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The perfect ending to my relationship with door-to-door Jesus salespeople….

30 Jul

We get a lot of door-to-door salespeople for the lord in our neighborhood. By a lot, I mean at least 3 times a week (that I’m aware of).  Politely telling them I’m not interested doesn’t make them go away.  Lying and saying that I looooove Jesus so so so so much doesn’t make them go away.  Being rude doesn’t make them go away.  Our “No Soliciting” sign doesn’t make them go away.  Nothing makes them grasp the concept that other people don’t need imaginary friends guiding their life just because they do.  I am fed up with these people.

I also feel it is HORRIBLY rude to show up to someone’s house before calling first.  I don’t care who you are.  It’s just proper manners.  If you didn’t call first, you are trespassing.  End of story.

So it’s around 7:30 at night.  I just got out of the shower and am soaking wet- and the doorbell rings.  I look out the front window and see 2 ladies on my doorstep- bibles and pamphlets in hand… and I see red.  You do NOT show up to a strangers house past dinnertime unannounced to try to push your personal agenda onto their life.  You just don’t.

So I grab the machete I keep under the bed in one hand, and my crazy barking little Chihuweenie dog in the other (she goes bonkers at the doorbell).  I throw open the front door, soaking wet wearing nothing but a tanktop and my underpants and say in the loudest, happiest and most crazed voice “HI!!!!  Is there something I can help you with?” while smiling like I’m having the most amazing acid trip ever known to man.

They both look satisfyingly stunned, and start backing away.  My dog, Monkey, is barking like she has rabies at this point, and the ladies don’t know whether to keep their eyes on the psycho dog or on the almost naked lady with the machete.  They pick up speed with their exit, mumble something about being sorry to have bothered me, and get to a near run by the time they reach the end of my patio walkway… as I’m screaming after them, “What’s wrong?  Don’t you want to talk?  I’d LOVE to talk to you!!!”.

I hope that this finally gets my address on their “Do Not Disturb” list.

True story.

(next time, I will sick my little monster Monkey dog on them.  She can be pretty fierce…..

Monkey the Crazy Monster Puppy


My thoughts on Easter…

23 Apr

Easter has always been one of those holidays that never really emotionally swayed me one way or the other.  I hate Christmas with a blind passion… but Easter never really imposed that much on my time, and then there’s tons of chocolate on bargain discount for a week after it’s over- so I shrug, let it be, and make some obligatory Jesus-Zombie jokes.

But recently, I’ve been re-reading the bible.  I plan on doing a series of little mini illustrated bible stories… the real stories.  About what really happened at Gomorrah, and the petty reasons for the plagues and such.  And I was reading about the last days of Jesus, and I’ve decided that I’m really  not that impressed.

He suffered.  Sure.  For a couple days, things were pretty shitty.  But have you ever watched anyone die of cancer, or AIDS?  I have.  And I’ve watched them suffer… for months and months… unspeakable humiliating suffering.  Have you checked out what’s going on in South Africa- the raping of babies, and the mothers forced to carry the severed heads of their children?  Those people suffer.  Every day there are people all over the world enduring more than that one guy did- but they don’t get a religion based on them.  So his day or so on the cross?… Yeah, I bet that sucked.   But we’ve seen worse.

And Jesus got to come back!  Doesn’t that nullify the severity of the death?  He had a sucky few days (that he knew were coming anyways so he had time to emotionally prepare for it), then said “Wait!  Nevermind!  I’m not dead!”, hung around for a while to show off his not-deadness, and then got to float away into heaven.  But all of my friends who suffered excruciating pain for months and then died miserable deaths don’t get to come back.  They are gone for keeps.  So JC totally won by dying… but he did it to wash away all the sins of man… unless you don’t believe in him…. because it’s blasphemy to not think his parlor trick death was the most awesome… then that sin-scrub-down doesn’t apply to you and you’re going to hell… so there.

It’s not just bullshit… but it’s rude.  I don’t tolerate rude.

To sum it up, JC is an overly dramatic jerk who basically had a pretty crappy weekend for your sins.  And if you don’t think he’s most  awesome for having that crappy weekend,  then he’s gonna throw a tantrum and make you burn forever.  The more I re-read the word of God, the more I like that I’m not on his team.  But I’ll eat those chocolate bunnies all day long.

Happy Easter.

Christian Rock may be what finally does me in…

26 Sep

My husband’s favorite pass time is inflicting things onto me that he knows I hate just to see me go through my stages of intolerance.

