Oh Delta… why ya gotta treat me so bad?”

  1. Lucy Wade November 2, 2010 at 3:24 am #

    :OOO

    Did they find your luggage???

    Oh my god that sounds worse than enduring hell. Especially the Sex and the City 2 part. Damn, that’s SO awful. I hope you get some kind of compensation from them – have you made a formal complaint? What a shitty shitty shitty company. Ugh, Capitalism eh!

    xx

    • Kristen Ferrell November 2, 2010 at 4:00 pm #

      I’m going to call and raise hell and try to get a refund on the $250 I had to pay because of the lost-luggage situation. But it’s probably a lost cause. I’m sure that somewhere in the novels of fine print, it says that even if they happen to accidentally serve up my first born as the in-flight dinner, they aren’t responsible. They’re snakey as fuck.

      xooxxoxo

  2. Stevil November 2, 2010 at 6:47 am #

    Fly Virgin, forever. It actually makes you more attractive.

    • Kristen Ferrell November 2, 2010 at 4:02 pm #

      *sigh*… I love Virgin so so much. They give you little socks and eye masks for when you sleep on international flights, and their seats are SO cozy!!! Everything on the planet should be run by Virgin.

  3. april November 2, 2010 at 9:57 am #

    that’s so crummy!!!!! let’s eat cake tonight and bitch!

  4. Megan Tweed November 2, 2010 at 9:57 am #

    rad. flying Delta to Japan in a couple weeks. I gotta know though, did you get yer artwork back in time to hang? did you get it back at all?

    • Kristen Ferrell November 2, 2010 at 4:05 pm #

      I was supposed to hang my work the night I arrived. I didn’t get my bags back until almost the next evening… AFTER the VIP opening (where all the press and millionaires were going to be). UUUGGGHHHH!!!

      But now you know and can prepare for possible trauma on your flight to Japan. My fingers and toes are crossed for you.

      • Megan Tweed November 2, 2010 at 9:49 pm #

        crappy! Glad it showed at all I s’pose, but dang.

  5. Andrea November 2, 2010 at 5:07 pm #

    Air Canada’s pretty great for international flights, and cheap!

    • Kristen Ferrell November 4, 2010 at 9:28 pm #

      I will definitely keep that in the front of my brain for future travels. Thank you!!!

  6. Brandi November 3, 2010 at 6:29 am #

    I will from this point forward replace the expression “Murphy’s Law” with “Kristen’s Law” where ever it is applicable. In addition, I will never again fly Delta, and will arrive at the airport one hour and fifteen minutes in advance during any future travels. Thank you.

    • Kristen Ferrell November 4, 2010 at 9:28 pm #

      Hahaha! “Kristen’s Law” really does apply to the past handful of years of my life! No matter how prepared I think I am for anything- life has a really fun time with proving me wrong.
      The day after my Delta-Debacle, Brad emailed me an article on the front page of Yahoo news rating airlines, and Delta was rated the worst airline in the world. The most lost luggage, the most delayed/canceled flights, and the worst customer service. I really really wish I had read that article 24 hours earlier. But now we know, right?
      🙂

  7. beste potenzmittel November 11, 2010 at 3:14 pm #

    Ernest Hemingway~ Theres nothing noble in being superior to your fellow men. True nobility is being superior to your former self.

    • Kristen Ferrell November 11, 2010 at 6:09 pm #

      I’m not sure how this applies… seeing that Delta is a really crappy corporation and not and individual human being that can be categorized in the group of “fellow men”. This is more of a customer review than a statement of my superiority. If I was a corporate an airline, then maybe I could make a statement that I was better than Delta, and then you could insert your Hemmingway quote and it would make me ponder my words… but that would just be silly.

      • Kristen Ferrell November 11, 2010 at 6:14 pm #

        Oh… wait…. “Beste Potenzmittel”, you’re a link to viagra! You’re spam… I’m not. That makes me better than you! Choke on your Hemingway Quote book, ass-eater.

        • Nicole Matheny November 13, 2010 at 9:03 pm #

          Haha! Um, I didn’t think spam could stalk people. How low.

          But really, nothing this aweful has ever happened to me. Well, maybe once in the Ikea parking lot…I had a mental breakdown because the signs on NJ roads take you to the middle of nowhere and I got lost for two hours trying to buy a bookshelf. I feel your pain, sorta.

          • Kristen Ferrell November 14, 2010 at 10:06 am #

            My husband and I got lost going to the Ikea in NJ too!!! I can’t remember for the life of me why we were going to Ikea when we were vacationing on the east coast- but I remember that we were amazed that they were able to get any business because the location was so crazy to get to!!

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