Tag Archives: feminism

The new “feminism” is looking pretty male….

20 Sep

Brad and I like to watch stupid things before we go to bed to unwind.  So when Roseanne Barr’s Comedy Central roast popped up on our netflix, we decided that it couldn’t get much stupider than that, so we dove in.  I knew it would be dumb- but I didn’t think it would be so disheartening.  After an intro of Bikini Kill’s song “Rebel Girl”, and after the female comedians proclaimed their feminism, here is what the jokes consisted of (and keep in mind, all the jokes I’m going to reference were told by women directed at the other women):

Fat joke

Fat joke

Lesbian-just-need- some-dick joke

Fat joke

Rich-chick-slept-her-way-to-the-top joke

You’re-now-ugly-because-you’re-old joke

Fat joke

Slut joke

Fat joke

Lesbian is a bull dyke/trying to be a man because she has short hair joke

Fat joke directed at the young thin girl

Young thin girl making obscene jokes and then doing the dumb doe-eyed girl routine

Fat joke

Many you-were-pretty-and-slept-your-way-to-success-but-now-you’re-old-and-ugly jokes

Fat joke

Many slut jokes

Fat joke

The only woman who didn’t participate in the Ladies-telling-dude-jokes was Carrie Fisher… who actually called out the ridiculousness of the rampant “I can only be a funny lady by acting like a stupid dude”, and basically just made fun of how much of a addict she is (which was pretty funny).

I know this was a roast, and I know that the point is to rip each other up.  But ladies- is that all you’ve got?  And with Roseanne Barr as your target- that was the best you can come up with?  Low-brow frat boy humor?  And then you claim “We’re feminists!” while relying on the worst of Misogyny Comedy 101?  Fat, slut, and dyke jokes?  The guys that were roasting Roseanne didn’t even rely on such bottom-feeding tactics… and that’s saying something.

So a big depressed *sigh* for Roseanne and the ladies at her roast…. EXCEPT for the always wonderful Carrie Fisher, who knows that women should be above grunty testosterony humor.

Highly recommended reading for all you ladies out there….

12 Jan

Brad was supposed to be on tour right now, but because of transportation issues he was home last night.  He’s been gone the past weekend, so I had armed the bedroom like I do whenever he’s out of town.  As he jumped onto his side of the bed, he almost impaled himself with the machete that I had hidden under the covers.  When Brad is out of town, my whole house is booby-trapped.  This is something I started doing when I was a single mom, and it’s the only way I can sleep soundly when Brad is on the road.  I used to laugh and admit that it’s probably a little overzealous.  But I’ve been reading this amazing book that is teaching me to no longer laugh at that gnawing feeling in my stomach that tells me to protect myself.  Because I’m not nuts… the world we live in is.

A little over a month ago, the Omniscient Stevil Kinevil and his lovely lady-friend were visiting my corner of California, and we went out for some drinks.  We got on the topic of safety and stalkers, and I told them about a stalker that I had in college who went so far as to break into my apartment while I was asleep inside.   That experience taught me to sleep with a croquet mallet, and booby-trap my house when home alone at night.  They suggested that I read an amazing book called The Gift of Fear: and other survival signals that protect us from violence by Gavin de Becker.  So I promptly went home, ordered it, and waited until I had the time to start reading it.  For a month it sat on my desk, staring at me- and I staring back longingly.  But the night before last I finally decided to pick it up and just take in the first couple pages- and now I can’t put it down. Seriously… this book is already changing how I watch people, and how I pay attention to my own reactions to others.  And I can’t think of a better book that should be mandatory reading for every woman of every age in our society.

Have you ever watched the tv show “Criminal Minds” about the group of behavioral analysts who solve crazy murders and find serial killers?  I own the box sets of the first couple seasons (I got them because I just loooove Mandy Patinkin and his crazy eyebrows), and that show was fun for me to watch because I loved ‘reading’ the behaviors of the bad guys to try to figure out what they were going to do next (and I loved watching Mandy’s eyebrows).  This book is exactly that- teaching women to really watch and analyze the behaviors of others to keep ourselves safe…. but most importantly, to reintroduce ourselves to our long lost and silenced intuition.

