This little rambling is actually NOT about a stalker of mine, but about the amazing people who circled their wagons around me when this stalker decided to bare her teeth and try to publicly attack. But to know the situation, ya gotta know the stalker, you’re gonna need a little background- so let me tell you a story….
When I was 19, I was friends with a young lady (and for the sake of privacy, I’ll call her “L”). She was… how do I state it without offending …. “overly emotional”- but when you’re 19, that comes with the territory. Most of my friends when I was 19 were like that (and drunk and stupid and everything a 19 year old is supposed to be… myself included). Fast forward a couple years, and I’m a little older, and “overly emotional” is starting to get old and tiring. At 21 I find myself pregnant, and realize I want nothing to do with that because having a baby is enough drama in itself, I don’t need dramatic adults in my life. So slowly I begin pushing all drama away, and finding people in my life who are funny, amazing, creative and adventurous- WITHOUT THE DRAMA. “L” was one of these people who had to go. She couldn’t help who she was, but who she was just wasn’t what I could handle anymore. This didn’t go over well, and viciousness from her rained down. Eventually it ended, and I walked away safe and sound.
Fast forward 10 years. “L” gets a hold of my email address and contacts me. I think, “she’s older, married with kids- she must have settled down… but don’t get too close”. We stayed online acquaintances from that point on, emailing randomly through whatever social networking crap we were on… but that was it. Don’t get too close, remember? Drama isn’t fun unless your 19, remember?
Fast forward to present day (I apologize if this is getting long winded- but I want nothing to be left to question since I’ll never revisit this situation). On xmas, I made a silly and harmless comment about how my family celebrates xmas- & “L” took it as a personal attack. After what turned into a ridiculous difference of opinion that turned into her attacking me, I cut her off and stopped responding to her. She got mad.
She sent me email after email after email on facebook until I blocked her… all filled with insults, degrading remarks, and bitter venom. She covered her facebook page with photos and links about me, lashing out, calling me out by name and begging for people to hate me. She tried over and over again to post horrifying comments all over my blog (but wordpress has the most amazing blocking capabilities, so I slapped her down at every turn). She contacted mutual friends of ours, trying to get them to turn on me. She rallied against me on large public political blogs and websites, again naming me by name and posting links to me- calling me an advocate to oppression and hate towards Christians. Through all of this I said nothing. I didn’t respond. I didn’t fight back. I just blocked and dodged bullets because I knew just how insane she was and I didn’t want to fuel the fire. Her final attempted comment on my blog warned me that she was going to write a blog about me exposing me for the hate-filled religious oppressor that I really am, and that when anyone googled my name, they’d find her blog and see just how pathetic I really am. All because my atheist family wanted a non-xmas xmas.
“L’s” final message was a threat. A threat to “expose my dark secrets”. It was an intimidation tactic to “put me in my place”. Since I am an open book and have never had anything to hide, I welcomed it.
Click here if you’d like to see the blog she dedicated to me.
(I have disabled the link to her blog after closing the ability for anyone to comment further on this post for the protection of her privacy.)
For the first time since the madness began, I responded by posting an open invitation on my facebook profile for anyone who would like to talk about how much they hate me, and giving them the link to find her blog. And I’d like to note for the record, this is the first time I’ve linked anything to her, and I will still not divulge her name out of respect for her and her family’s privacy. But one thing I’d like to make very very clear- THIS WAS ALL OVER NOTHING, and I’m sincerely disturbed and creeped out by this whole situation, and all the hate. I ran from her the first time to escape the drama, and this is why I’m running screaming again. It’s too ridiculous, and I’m glad to be rid of it- again.
HERE is where the point of my blog begins (sorry it took so long to get here)… and I’m choked up while I’m writing this. I thought that maybe a couple buddies would comment on my FB page about how it was funny or whatever. What I did not expect is that in less than 24 hours there were over 100 comments on my FB page and her blog coming to my defense. Last night, about an hour after I posted the link, Brad came home to me almost in tears because of the touching and beautiful things people had posted. We both sat in awe as the comments kept coming and coming- calling her out on her unjustified and unprovoked hate tactics, slander, personal attacks and cruelty towards me. These defenders were people who I’ve corresponded with on blogs, who’ve found me on FB and myspace, and some people I’ve never had any contact with- but the majority of them I have never sat in the same room with. And even though I don’t “know” these people in a face-to-face or conventional setting, we have connected on some level, and they came to bat for me. And as Brad and I were watching the computer, and feeling the love come pouring from my computer screen, my heart grew 10x’s it’s size that night (I think a grinch metaphor is suitable right about now). I believe Brad’s exact quote while we were watching the comments pile up, our jaws dropped, was “You’ve got a solid crew of rad people covering your back”…. and I sincerely and truly do.
One of my tried-and-true friends, Melissa, made a comment about how it made her sad that I don’t have faith in much of anything. And it’s true… I don’t. Until last night, I had little faith in people’s respect for one another, for their commitment to other humans in their lives, and I fully believed that decency and loyalty were a thing of the past that we could tell our grandkids about while the world is burning down around us. Jaded- I know…. but it’s where my heart feels safest. “Expect pain and suffering from people, and you don’t get disappointed” is a pretty accurate life motto of mine- though it’s one that I’ve been trying to change. What’s amazing is that in 24 hours, the baby-steps towards changing that hard-hearted life motto has just taken a pole-vaulting leap in the right direction. In the happy and love filled direction. It blows my mind that a simple post from a stupid site like facebook could make my outlook on people change so much- but those of you who defended me with such touching and eloquent words, and endured “L’s” hate vomitted at you in her responses made more of a difference to me than you’ll ever know. You saw me under attack, and you protected me- and even though her words have yet to hurt me (nor will they ever, no matter what she says about me) because I’m ok with being hated. One of the things that makes me ok with being hated is that I know other people’s emotions are nothing I can control. But the other thing, the more important reason, is that I know that there are people who accept and care. And I have felt more love, acceptance, and unity these past 24 hours than I’ve felt in a really long time… and to those of you who came to my defense and showed me your big beautiful hearts- I thank you from the bottom of mine. I want to bury my face in your hair and give you all hugs and tickles. I don’t have words (nor do I think they even exist) to explain just how much you all mean to me, and how much your protection of my views, honor, and self truly made a difference with me.
I’d like to put “L’s” mania behind me… but if she needs to continue with her Anti-Kristen Crusade, I’m not going to do anything to stop her. If she needs to behave like this in order to look at herself in the mirror every morning, then I’m not going to take that away from her. But I’m done. “L”- I’m unblocking your ability to comment on here if you still feel the need to keep this going. I didn’t block you to “oppress” you, but to run from a pointless religious battle that I had no interest in debating or dragging out. I’m too old for that shit, and my “aging tattooed body” as (she so lovingly put it) just doesn’t have the stamina for all that hate.
To all my guardians- I adore you. Truly, sincerely, and from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for being so overwhelmingly amazing.