Tag Archives: cupcakes

Self awareness should be taught in school…

20 Nov

Last night Sully woke up about 8 different times because of increasingly ridiculous things.  The first couple times was to use the bathroom.  No big deal- except he has this weird habit of asking if he’s allowed to every time.  Every.  Single.  Time.  Always.  As if I’m going to say ‘no’.  Sorry Sully, you’ve now got to hold it for the rest of your life.  Then at around 2am, he wakes up and yells to me that he wants all the cats in his bed.  Then at around 3:30 we hear this huge crash, and he somehow kicked his little cd player out of his bed, and he wants me to get up and repair it.  Yeah, right guy… go to sleep. Then about a half hour after that, he yells to me that he thinks his feet are asleep… I yell back that he should follow their lead.  And on and on and on.

Then, when I made coffee this morning, I forgot to dump out the remainder of last night’s coffee that was still in the pot… so I came home from dropping off Sully from school to an overflowed coffee pot with a mixture of gross old coffee and new fresh coffee.  It was all over the countertop, spilled onto the floor, and the cats walked through it so there were little coffee paw prints everywhere.  So before I even had my coffee after a sleepless night, I have to get out the mop and clean the floor.

Then I turn on my computer, and this is one of the first images I see when I went online:

Fucking gross.  Like my day wasn’t off to a horrifying start already- I’m visually assaulted by this washed up relic, still sporting his cornrows.  Dear Life, I hate you today.

A good friend of ours was over the other night, and he happens to be the master of illegal downloads.  So he already had the new Guns N Roses album.  We flipped through the songs and listened to them.  Dear god… that shit is HORRIBLE!!!!  Like, embarrassingly horrible.  The kind of horrible that makes you cringe.  And Axl’s dedication to the cornrows and baggy “chubby old guy” attire doesn’t help matters any.  What I want to know is if he ever looks at himself in the mirror.  Ever.  And if he does, is he so far gone that he can stand in front of that mirror, inspecting his appearance, and think “Yeah, I look good… things are going just fine with me”.  Really?  Really???!!! I don’t get it.  Does he live in a bubble?  Or am I being really mean?…. ok, I am being really mean.  Do I care?  Of course not.

I’ve been doing my little daily crafts… and they make me giggle.  Here’s a few of the new fun stuff that’s now available on the website….

Severed Finger And Denture Cupcakes

Severed Finger Plush X-mas Ornaments

Severed Finger Plush X-mas Ornaments

Crocheted Little Birdy w/ Severed Finger Legs

Crocheted Little Birdy w/ Severed Finger Legs

I’m making custom painted plates tonight.  And I should be getting my dresses back from the screenprinter any day now.  And I just got tons of totes in to get screenprinted.  So there’s gonna be alot more stuff to look forward to on my little webstore.

Off I go to function….

Big hugs to you all (except Axl…. he’s too creepy for hugs).

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Isolation doesn’t always turn you into a mental patient…

1 Oct

Brad get’s really angry at me alot because I don’t leave the house.  He get’s creeped out by how comfortable I am within my walls, and is convinced that someday I will crack wide open like a rotted egg- assualting everyone around me with the reek of my sulfer-infested mental decline.  To that, I say “Whatever, fella” and proudly stick my almighty middle finger in his eye (I’ve never actually hit his eye… not yet at least… he’s a spry fella for his age).

The big difference between me and Brad is that I can entertain myself quite nicely, and that is something that he isn’t really able to do.  He gets bored easily and needs constantly changing external stimulation (which isn’t a bad thing at all- it’s just the way alot of people are), but I’m satisfied with creating my own stimulation.  I love being around people (or, at least being around people of my choosing…. I hate being surrounded by morons, which is usually the case when stepping into the “outside world”), but I don’t NEED to be around people.  Brad doesn’t understand that.  He says I give him the willies.  We actually fight about this… which I think is insane.  I don’t get upset with his inability to stay put- he shouldn’t get mad at me for my comfort in staying put.  They’re just differences.  No big deal, right?  Someone please tell him it’s no big deal.  PLEASE!!!