The book is written for primarily women, because men of all ages and from all parts of the world are more violent than women.  De Becker states in a note in the first pages that having the book be “politically correct would be statistically incorrect”- and that alone is greatly appreciated.  I’m only a little more than halfway through since I’m only able to steal moments here and there to read… but the amount of  information that is packed into the first 50 pages alone is overwhelming… but all broken down into the most basic of common sense.  We live in a brutal and violent culture; we passively accept the violence and brutality; but we ignore our own most primal instincts of fear and cling to the sham that people are above violence, leaving ourselves wide open to be victims of our brutally violent society.    In the 20 minutes it’s taken me to write this, approx 25 women were raped.  de Becker made a chilling analogy that “… if a full jumbo jet crashed into a mountain killing everyone on board, and if that happened every month, month in and month out, the number of people killed still wouldn’t equal the number of women murdered by their husbands and boyfriends each year.” That sincerely makes my stomach hurt.  But what is fully amazing is that for all the “unpredictable behavior” that people display- it’s actually quite predictable.  It’s just that we’ve been conditioned to ‘turn off’ that little voice inside our head that says “Hey- that guy standing by my car in this empty parking garage looks sketchy as fuck… run!”.  Instead, we’ve been reconditioned to think “I don’t like this situation- but I don’t want to make a big deal out of what probably is nothing, and I don’t want to go back to work/the store/etc to get someone to walk me to my car over silly paranoia”.  Silly Paranoia is actually the last of our animal instincts that lets us know if a situation/person/place is safe or not… and that Silly Paranoia could be the difference between walking away safe, or being assaulted or worse.  Our instincts have been given a cute little name, Women’s Intuition, and dismissed as fleeting hysteria.  But 77 women raped an hour (which is the most current average number) isn’t hysteria- it’s a reason to prepare ourselves for what’s out there.  We shouldn’t live in fear- but we should learn to listen to what our bodies and instincts tell us, and to really watch the people around us so that we no longer have to be afraid.

As I was reading the first few chapters of this book, I kept thinking of my college stalker.  At the time, I was astonished and shocked that he went to such frightening lengths to get to me.  But now, reading this book, I can see that all the signs were there.  He somehow knew my class schedule and was always waiting for me.  He started showing up at the restaurant my boyfriend worked at, sitting for hours and just glaring at him.  He somehow got my unlisted number and began calling all the time.  But I though that he was just clingy and awkward, and I didn’t want to be mean.  Then he broke into my apartment on the one night of the week that I was ever alone there.  All the behaviors prior to him breaking in were warning signs that it would escalate- but I didn’t want to pay attention to them because I didn’t want to “hurt the poor socially inept fella” or believe that anyone in my safe little life could be a predator.  But they can.  And it’s time for us to start really seeing the signs for what they are, and being mean if we need to in order to keep ourselves safe.

So every one of you- get this book (it’s only a couple dollars used on Amazon).  Mothers, get this for your daughters (it’s a heartbreaking read at times, so keep age appropriateness in mind and save it to give to your daughter when she’s a little older).  Brothers, boyfriends, husbands and friends- get this for your sisters, mothers, girlfriends, wives and lady-buddies.  It really is that amazing and powerful.  Scouts honor.

Off I go to run around with Bradly until he goes back on the road (yay for babysitters and nights out!).  Happy reading, and every one of you have a safe and wonderful night!!!

I wanna punch Lila Rose in the face…

27 Apr

It’s been a month since I’ve had a chance to write on here.  A FUCKING MONTH!!   The passing of time is moving too quickly, and I see it as a personal insult to my daily list of tasks.  Time can go to hell.

Yesterday, I found a newspaper article on my desk that Brad had left for me with a front page article circled for me to read.  The headline read: “Abortion Foe Goes Undercover”.  You can check out all the details of the article at the “abortion foe’s” website HERE.  To sum it up, a college student named Lila Rose has been posing as a 13 year old, going into Planned Parenthood with a hidden camera, telling the nurses that she’s pregnant from a 31 year old and needs an abortion.  By law, if a minor goes into any health facility and states that they’ve had sex with an adult, the nurse has to report it as statutory rape, and parents must be notified if someone this young wants an abortion (the age on this varies from state to state).  But Miss Rose (who is a college student and NOT pregnant) has been trapping the nurses into telling her to not mention the fake boyfriends age, or telling her to go across state lines where laws are more lenient.  Miss Rose is trying to “expose” Planned Parenthood for not notifying police and parents, therefore allowing statutory rape to go unpunished.

BULLSHIT!!!! This has been played out in the media as if it’s one lady’s quest to protect young girls from “statutory rape”… a crusader trying to save young girls.  This is not true.  Rose is just another stereotypical anti-choice fanatic trying to find a back-end way to shut down abortion clinics.  She knows that the “abortion is wrong because god says so/all life is sacred/bla bla bla” is tired, played-out, and noone wants to hear it anymore… so she’s found a new stragey.  And, sadly, it worked.  Because of this gender traitor, on Wednesday Tennessee said it would seek to end it’s $721,000 contract with Planned Parenthood, and last month the Orange County Board of Supervisors voted to suspend a grant worth nearly $300,000 to Planned Parenthood.  Rose is seen as a hero for the rights and protection of young girls…. but the damage she’s ACTUALLY throwing onto young girls in crisis could be catastrophic.