  • Stage 1: passive dislike and disdain.  I quietly hate something, but only bitch about it when asked.
  • Stage 2: Openly annoyed.  I’ll complain and mock- but not be hostile.
  • Stage 3: Openly angry.  The constant assault of  this thing that he KNOWS irritates me, and by the fact that I’m being assaulted by it BECAUSE it irritates me for his amusement brings open hostility.
  • Stage 4:  Hate.  Screaming, throwing objects and insults, and acting like a lunatic.  It takes a lot to get me to this point- and this stage tends to makes my husband laugh the hardest.

Brad has done this with countless things.  Playing Limp Bizkit first thing in the morning while shooting me with an air gun.  Tickling me after I’ve told him literally thousands of times that being tickled makes me want to stab people.  Uncrossing my toes (long time readers know I have to keep my toes crossed at all times).  Standing over me while I’m trying to concentrate on work, and playing Skynard on his guitar.  It’s his own version of Chinese Water Torture- but customized just for me.  He does this because he thinks it cute to annoy me- but then is shocked when after weeks of this, I finally snap and start screaming and acting like I’ve completely lost my mind.

Last night, he discovered Modern Christian Rock music.  And I am now fucked.  Deeply, truly, and sincerely fucked.

Long time readers of my babble on here will know that I had WAY too much Jesus growing up, and it has made me run screaming from him and his fan club.  But it’s not just the scripture that makes me run- but the antics that the J.C. Fan Club creates to “modernize” J.C. and make him more hip to the “sinful youth” of today.  When I was forced to go to “Young Life” meetings in junior high and high school, there were the creepy skits about the sinfulness of premarital sex and drug use, and how both would ALWAYS lead you to either get AIDS or become a dying crack whore.  They would take classic rock songs out of context to make them Jesus-Friendly and the whole room would sing along.  I experienced these marketing tactics on a grand scale when I was sent to the Southern Baptist group home in Branson, Missouri in high school.  They would take us to “revivals” at Silver Dollar City in the hopes of saving our angsty juvenile delinquent souls- and there would be hundreds of teenagers with their arms in the air singing at the tops of their lungs gospel songs that were put to “Pearl Jam” sounding music, and wearing t-shirts that say “Jesus Rocks”.  It was monumentally disturbing.

So last night I’m sitting in bed watching a movie, and I hear “Rape Metal” coming from his office (Rape Metal= Limp Bizkit, Puddle of Mud, Slipknot, etc). ..and Brad is laughing hysterically.  He calls me in, and I comply.  And it just sounds like bullshit rape metal to me… until I listen to the lyrics.  They’re singing about the love of the lord.  And my stomach turns to ice.  And the massive shit-eating grin that Brad had on his face while watching my reaction to this music solidified the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to shake this.  This new little gem that Brad found was going to be living in our house for a very long time.

The difference between the creep-show of Christian Modern Rock that I grew up with and what Brad discovered is this:  what I grew up with were bands that were desperately trying to sound like popular music but they wrote original songs; the new Christian Modern Rock bands now take already famous songs but change the lyrics.  Same song exactly, singer is a low-rent version of the original song’s singer- but with anti-abortion, anti-sex, anti-drug, and “I love Jesus” lyrics.  They took the Pearl Jam song “Alive” and changed the title to “A Lie” and it’s all about how evolution is a gigantic scam.  Do you get it?

Brad downloaded ALL of it.  Hundreds of songs.  He blasted them all last night and all morning long- laughing and laughing and laughing.  And yes… this music is so horribly, painfully, bone-chillingly pathetic that it sincerely is hilarious.  Christian Rock realized that they just can’t make good music- so they have to steal from Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Limp Bizkit, and every other chart buster out there.  It really is amazing.  But the moment I realized what I was listening to last night; the moment it dawned on me what Brad had discovered, and what was now going to be my new roommate- I regressed 20 years.  My brain spiraled back to being a 15 year old, sitting in an outdoors Inbred-Land auditorium settled in the middle of some bullshit hick amusement park with my arms crossed and a scowl on my face, surrounded by 2000 born-again Christian youths, waving their arms over their heads in sync to the music, crying with joy, and singing “Rocketown” by Michael W. Smith in unison (while I’m getting screamed at the whole time by my counselor for being disrespectful to Jesus for not standing and weeping and being filled with the love of the lord… and then having to go back to the group home and dig up tree stumps for hours because of my disrespect).  Brad’s in tears laughing, and all I can think is “NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!  IT’S FOLLOWED ME HOME!!!  IT’S IN MY HOUSE!!!  IT’S GOT MY HUSBAND!!!  FFFUUUCCCKKK YYYOOOUU JESUS FAN CLUB!!!!”.  20 years of vigorously scrubbing off The Blood of the Lord and thinking I was finally clean- and an online list of MP3’s brought all the icky bad God-feelings right back, making me dirty all over again.  After 20 years in the witness protection program, God not only found me, but has set up camp happily in Brad’s ipod to be with us at home and wherever we may travel.  Brad is SO amused with this that I know it’s not going away for a very very very long time.