But it’s because I’m able to stay put and fill my own time, I’m able to play around with funny ideas of things to make…. and my latest play-time resulted in much giggling.  I made more Severed Finger Cupcakes (because the other ones sold out in a couple days, and I was getting emails from people yelling at me to make more), but I added a little something new to the recipe….. dentures.  Here they are!!

Yes…. real dentures.  But they’re clean… don’t worry.  Funny, right?  I think so.  We’ll see how much people are into them.

On a completely different topic, my son has started getting into sculpture.  My art book library mainly consists of printmakers, painters, and illustrators… so he’s had to use what he sees in there to feed his creativity in a 3-D form.  Yesterday he was reading all my Dali books while working with clay, and he was trying his hand at little abstract sculptures taken from the flowing shapes in Dali’s paintings.  He brings one of them into my office, and says “I made this one for you”….. and it took everything I had to not fall out of my chair laughing, and to calmly say “Wow, Sully!  That’s really beautiful!!”.  It wasn’t bad… not at all!  The thing that killed me is that it looks like a sex toy.  Seriously.  I think I saw things exactly like this the last time I was in France.  Let me share with the group:

Maybe I’m a total jerk, but as soon as I saw it I thought “Hell, if he keeps this up, he could make a million working for vivid!”.  It’s sitting on my desk right now, because he made it for me, and his feelings would be hurt if it wasn’t on my desk.  But I’ve gotta say that I’m totally creeped out by this dildo looking thing made for me by my 10 year old son.

That is all I’ve got to tell for now.

I hope all you bunnies are having happy days!

Confessions….

28 Sep

Ok, I have a problem. I thought I had it under control…. but apparently I was wrong.

I’m heavily addicted to ebay.

But not just the site in general…. it’s one particular thing on ebay.  Antique bird salt & pepper shakers, and chickens.  I don’t know what my attraction is with these… but I can’t make it go away. Let me site some examples:

All those above… that’s just the tip of the iceberg.  They’re everywhere in our house.  I can’t get enough of them.  (and in that last pic, the great big chicken… my beautiful friend Matt stole that off some jock’s front porch for me in the middle of the night because it was far more important for me to have it than them… so that wasn’t an ebay purchase.  This is one of the many ways that Matt is magical)

I swore off ebay for keeps almost 2 years ago, and never looked back.  I thought I had a thumb on it.  Until today.  Today showed me that the beast never left… it was just hibernating.  I found these amazing “Watchmen” movie posters that were only available at Comic-con that were taken directly from Watchmen images from 1986, and I HAD to have a Rorschach one (yeah, I’m a fucking nerd.. go ahead and laugh… watch me not care).  So I searched everywhere online, and then thought “well, maybe I can go on ebay just this once to see… it’ll be ok… I just want the poster…. nothing else… just the poster…”.

Well, I got the poster (not the original from comic con, but as good as I’m gonna get)…. but I now have 26 bids on various vintage bird salt & pepper shakers, one auction finished and paid for.  WHAT IS MY FUCKING PROBLEM?????  I KNOW BETTER THAN THIS!!!!!!  FFFFFFFUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!

It’s so difficult, because they’re all so inexpensive, and I think “hell!  That set is only $3.99!  I can get that!!”.  Then there’s the $4-$8 shipping on each one… so it adds up fast.  And my problem is that I’m really competitive, so if someone out bids me, I kindof go wackadoo and think “Screw that dick!  I’M gonna win those shakers!”, and I bid higher.  Seriously… it’s fully retarded.  And I can’t stop.  But now, I’m bound to ebay because I have to keep logging on to pay for auctions I won and to leave feedback and all that crap (because you’re just a jerk if you don’t leave feedback), and I KNOW that the moment I log on… I’ll check on the birdies.  Are there new ones?  Have old prices on ones gone up?  I’m a total tight-wad with every other aspect of my life… but these goddamn birds get me every time.