Let’s throw personal beliefs out the window for a second and look at common sense facts.  Planned Parenthood does not exist because anyone thinks that abortions are a super fun good time.  They don’t throw little parties whenever a girl comes in to terminate a pregnancy.  Working there is NOT a fun job… but it’s a NECESSARY job in our society.  These nurses have to deal with young girls facing one of the toughest decisions in their life.  They aren’t cops.  They aren’t there to judge.  They are there to help girls who come to them.  And yes, young girls get involved with older men.  It’s awful, and these older men are vile creatures… but that doesn’t change the fact that these young girls need HELP and should NOT be forced to have a baby.  They go to places like Planned Parenthood because they don’t feel like they can go to their parents, or to any other adult in their life… and they rely on places like this to help them through this so they can get on with their life.  Planned Parenthood isn’t the Rape Crisis Center- if it was, it would be called the Rape Crisis Center instead of Planned Parenthood.  And yes, they’re supposed to report it when very young girls come in seeking help- but when you’ve got a 14 year old girl in sitting in front of you, pregnant, scared, and with nowhere else to turn; and you know that if you threaten to call the cops or her parents, she’ll just leave and either take extreme and potentially deadly measures to get rid of this baby or have the baby at too young of an age… well, I probably wouldn’t call the cops or her parents either.  They’re there to help the girls that come to them- NOT do the job of the police or the parents.

And let’s be realistic as to just how many 13 and 14 year old girls with adult boyfriends come into Planned Parenthood seeking an abortion.  Out of ALL the services that P.P. provides, just how prominant is this particular situation really?  3%?  5%?  Abortion services aren’t the only thing P.P. does.  They aren’t rolling in buckets of dead babies.  They are where I went in college for all my OBGYN check ups, to get affordable birth control, cheap pregnancy testing when I thought I was pregnant with Sully, to get my ex-husband tested for STD’s when we were dating before I let him screw me, to get my friends the ‘morning after pill’, etc.  I went there because it was affordable, staffed by women, and they were understanding of any situation.  To sever funding and shut down these clinics because one girl doesn’t like abortions and is willing to underhandedly trick the nurses into thinking they’re helping a child stuck in a HORRIFYING situation is just sick and wrong.

Not everyone agrees with abortion.  That’s fine.  BUT, in my book, if you’re a woman and you callously go out of your way to take away the choices of other women, making their life more difficult or forcing them into a situation that they aren’t prepared for or that could ruin their life- you’re a gender traitor, and an enemy of mine.  Go ahead and hate abortion… I think you’d be hard pressed to find someone out there who loves them, or thinks that they’re a good time.  But DO NOT make shitting on the rights of other women your life’s work.  We live in crappy times filled with horrible situations and decisions- don’t make it that much harder by forcing other women to have babies that they can’t possibly take care of, OR forcing them to go through with the pregnancy and put the baby up for adoption (which can be far more traumatic than an abortion could ever be)… or the worst- potentially harming themselves by taking dangerous measures to get rid of the unwanted fetus because their safe and legal clinics have been taken away from them.  Shutting down Planned Parenthoods’ and getting their funding cut because of your own personal beliefs IS betraying other women’s right to safety and control over their own life.

Lila Rose, you ARE a gender traitor.  You make me embarrassed to have a vagina, and I hope you get genital warts that spread all over your body.  And if I ever see you, expect to be vomited on.  You’re THAT fucking vile.  It takes ALOT to make me to hate another woman- but she won that prize.

I wrote her an email… feel free to do the same.  Her email address is lilarose@liveaction.org and the phone number is 408-497-3982.

One person CAN make a difference… it just sucks ass when the difference destroys the lives of so many others.

On a lighter note, I had a bookcase fall on me a couple days ago and I was told because of what I experienced afterwards I probably had a mild concussion (which is all my brain needs after all the other head injuries I’ve had); we went to a pet show last weekend and I now feel it’s mandatory that I own a Great Dane to go with my herd of cats; Sully was John Adams in a school play, and he wore the hat I made him for it upside down and backwards through the whole thing (which was a fucking riot); and I’m going to have new drawings for sale by this weekend on my webstore.  I believe that’s all I have to share with you this evening.

Big hugs to you all… except you, Miss Lila Rose.

A new Girl Scouts for a new day and age….