A few weeks from now if you see images of me on the news covered in blood and being hauled away in handcuffs by the police- you’ll know I finally cracked and had to kill Brad because of this music.  And it’s all Jesus’s fault.

Me vs my OTHER stalker, and the people who fought for me…

29 Dec

This little rambling is actually NOT about a stalker of mine, but about the amazing people who circled their wagons around me when this stalker decided to bare her teeth and try to publicly attack.  But to know the situation, ya gotta know the stalker, you’re gonna need a little background- so let me tell you a story….

When I was 19, I was friends with a young lady (and for the sake of privacy, I’ll call her “L”).  She was… how do I state it without offending …. “overly emotional”- but when you’re 19, that comes with the territory.  Most of my friends when I was 19 were like that (and drunk and stupid and everything a 19 year old is supposed to be… myself included).  Fast forward a couple years, and I’m a little older, and “overly emotional” is starting to get old and tiring.  At 21 I find myself pregnant, and realize I want nothing to do with that because having a baby is enough drama in itself, I don’t need dramatic adults in my life.  So slowly I begin pushing all drama away, and finding people in my life who are funny, amazing, creative and adventurous- WITHOUT THE DRAMA.  “L” was one of these people who had to go.  She couldn’t help who she was, but who she was just wasn’t what I could handle anymore.  This didn’t go over well, and viciousness from her rained down.  Eventually it ended, and I walked away safe and sound.

Fast forward 10 years.  “L” gets a hold of my email address and contacts me. I think, “she’s older, married with kids- she must have settled down… but don’t get too close”.  We stayed online acquaintances from that point on, emailing randomly through whatever social networking crap we were on… but that was it.  Don’t get too close, remember?  Drama isn’t fun unless your 19, remember?

Fast forward to present day (I apologize if this is getting long winded- but I want nothing to be left to question since I’ll never revisit this situation).  On xmas, I made a silly and harmless comment about how my family celebrates xmas- & “L” took it as a personal attack.  After what turned into a ridiculous difference of opinion that turned into her attacking me, I cut her off and stopped responding to her.  She got mad.

She sent me email after email after email on facebook until I blocked her… all filled with insults, degrading remarks, and bitter venom.  She covered her facebook page with photos and links about me, lashing out, calling me out by name and begging for people to hate me.  She tried over and over again to post horrifying comments all over my blog (but wordpress has the most amazing blocking capabilities, so I slapped her down at every turn).  She contacted mutual friends of ours, trying to get them to turn on me.  She rallied against me on large public political blogs and websites, again naming me by name and posting links to me- calling me an advocate to oppression and hate towards Christians.  Through all of this I said  nothing.  I didn’t respond.  I didn’t fight back.  I just blocked and dodged bullets because I knew just how insane she was and I didn’t want to fuel the fire.  Her final attempted comment on my blog warned me that she was going to write a blog about me exposing me for the hate-filled religious oppressor that I really am, and that when anyone googled my name, they’d find her blog and see just how pathetic I really am.  All because my atheist family wanted a non-xmas xmas.

“L’s” final message was a threat.  A threat to “expose my dark secrets”.  It was an intimidation tactic to “put me in my place”.  Since I am an open book and have never had anything to hide, I welcomed it.

Click here if you’d like to see the blog she dedicated to me.

(I have disabled the link to her blog after closing the ability for anyone to comment further on this post for the protection of her privacy.)

For the first time since the madness began, I responded by posting an open invitation on my facebook profile for anyone who would like to talk about how much they hate me, and giving them the link to find her blog.  And I’d like to note for the record, this is the first time I’ve linked anything to her, and I will still not divulge her name out of respect for her and her family’s privacy.  But one thing I’d like to make very very clear- THIS WAS ALL OVER NOTHING, and I’m sincerely disturbed and creeped out by this whole situation, and all the hate.  I ran from her the first time to escape the drama, and this is why I’m running screaming again.  It’s too ridiculous, and I’m glad to be rid of it- again.

HERE is where the point of my blog begins (sorry it took so long to get here)… and I’m choked up while I’m writing this.  I thought that maybe a couple buddies would comment on my FB page about how it was funny or whatever.  What I did not expect is that in less than 24 hours there were over 100 comments on my FB page and her blog coming to my defense.  Last night, about an hour after I posted the link, Brad came home to me almost in tears because of the touching and beautiful things people had posted.  We both sat in awe as the comments kept coming and coming- calling her out on her unjustified and unprovoked hate tactics, slander, personal attacks and cruelty towards me.  These defenders were people who I’ve corresponded with on blogs, who’ve found me on FB and myspace, and some people I’ve never had any contact with- but the majority of them I have never sat in the same room with.  And even though I don’t “know” these people in a face-to-face or conventional setting, we have connected on some level, and they came to bat for me.  And as Brad and I were watching the computer, and feeling the love come pouring from my computer screen, my heart grew 10x’s it’s size that night (I think a grinch metaphor is suitable right about now).  I believe Brad’s exact quote while we were watching the comments pile up, our jaws dropped, was “You’ve got a solid crew of rad people covering your back”…. and I sincerely and truly do.