I’m looking for volunteers to come over and babysit me when I have to log into ebay.  This is mandatory for the safety of my financial stability.  Seriously.  Please?  Anyone?  Help?

Aside from that, I made more cupcakes.  They’re drying right now.  Some with the severed fingers…. but there are a couple new ones with REAL DENTURES in them!  No, not halloweeney store fakey dentures- but the real deal.  They’ve been in old people’s mouths.  For reals. (but I steralized them, so they don’t have dried up old people drool on them or anything).  THEY’RE SO FUCKING FUNNY!!!  I LOVE LOVE LOVE THEM!!!!  Pictures of them to be posted probably by tomorrow night (and they’ll be going on the webstore areound that time too).

HA!

Women are from Venus, Men are from Retard….

21 Sep

A few days ago, I had a very long conversation with a good buddy of mine.  He was all stressed and worried that his special lady-friend was becoming disinterested and maybe having eyes for someone else, and even contemplating leaving him.  He told me how she was acting (despondent, apathetic, submissive to avoid conflict, and overall bored with his existence).  I don’t know his lady friend well, but I know ladies.  These are not happy signs.  Then I asked him what he was doing to try to save his sinking ship… to which he responded, “Duuuhhhhh… nothing.  What am I supposed to do about it?”.  Sigh.  Stupid fucking boys.

So I proceeded to tell him he WAS in fact a stupid fucking boy, and that if his special lady friend really was special, he needed to let her know.  His response…”Should I buy her flowers or take her out to a movie or something?”…. my response “God, you’re REALLY fucking stupid!!!”.  Life isn’t a goddamn hallmark card or some horrible Juila Roberts movie.  After a long period of neglect, you can’t fix a relationship with a handful of roses and a craptastic hollywood pile of shit.  Common sense, fellas…. common sense.

So I’m going to throw out some info for the fellas so they can understand how to try to “make things better”, and hopefully aid some ladies out there who have retards for boyfriends/husbands (because we ALL do… except my friend Tawni. Tawni somehow found the one male on the planet who isn’t an emotional cripple.  I would like her to know that I think of her every time Brad is being an asshole, and am green with envy).

Women are NOT complex.  I know that millions of comic strips, movies, sitcoms, and stand-up acts rely solely on the notion that women are just TOO far out there to even try to understand- but I promise you, it just isn’t true.  We may sometimes be picky.  We may sometimes be high-maintenance. We may sometimes be irritable (you try having one of your internal organs turn against you once a month causing genital hemorrhaging and knife stabbing pain and see how pleasant you are).  But we are not not not not not difficult to figure out.

To understand relationships is to understand people.  People are selfish, and driven primarily by selfish needs.  There isn’t a single person on the plant who’s actions aren’t governed by this.  It’s primal, and is there from birth (why do you think the concept of sharing is so difficult for toddlers?).  Because of this, we surround ourselves with people that fulfill something in us that we are lacking.  We spend time with people that make us feel something we need to feel.  We don’t hang out with jerks and morons and people that make us feel like crap about ourselves (unless we’ve been emotionally beat down and have terrible self-esteems… but then that fulfills a need, and is a totally different topic).  So in a relationship, once it loses all it’s fun and starts to become a chore- of course someone is going to start looking for an “out”.  This can be avoided, though.

If you’re a fella, and your lady is showing those apathetic and despondent signs, or you’re fearful that another fella has caught their attention, it really isn’t hard to turn things around… or to try, at least.  What was your relationship like when you first got together?  How did you make her FEEL?  Did you make her feel like the prettiest lady on the planet?  The most special person to you?  Women in our culture are bombarded from birth by messages telling us that we’re not pretty enough/thin enough/smart enough/ stylish enough/ exciting enough/sexy enough/ special enough.  We’re raised in a perpetual state of low self-esteem that we have to battle with everything we do.  So if we find a boy that shares our interests and makes us feel like we’ve knocked them off their feet, we tend to get weak in the knees.  Your job, as boys, is to keep making us weak in the knees.  Just keep doing all that stuff you did when the two of you first got together that made her feel like the most amazing girl you’ve ever met.  It’s not hard.  It’s all stuff you’ve done before…. it’s all that stuff that caught her attention in the first place and kept her attention long enough for you to grab her up.  Just keep doing it.  Don’t let things get old and stale.  It seriously is that simple.