28 Mar

I tried to cook a family dinner tonight.  I made a really fantastic spinach quiche (and for me to cook something fantastic from scratch is a day to mark on your calendar and celebrate for years to come. “Kristen cooked something that wasn’t burnt and vile” day is now officially March 28th. Notify Hallmark).   Sully refused to eat it.  Brad has sworn off dairy.  So I gave up, put it in the fridge, waited for Sully to go to bed and for Brad to go out for the night… now I’m eating graham crackers and home-made fudge sauce for dinner instead- unable to look at my rejected quiche.  Go to hell, “family dinner night”.  (and if any of you want the fudge sauce recipe, I’ll gladly post it- it’s AWESOME!!!… and sooooo easy)

Yesterday I was digging through piles of crap in my office, and I found some of my old girl scout badges.  I had to look them up online to remember what little duty I had to conquer in order to prove my worthiness of these badges.  While I was hunting, I stumbled onto the Girl Scout Law.  I had long forgotten it, but seeing it again- it’s pretty fucking awesome:

I will do my best to be:
Honest and fair,
Friendly and helpful,
Considerate and caring,
Courageous and strong, and
Responsible for what I say and do,
And to
respect myself and others,
respect authority,
use resources wisely,
make the world a better place, and
be a sister to every Girl Scout.

And the Girl Scout Motto:  Be Prepared

Now, I hated Girl Scouts.  I quit at the 5th grade school carnival when they told me I had to spend my carnival-time cleaning up tables instead of playing the games (but I was an asshole little kid).  I hated selling the damn cookies.  I hated the summer camp with the heat and the bugs.  I just don’t remember enjoying any of it.  And the uniform’s sole purpose seemed intent on humiliation.  But reading the Girl Scout law now- I kindof love it.

Granted, I’d take out the “respect authority”, because “respecting self and others” already sums it up- and frankly, there are oodles of authority figures out there not deserving of respect.  To blindly respect someone just because they are in a position of power is a frightening thing to teach a child in this day and age.  There are too many creepy bad-touch shit-bags out there.  But the rest- it’s pretty damn solid.  If everyone followed those simple rules- life would be so much better.

But what really gave me tiny little chills was the motto: Be Prepared.

I know that it’s not supposed to be ominous- but to me, it is… yet mandatory.  Every little girl on the planet needs to have “Be Prepared” drilled into their head… and then they need to be taught how to prepare themselves, and for what.  I want to start my own Girl Scout Troop- but screw the lanyards, and the baking, and the cookie sales, and my little girl’s uniforms would look a little more Black-Panther-Party and a little less Designed-By-Retards-Who-Really-Like-St.Patrick’s-Day (the Black Panther’s just looked so damn cool!!).

In my girl scout troop, here are the ways I would start my girls on the road to Being Prepared, and what they would earn merit badges for:

  • Self defense classes: not martial arts or any of that “zen” stuff- but ways to beat the living shit out of an attacker in order to get away to safety
  • Loyalty to your fellow female: because there is FAR too much ladies-hating-ladies for the sake of stupid boys going around
  • Realistic Body Imaging:  every girl should be aware of just how much airbrushing goes into all those “perfect magazine girls” AND it’s not desirable for a 5’10” girl to weigh 110 pounds
  • Sex and Body Education:  everything a girl MUST know about her body and sex, but the church, the public schools and parents are too afraid to tell them
  • Rape and Abuse 101: the physical abuse, sexual abuse and rape statistics are through the roof- so every girl needs to know how to help themselves and help their friends if the unspeakable happens
  • Objectification 101:  ladies are not here for the sole purpose of getting a man off, serving his needs, or being his property.
  • Self Respect 101: seems simple- but it’s not… but fully necessary.
  • Self Reliance in ALL things: we don’t need men to hold our hands or support us through life.  Everything we want, we can get on our own… and then we can find a partner to be with because we like them, and not because we NEED them
  • Business, banking, and financial success:  ties into self reliance, and makes for more lady millionaires, which makes for more ladies calling the shots
  • Political Activeness: mandatory badge to be earned (but there will be different badges for each political or environmental issue)

The list could go on and on.  I’m thinking about having my own set of merit badges made for these and have them on my webstore (just like the little ones in girl scouts so we can sew them on our hoodies).  One for each topic.  If we feel we’ve really conquered and mastered this skill, and are secure in our abilities- then we get a badge, and can wear it proudly.  And if any of you have other things that need to be on this list- call it out!  I think the Girl Scouts needs a renovation.

But the motto “Be Prepared” should most definitely stay the same.  It applies now more than ever.