One of my tried-and-true friends, Melissa, made a comment about how it made her sad that I don’t have faith in much of anything.  And it’s true… I don’t.  Until last night, I had little faith in people’s respect for one another, for their commitment to other humans in their lives, and I fully believed that decency and loyalty were a thing of the past that we could tell our grandkids about while the world is burning down around us.  Jaded- I know…. but it’s where my heart feels safest.  “Expect pain and suffering from people, and you don’t get disappointed” is a pretty accurate life motto of mine- though it’s one that I’ve been trying to change.  What’s amazing is that in 24 hours, the baby-steps towards changing that hard-hearted life motto has just taken a pole-vaulting leap in the right direction.  In the happy and love filled direction.  It blows my mind that a simple post from a stupid site like facebook could make my outlook on people change so much- but those of you who defended me with such touching and eloquent words, and endured “L’s” hate vomitted at you in her responses made more of a difference to me than you’ll ever know.   You saw me under attack, and you protected me- and even though her words have yet to hurt me (nor will they ever, no matter what she says about me) because I’m ok with being hated.  One of the things that makes me ok with being hated is that I know other people’s emotions are nothing I can control.  But the other thing, the more important reason, is that I know that there are people who accept and care.  And I have felt more love, acceptance, and unity these past 24 hours than I’ve felt in a really long time… and to those of you who came to my defense and showed me your big beautiful hearts- I thank you from the bottom of mine.  I want to bury my face in your hair and give you all hugs and tickles.  I don’t have words (nor do I think they even exist) to explain just how much you all mean to me, and how much your protection of my views, honor, and self truly made a difference with me.

I’d like to put “L’s” mania behind me… but if she needs to continue with her Anti-Kristen Crusade, I’m not going to do anything to stop her.  If she needs to behave like this in order to look at herself in the mirror every morning, then I’m not going to take that away from her.  But I’m done.  “L”- I’m unblocking your ability to comment on here if you still feel the need to keep this going.  I didn’t block you to “oppress” you, but to run from a pointless religious battle that I had no interest in debating or dragging out.  I’m too old for that shit, and my “aging tattooed body” as (she so lovingly put it) just doesn’t have the stamina for all that hate.

To all my guardians- I adore you.  Truly, sincerely, and from the bottom of my heart.  Thank you for being so overwhelmingly amazing.

Raising a godless child in a bible-thumping culture….

28 Oct

If you took 3 steps into anything I have posted online, you’ll know I have no god (and I’m not going to capitalize the word “god” throughout any of this.  It’s not to offend- it’s just that I since I don’t see god as a ‘being’, I don’t feel the need to use the word as if it’s a name).  I will admit that I have truckloads of religious baggage (guilt, shame, and threats of eternal hell and damnation for natural human behavior and feelings will do that to a person).  It took YEARS to reclaim my soul from the Christians, and I’m pretty fucking psyched to have it back.  And I’m working through the religious baggage, piece by piece, and eventually that will be gone to.  But until it is, I’ve got a bit of a knee-jerk hatred for Bible Thumpers (I WILL capitalize “Bible Thumpers” throughout this, because they ARE actual beings, and that is their name).  Bible Thumpers make me really really fucking mad.

Now, I’d like to explain something before I get into the main topic for this little soapbox rant.  I have NOTHING against religion.  I have NOTHING against Christian beliefs.  In this sick, jaded, and overwhelming life, if someone can find something that gives them safety an hope- I’m all for it.  I don’t care if it’s Buddha, or Jesus, or the Virgin Mary, or Satan, or Captain Crunch… it’s all fine by me.  I’m 100% behind safety and hope, and I’ll pull out my old cheerleading uniform and do leg-kicks and backflips all day long for that safety and hope.  What I have NO FUCKING PATIENCE for is religious pressure, judgment, and intolerance.  And that is what a solid 95% of the Christians that I’ve encountered are all about.  I was raised in the church- and when I say “in the church”, I mean I was in the choir, and went to bible camp, and did the “Young Life” youth group ickyness (and to this day, sing-alongs give me the fucking creepin’ willies), and I lived in a full-blown WACKADOO Southern Baptist group home for 2 years in the middle of the woods in Missouri… so I’ve known shit-tons of Christians.  They were my peers, teachers, family, family friends, counselors, doctors, etc etc etc.  And that 95% of the Christians that were filled with religious pressure and judgement (which is what made them hateful and intolerant of anyone that wasn’t Christian) grossed me the fuck out.  I’m in NO WAY saying that ALL Christians are like this… because parents are Christian and they are amazing.  My neighbors are extremely religious and they’re some of my favorite people.  I have friends who are devoutly Christian, and they’ve never once judged me.  But those are the Christians who act like Jesus- and not like Christians.  Do you get the difference?  95% of the Christians don’t.  And they’re the ones I’m talking about here.  They suck so many balls it’s ridiculous.