And yes, you will have to keep doing this shit for the entirety of your relationship.  You may see this as “high-maintenance”…. but if you’d like to continue to have a lady around who will endure your male-stench, and your stupid jokes, and all the crap that comes along with existing with you, and have someone there for you to come home to, and emotionally support you, and to keep you from having to go back out into the “dating world” where you will face constant and consistent rejection just to come home to a messy and pathetic bachelor pad with nothing but your porn and your own company, then you’re going to have to keep making her feel special. But by all means- feel free to ignore what I’m saying.  Defiantly state “fuck that female-high-maintenance bullshit!!” and go try to find something better, or a relationship that doesn’t end up in the same place you’re in now.  Good luck with that.

But if you’ve found a good lady, and would like to continue to have that good lady around- just keep making her feel good things.  It really isn’t that much to ask.  Weigh it out… all you have to do is keep making us feel special, and in turn you get… well…. everything.  Not a bad deal, right?

I have now put away the soapbox.  On a different note, here’s what I made yesterday:

Severed Finger Cupcakes!!!  Available this week on the webstore!!!  YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The days of weekend sleep are dead…..

20 Sep

… “Not Another Christmas” by Morning Glory

The song above is by one of our “extended family member’s” band Morning Glory.  Click on the little arrow above to hear them.  Ezra (the mastermind behind the music, who is also in the same band as my hubby, Leftover Crack) is a darling fella and I love him like a brother.  They’re going to be on tour soon… so click on the link above and check out the tour dates… and then go see them.  They’re super fantastic.  Seriously.  Here’s our family and Ezra during “art time” at our house:

Yay for art time!  Yay for Morning Glory!  Yay for Ezra staying at our house and playing with Sully while I try and get stuff done!!

As far as trying to get stuff done and not being able to because of my mommyness…. weekend morning sleep-in has always been a sacred thing for me.  When Sully was little, he would just bring a bunch of toys into my bed and we’d play “The Sleeping Shark”.  This game consisted of me laying there in a constant “dozing off state”, but awake enough to open and close my mouth continuously.  Sully would make all his action figures run around the bed, get close to my mouth like I was going to eat them, and then he’d make them all run away from the Sleeping Shark in terror.  I could sleep, but still play with him at the same time.  I thought I was pretty brilliant for coming up with this game.

But now Sully is 10.  “The Sleeping Shark” is now deemed stupid.  He has ALWAYS gotten up waaaaaaaay before anyone else in the house, and has always made himself a well-rounded breakfast and gotten dressed before I even get up (even on school days)… but lately, he’s been really needy for attention.  He has to have someone paying attention to him every second of the day, which has been exhausting (and caused problems at school because he’ll do anything to get that attention- whether it’s good or bad).  This attention seeking has disrupted my weekend mornings.  This is what started at 8:30am this morning:

He walks into our bedroom (something he knows he’s not supposed to do unless asked to come in- privacy is something we’ve been working on for a long time) and starts in:

Sully: What are you doing?

Me (asleep): What does it look like I’m doing?  I’m sleeping.  And I’m gonna keep doing it.

Sully: Oh, ok.

8:40 am…

Sully (back in the bedroom): Did you sleep well last night?

Me: I don’t know because I’m still trying to do it.  Ask me again when I’m actually up and walking around.  And when did you think you could start barging into our room?  Come on, fella- the rules haven’t changed in 10 years.