So, with that being explained, I happily have no god.  Both Sully’s dad and stepdad think there’s a slight possibility that there might be something bigger than us- but neither of them give a shit about what it might be.  And since there is no god “in our hearts”, it would be a monumental life-fraud to raise Sully with any sort of religion.  What I did do was teach him about ALL religions.  I then told him that no matter what his family believes, if he finds a religion that makes him feel safe and gives him hope, we are 100% behind him.  But I did tell him that he had to wait until he was at least 18 to really dedicate his life to any specific religion, because it is one of the biggest decisions that a person could make.  For a while when he was 5 he said he wanted to worship Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon when he grew up (he was going through a Greek Mythology phase).  But aside from that, he’s had no personal interest in any spiritual path.  And because he’s such a mini-Spock, he thinks that bible stories are hilarious because they’re so illogical.  Instead of having a god to teach Sully right from wrong, we use his logic, reasoning, and The Golden Rule.  We have raised him to never judge others on anything but their actions (and if they’re acting mean, take a look at why they’re acting that way, and try to help if you can).  We’re devoted to empathy, tolerance, understanding, and love.  And because of this, Sully is polite to the point of annoying, has a heart so big that even at age 11 he still tears up when he sees someone else is hurting, and tries to be a friend to everyone (even the kids that don’t like him).  Doesn’t sound like a damned child to me… but the Christian kids at his school see differently.

HERE is where my rant comes in.  HERE is where I say “Fuck you, ‘god’, and fuck your people”.  Because “god’s” people are fucking with my kid… and mama lion is PISSED.  We live in Huntington Beach, California.  To those of you who aren’t familiar with Orange County- it is VERY conservative here.  Mormons, zealots, and right-wing evangelicals are the main population (if you want the liberal Californians, you’ll have to go about 40 minutes into Hollywood… you’ll find them there).  Since it’s so very evangelical-Christian here, Sully is going to school with the Christian’s spawn.  And this year, the Christian’s spawn have decided to make Sully’s atheism their business.

Sully has been taught to not talk religion to people besides us because it is a very personal thing.  He used to be really bad about this- but the past couple years has gotten really amazing at respectfully staying away from religious debates and conversations that may cause trouble or hurt feelings.  I’ve felt this was really important in order to teach him respect and tolerance of other people’s beliefs.  But this year at school, it’s gotten around that he’s an atheist, and kids have been confronting him more and more about it.  The final straw was today in his gym class, he was cornered by 3 boys who were demanding that he talk to him about god, and telling him that he’s going to hell.  Sully politely told them that he doesn’t believe in hell, and that his religious beliefs were none of their business.  They started to get intimidating and threatening, and Sully dodged them and went straight to the gym coach and said that he was being “degraded for his religious beliefs” (Sully’s exact words… he’s pretty awesome).  The coach thanked Sully for handling it so maturely, and swept the other boys into his office.  But nothing else was done.

Here’s where I get pissed.  If this was 3 Christian kids vs a Jewish kid, or a Muslim kid, or a Hindu kid- there would be serious repercussions because these are accepted as valid belief structures.  But because it’s an atheist kid… no big deal.  It’s just a “boys will be boys” situation when Christian kids gang up, threaten and mock another kids beliefs because those beliefs don’t have an imaginary friend tied to it.  And what’s really ironic is that even though I’ve done everything to try to teach Sully to be accepting of ALL people’s beliefs and ways of life… the people that he’s growing to despise are Christians because they are the ones who mock, terrorize, and humiliate him BECAUSE of their beliefs.  I try to tell him “Grandma and Grandpa don’t act that way, and they’re Christian!  What about our neighbors- they’re fantastic and they’re Christian!  Not all of them are mean like that.  You can’t hate an entire group of people because of the actions of a few”…. but he only knows what his daily experiences have taught him.  And his daily experiences are teaching him the Ways of the Bible Thumpers are sick and wrong.  And I’m finding it harder and harder to put on a sympathetic smile and continue to teach tolerance when his belief structure is being belittled and mocked.  What I really want to tell him to do is beat the shit out of them with  the complete printed works of  Darwin, and then jump up and down and scream “SATAN HAS DEFEATED YOU AND I NOW OWN YOUR SOUL!!!!” just to scare the stupid little fuckers.  But that won’t do any good.  We ARE going to get him into karate so that if these kids decide to corner him again, and try to throw a punch, he can- in self defense-  beat the Holy shit out of them (pun very much intended).