Sully: Oh, ok.

8:45am…

Sully (standing right at the edge of my doorway so he hasn’t actually walked into the room): Did you have good dreams last night?  I had good dreams.  I dreamed that there was this cat and I had this gigantic car that had these lasers….

Me (starting to lose patience): Stop.  Now.  You know what you’re doing, and you know that I’m not into it.  Tell me when I’m up and walking around!

Sully: Oh, ok.

8:50am….

Sully (again, standing in the doorway): Do you think that if you had wheels on the bottoms of your feet that you wouldn’t need a car?

Me (totally annoyed at this point): DUDE?  REALLY?  SLEEPING!!!!!!!! And stop standing in the doorway!!!

Sully: Oh, ok.

8:55am….

Sully (yelling from his room): Mom… did Marilyn Monroe really have eleven toes?

Me: JESUS HOLY CHRIST!!! I’M UP!!!  I’M UP!!!!

Sully: Oh, ok.

I usually go to sleep at around 2 or 3 in the morning.  And during the week, I’m up at 7:30 in the morning to get Sully to school.  When I was younger, a couple hours of sleep a night was all I needed.  But I’m getting older, so weekend morning sleep-time is something my body now requires to be able to keep the late-night sleep schedule during the week.  And I adore my son- but that guy needs to get a fucking life.  He has more toys than any child I know, art supplies out the ass, all kinds of DVD’s he could watch, his own personal library of about 150 books, and 5 cats to keep him entertained.  All I ask is to be able to sleep in a little 2 mornings a week.  This was never a problem until recently.  But now I think I’m fucked.  Damnit.

And with his new-found need for constant attention, during the day every 3 minutes (no exaggeration- you could set a watch to it) I hear “hey mom?….” followed by some question that he had just asked me 12 time already.  It’s driving me a little bonkers.  I’ve always been very independent.  I like the people around me to be very independent.  So this new neediness is making me lose patience. I don’t know where it’s coming from, but it needs to stop.  I understand he’s just a child- but at age 3 he was more independent than he is now.  It’s fucking killing me!!!

But now that I’m up, I’m going to start in on my weekend project of making my “Severed Finger Cupcakes” to sell on the webstore.  Plaster molds of fingers (Sully, me, and our dear friend Sturgeon all participated donating fingers for the molds), and fake cupcakes that look totally real but will last forever.  Here’s a picture of some of the first ones I tried making (the new ones will be MUCH better):

Those are made with plastic fingers.  The new plaster fingers will be gray and dead looking.  With ribbons and sprinkles and all kinds of other fun.  They will be magic.  And hopefully done and on the store by Monday.  I’ll post pics when they’re finished.

That’s all for today.

Over and out.

Back from Berlin, and searching for the motivation to function

19 Sep

I got back from Berlin on Sunday night.  The flight back was more grueling than the elderly infested flight out there…. but I’ll save that story for another day.  The show was fantastic, the Strychnin crew are all among my “top 10” people on the planet, and much fun was had.  I posted a bunch of pictures on my flickr page of the show, some that I took, but mostly ones that Iris Bitter (one of the lovely Strychnin folks) took. I’m really really bad about remembering to take pictures wherever I go, so thankfully Iris was there with her trusty camera to capture memories that will soon be flying out of my head.

Something interesting that I discovered at the show while talking to some of the locals is that apparently the Germans’ don’t know what a cupcake is.  I have cupcakes in a few of my pieces, and I was asked by more than a few people what exactly those were.  This kindof blew my mind, because I rely on cupcakes for the bulk of my dietary intake.  Not to mention I have framed photos of cupcakes around the house because I love them so.  But to try to explain what a cupcake is to someone who’s never had one, and then try to explain why it’s important and has become such an american cultural obsession is difficult… not to mention it makes you sound like a crazy person.  Because they are silly and insignificant.  But they’re so much fucking fun!!!   So for any German out there reading this who doesn’t know what a cupcake is, here ya go (and I stole these off flickr, and I don’t remember who I stole them from so I can’t give proper credit… so sorry to whoever these pics belong to… bla bla bla whatever)