What I want to know is how much tolerance do I teach him?  If he was just getting picked on because him and these kids didn’t get along- that would be one thing.  But this is because the God Squad doesn’t like that Sully isn’t on their team, and their using mafia-like intimidation to try to get at him because of it.  How do I keep explaining to him to not hate the Christians when all they show him is hate because they are Christians?

I think that Jesus would tell Sully to beat these stupid kids to a pulp.  Jesus seemed like a pretty ok guy for his time… his followers, on the other hand, are making me want to sacrifice their young.



I wanna punch Lila Rose in the face…

27 Apr


It’s been a month since I’ve had a chance to write on here.  A FUCKING MONTH!!   The passing of time is moving too quickly, and I see it as a personal insult to my daily list of tasks.  Time can go to hell.

Yesterday, I found a newspaper article on my desk that Brad had left for me with a front page article circled for me to read.  The headline read: “Abortion Foe Goes Undercover”.  You can check out all the details of the article at the “abortion foe’s” website HERE.  To sum it up, a college student named Lila Rose has been posing as a 13 year old, going into Planned Parenthood with a hidden camera, telling the nurses that she’s pregnant from a 31 year old and needs an abortion.  By law, if a minor goes into any health facility and states that they’ve had sex with an adult, the nurse has to report it as statutory rape, and parents must be notified if someone this young wants an abortion (the age on this varies from state to state).  But Miss Rose (who is a college student and NOT pregnant) has been trapping the nurses into telling her to not mention the fake boyfriends age, or telling her to go across state lines where laws are more lenient.  Miss Rose is trying to “expose” Planned Parenthood for not notifying police and parents, therefore allowing statutory rape to go unpunished.

BULLSHIT!!!! This has been played out in the media as if it’s one lady’s quest to protect young girls from “statutory rape”… a crusader trying to save young girls.  This is not true.  Rose is just another stereotypical anti-choice fanatic trying to find a back-end way to shut down abortion clinics.  She knows that the “abortion is wrong because god says so/all life is sacred/bla bla bla” is tired, played-out, and noone wants to hear it anymore… so she’s found a new stragey.  And, sadly, it worked.  Because of this gender traitor, on Wednesday Tennessee said it would seek to end it’s $721,000 contract with Planned Parenthood, and last month the Orange County Board of Supervisors voted to suspend a grant worth nearly $300,000 to Planned Parenthood.  Rose is seen as a hero for the rights and protection of young girls…. but the damage she’s ACTUALLY throwing onto young girls in crisis could be catastrophic.

Let’s throw personal beliefs out the window for a second and look at common sense facts.  Planned Parenthood does not exist because anyone thinks that abortions are a super fun good time.  They don’t throw little parties whenever a girl comes in to terminate a pregnancy.  Working there is NOT a fun job… but it’s a NECESSARY job in our society.  These nurses have to deal with young girls facing one of the toughest decisions in their life.  They aren’t cops.  They aren’t there to judge.  They are there to help girls who come to them.  And yes, young girls get involved with older men.  It’s awful, and these older men are vile creatures… but that doesn’t change the fact that these young girls need HELP and should NOT be forced to have a baby.  They go to places like Planned Parenthood because they don’t feel like they can go to their parents, or to any other adult in their life… and they rely on places like this to help them through this so they can get on with their life.  Planned Parenthood isn’t the Rape Crisis Center- if it was, it would be called the Rape Crisis Center instead of Planned Parenthood.  And yes, they’re supposed to report it when very young girls come in seeking help- but when you’ve got a 14 year old girl in sitting in front of you, pregnant, scared, and with nowhere else to turn; and you know that if you threaten to call the cops or her parents, she’ll just leave and either take extreme and potentially deadly measures to get rid of this baby or have the baby at too young of an age… well, I probably wouldn’t call the cops or her parents either.  They’re there to help the girls that come to them- NOT do the job of the police or the parents.

And let’s be realistic as to just how many 13 and 14 year old girls with adult boyfriends come into Planned Parenthood seeking an abortion.  Out of ALL the services that P.P. provides, just how prominent is this particular situation really?  3%?  5%?  Abortion services aren’t the only thing P.P. does.  They aren’t rolling in buckets of dead babies.  They are where I went in college for all my OBGYN check ups, to get affordable birth control, cheap pregnancy testing when I thought I was pregnant with Sully, to get my ex-husband tested for STD’s when we were dating before I let him screw me, to get my friends the ‘morning after pill’, etc.  I went there because it was affordable, staffed by women, and they were understanding of any situation.  To sever funding and shut down these clinics because one girl doesn’t like abortions and is willing to underhandedly trick the nurses into thinking they’re helping a child stuck in a HORRIFYING situation is just sick and wrong.

Not everyone agrees with abortion.  That’s fine.  BUT, in my book, if you’re a woman and you callously go out of your way to take away the choices of other women, making their life more difficult or forcing them into a situation that they aren’t prepared for or that could ruin their life- you’re a gender traitor, and an enemy of mine.  Go ahead and hate abortion… I think you’d be hard pressed to find someone out there who loves them, or thinks that they’re a good time.  But DO NOT make shitting on the rights of other women your life’s work.  We live in crappy times filled with horrible situations and decisions- don’t make it that much harder by forcing other women to have babies that they can’t possibly take care of, OR forcing them to go through with the pregnancy and put the baby up for adoption (which can be far more traumatic than an abortion could ever be)… or the worst- potentially harming themselves by taking dangerous measures to get rid of the unwanted fetus because their safe and legal clinics have been taken away from them.  Shutting down Planned Parenthoods’ and getting their funding cut because of your own personal beliefs IS betraying other women’s right to safety and control over their own life.

Lila Rose, you ARE a gender traitor.  You make me embarrassed to have a vagina, and I hope you get genital warts that spread all over your body.  And if I ever see you, expect to be vomited on.  You’re THAT fucking vile.  It takes ALOT to make me to hate another woman- but she won that prize.

I wrote her an email… feel free to do the same.  Her email address is and the phone number is 408-497-3982.

One person CAN make a difference… it just sucks ass when the difference destroys the lives of so many others.

On a lighter note, I had a bookcase fall on me a couple days ago and I was told because of what I experienced afterwards I probably had a mild concussion (which is all my brain needs after all the other head injuries I’ve had); we went to a pet show last weekend and I now feel it’s mandatory that I own a Great Dane to go with my herd of cats; Sully was John Adams in a school play, and he wore the hat I made him for it upside down and backwards through the whole thing (which was a fucking riot); and I’m going to have new drawings for sale by this weekend on my webstore.  I believe that’s all I have to share with you this evening.

Big hugs to you all… except you, Miss Lila Rose.

(This statement can also be found on all my social media platforms)

Today a gallery I work with got an anonymous letter in the mail for me. The writer read this blog post from TEN YEARS AGO. This creepy person wrote me a letter (full serial killer style on little numbered notecards) threatening to dox and go after me via all online outlets if I don’t bend to their will and beliefs. They are trying to bully me into submission b/c they said I was bullying this woman who is destroying the lives of other women. They are using the MeToo movement to justify threatening a woman who stands up for women & women’s causes. So this is my response… fuck you. Fuck your fear tactics, and threatening me while using the amazing MeToo movement to do it. You degrade the movement with your actions, and are an insult to it. If I had my way, my legacy would put a Planned Parenthood on every corner, birth control would be given out like candy, Pap smears for ALL, and abortions for everyone who wants them for free. I don’t know if you’re a confused female misogynist-sympathizer or an INCEL… but your blackmail tactics hold zero weight. You don’t get to try to make a woman submit in fear in the name of MeToo, you fucking moron. So, no. There will be no apology. Now go find something better to do with your time.

Since the blackmailing writer of the stalker letter promised to be watching for my “apology”- I know they are going to be looking at this post.  This is specifically for you:  ALL of my profiles online are public.  Everything I post everywhere is public.  I have nothing to hide and stand behind all my statements… unlike you.  You hide behind unsigned threatening letters.  You use your anonymity to try to instill fear- but it didn’t work.  You don’t even have enough confidence and strength in your opinion to sign your name to it.  So you can go ahead and share this decade-old post everywhere… it’s already public and searchable (which is how you found it).  It will just lead more people to my art, more hits on my sites, and strengthen my numbers.  My words against Lila Rose are from a justifiable rage because she is actively harming a nation of women… and I will NEVER apologize for that.

ALSO… if you do decide to dox me, my fans and I will donate $1 to Planned Parenthood for every share of my content, negative comment on ANY of my sites, or negative contact with me.  The more you share my words, the more money we give to Planned Parenthood.

And HUGE apologies to the beautiful people at the gallery for having this batshit craziness even enter their amazing gallery. The end.

(The pics below are photos sent to me of the letter… which had “Private and Confidential” on the envelope where the return address should be, and the letter’s postmark was from Philadelphia)


Prop. 8 in California, and having to refrain from attacking old ladies before I’ve had my morning coffee….