There.  Cupcakes.  Do ya get it?  With cupcakes, everyday can be your birthday.  It’s your own little personal cake, but small enough to where you’re not obligated to eat an entire regular sized cake.  And they’re pretty.  And made of magic.  Maybe it’s just an American thing…. but the Japanese have caught on, and they understand it too (but it’s probably because cupcakes are small and adorable, and Japan has perfected the art of creating things that are small and adorable).  Yes, it’s probably moronic that we’re obsessed with something so insignificant just because it’s small and cute and yummy… but that’s kindof what the U.S. is known for- being obsessed with stupid things for ridiculous reasons.  IE: Paris Hilton, Pokemon, the pet rock, Cabbage Patch Kids dolls, porn or anything related to sex that causes a juvanile reaction, Urkle, Bay Watch, Pogs, flip flops, designer sweatpants with stupid phrases written across the ass…. should I go on?  I’d rather not… it kindof hurts my feelings and makes me wish I was Canadian.

So since I’ve been home, I’ve been in a slump. I’m not sure what’s wrong with me.  Maybe it’s because I was running on manic for so long that now I don’t know what to do with myself (because I’m not good at sitting still, or slowing down… it makes me weird).  And I KNOW part of it is because of money, and that forever-growing virus in the back of my brain that says mean and horrible things to me all day and night because I’m bound to financial struggle (I fucking HATE being broke… I don’t want to be rich… just stable… for once…. please?).  But I’ve just been tired and non-responsive and unimpressed with everything.  I’d like to have this go away and go back to perky.  Maybe I’ll make some cupcakes and it will all be better.  Brad says I need to get a part-time job somewhere I like to get out of my head for a couple days a week.  It’s probably a good idea.  Because right now I’m sick of my head.  Anybody know anyone who’s hiring?

For now, lets all watch something that makes everyone happy……

Oh yeah… I have a couple drawings for sale on the webstore that weren’t needed for the show, so go take a peek.

xoxoxoxoxo………..

What happens in Vegas never really stays in Vegas….

17 Feb

… or at least now that things like Flickr exist.

Here are a few pics from the recent “Pool Tradeshow” that I was at with the girls from All-Mighty Clothing.  I never have a camera on me (or the battery is always dead when I do- which was the case during this trade show), but luckily the glorious Jen Daking from All-Mighty always has her camera ready and waiting (Jen also does makeup professionally, so if you need for some people to look pretty, check her out HERE).  All these pictures were taken by her.

Here’s our little booth at the show….

Kristen Ferrell/All-Mighty Pool 2008

a little more of the booth, Erica working and me making a stupid face….

pool 2008

This is Stella… she belongs to the owners of Vicious Cycle in Chicago.  I’m a devout cat-person, but I fell in love with this puppy (and I love the folks at Vicious Cycle tons and tons as well- go there and give them mountains of money because they’re great)…

stella

All-Mighty decorations are the cutest on the planet…..

cupcake

I don’t really drink much, or gamble, or have sex with hookers…. so when I’m in Vegas my vice is the bakery’s that can be found in the casinos.  I bought happy pink cupcake things that looked like cars and big balls of chocolate hazelnut madness.  I think this is much more fun than a hooker could be, and alot cheaper than gambling…

Erica thought so too…..

this picture was mandatory (and Jen is my favorite for taking it)….

That’s all I’m going to post on here… but you can see more on my flickr page (just scroll down and there’s a link to it) or on Fantastic Jen’s flickr page.

Wonderful Danielle was sick the whole show, and I have now come down with what she had… so I have no more energy to write, and I’ve got to muster the strength to paint all day for my upcoming show in France while taking care of my rowdy son and cleaning the house because we’re going to be having guests staying with us for a few days.  UUUUGGGHHHHH…

It never ends.