30 Oct

It’s unfair to bombard someone with politics before they’ve had their morning coffee.  It can lead to violent tendencies and justifiable homicide.  Especially when you’re dealing with hot issues such as gay marriage, abortion, etc.  This morning, I had to fight every single natural urge surging through my body to keep from running a bunch of grannies over with my car because of exactly this (and even on my 2nd cup of coffee, I wish I HAD run them over).

We have a proposition on the table here in California threatening the sanctity of gay marriage.  It’s Proposition 8.  If Proposition 8 is passed on election day, it will define marriage as only being between a man and a woman.  Those conservative Bible-thumping piles of shit just can’t let others be happy and leave people alone.  They feel that EVERYONE has to live under their ancient and outdated doctrine, no matter how harmful and oppressive it may be.  These are the people that reaffirm my hatred of everything God-like, every single day. If their god is such a power-hungry bastard, then he had better stay off my side of the fence or I’ll beat him with a baseball bat.

So, this morning I’m driving Sully to school.  I’m still in my pajamas (which is routine… I don’t ever get dressed unless I have to), and half-awake because I haven’t had my morning coffee yet.  We pull up to the school, and across the street are groups of old ladies holding their “Vote YES on Prop 8; Save Marriage” signs.  I see red.  It’s 8:30 in the god damn morning!!!  And in front of a public school!!!  I fucking HATE these people!!!

Sully sees them.  He reads the signs.  He asks me “Who are they saving marriage from?”.  I tell him “They want to make it illegal for homosexual couples to get married legally”.  He says “Isn’t that homophobic?”.  I say, “Yes, honey…. very much so”.  His eyes narrow, and he growls under his breath “Hitler was homophobic, too”.  I have the BEST 10 year old on the planet.  He gives me a hug and a kiss, gets out of the car and walks to the school, looking back every few seconds and openly glaring at the old ladies.  Now I’m not only seeing red… I’m seeing blood and bile and fire and brimstone.  These stupid fucking old ladies have started my son’s day off with a big dose of ignorant social hatred and prejudice.  If they want to go and stand outside a mall, or at an intersection- that’s one thing.  But to stand in front of an elementary school and inflict their hate, stupidity, and religious oppression onto innocent children is just WRONG.  I parked the car and almost got out.  I sat there fuming and writhing in my seat, picturing the tire iron in the back of my car slamming into the face of one of the grannies who was wearing a sweatshirt that said “Grandmas for safe marriage” with little hearts on it.  I’m so fucking sick of these people.  Why don’t they all die already and let everyone else live in peace???!!!

But I didn’t get out.  Because I KNEW that if I confronted these ignorant women in that mental state, I would end up getting arrested.  And I preach non-violence to my son… so it wouldn’t be a very good example for him to see mommy getting hauled away by the police in front of his school in her pajamas and slippers after kicking the shit out of a bunch of old ladies.  But I did scream “GET CANCER AND DIE” at them when I drove past (immature… yes… but better than the tire iron scenario, so they got off lucky).

I’m just so sick of the ignorance in this country that it literally makes my stomach hurt.  Whether or not someone agrees with homosexuality, who the hell are they to tell ANYONE how they are allowed to live their life?  How is gay marriage being legal going to effect heterosexual marriage in ANY WAY?  Are the straight marriages out there all of a sudden going to be less valid, or change in some way?  Or are the religious conservatives out there SO selfish, hateful, and childish that they can’t stand the thought of people who they don’t like having the same rights as them?  Why do they care so much?  I honestly don’t understand it.

And this bullshit of letting the homosexual community only have the right to a commonlaw union, as long as they don’t call it a “marriage” is just insulting.  It’s “Separate but Equal” all over again.  “Separate but Equal” is a slap in the face to anyone having to live in it.  “Sure, we see your union as valid enough for you to share property rights, have medical authority over each other, share health insurance benefits, etc- BUT don’t you dare dirty our sanctity of marriage with your evilness”.  Why do the conservative Christians (the most hateful, harmful, and socially retarded religious group) get to set the rules for everyone else?  Why do they get to dictate the lives of so many people?  I FUCKING HAAAAAAAAAAAAATE THEM!!!!!!!!!!

I really hope these ignorant grannies aren’t there when I go to pick Sully up from school.  And if they are, I hope their god is ready to lend a hand if they say one word to me as I walk past them.  I don’t believe in god or Satan, but if they’re going to throw god at me, I might have to throw a little Satan back at them.  The 11th Satanic Rule of the Earth is this:

“11.  When walking in open territory, bother no one.  If someone bothers you, ask him to stop.  If he does not stop, destroy him.”

I like the sound of that.  (Too bad I don’t believe in religion, or else I’d join their team in a second)