Tag Archives: religion

The perfect ending to my relationship with door-to-door Jesus salespeople….

30 Jul

We get a lot of door-to-door salespeople for the lord in our neighborhood. By a lot, I mean at least 3 times a week (that I’m aware of).  Politely telling them I’m not interested doesn’t make them go away.  Lying and saying that I looooove Jesus so so so so much doesn’t make them go away.  Being rude doesn’t make them go away.  Our “No Soliciting” sign doesn’t make them go away.  Nothing makes them grasp the concept that other people don’t need imaginary friends guiding their life just because they do.  I am fed up with these people.

I also feel it is HORRIBLY rude to show up to someone’s house before calling first.  I don’t care who you are.  It’s just proper manners.  If you didn’t call first, you are trespassing.  End of story.

So it’s around 7:30 at night.  I just got out of the shower and am soaking wet- and the doorbell rings.  I look out the front window and see 2 ladies on my doorstep- bibles and pamphlets in hand… and I see red.  You do NOT show up to a strangers house past dinnertime unannounced to try to push your personal agenda onto their life.  You just don’t.

So I grab the machete I keep under the bed in one hand, and my crazy barking little Chihuweenie dog in the other (she goes bonkers at the doorbell).  I throw open the front door, soaking wet wearing nothing but a tanktop and my underpants and say in the loudest, happiest and most crazed voice “HI!!!!  Is there something I can help you with?” while smiling like I’m having the most amazing acid trip ever known to man.

They both look satisfyingly stunned, and start backing away.  My dog, Monkey, is barking like she has rabies at this point, and the ladies don’t know whether to keep their eyes on the psycho dog or on the almost naked lady with the machete.  They pick up speed with their exit, mumble something about being sorry to have bothered me, and get to a near run by the time they reach the end of my patio walkway… as I’m screaming after them, “What’s wrong?  Don’t you want to talk?  I’d LOVE to talk to you!!!”.

I hope that this finally gets my address on their “Do Not Disturb” list.

True story.

(next time, I will sick my little monster Monkey dog on them.  She can be pretty fierce…..

Monkey the Crazy Monster Puppy

Christian Rock may be what finally does me in…

26 Sep

My husband’s favorite pass time is inflicting things onto me that he knows I hate just to see me go through my stages of intolerance.

  • Stage 1: passive dislike and disdain.  I quietly hate something, but only bitch about it when asked.
  • Stage 2: Openly annoyed.  I’ll complain and mock- but not be hostile.
  • Stage 3: Openly angry.  The constant assault of  this thing that he KNOWS irritates me, and by the fact that I’m being assaulted by it BECAUSE it irritates me for his amusement brings open hostility.
  • Stage 4:  Hate.  Screaming, throwing objects and insults, and acting like a lunatic.  It takes a lot to get me to this point- and this stage tends to makes my husband laugh the hardest.

Brad has done this with countless things.  Playing Limp Bizkit first thing in the morning while shooting me with an air gun.  Tickling me after I’ve told him literally thousands of times that being tickled makes me want to stab people.  Uncrossing my toes (long time readers know I have to keep my toes crossed at all times).  Standing over me while I’m trying to concentrate on work, and playing Skynard on his guitar.  It’s his own version of Chinese Water Torture- but customized just for me.  He does this because he thinks it cute to annoy me- but then is shocked when after weeks of this, I finally snap and start screaming and acting like I’ve completely lost my mind.

Last night, he discovered Modern Christian Rock music.  And I am now fucked.  Deeply, truly, and sincerely fucked.

Long time readers of my babble on here will know that I had WAY too much Jesus growing up, and it has made me run screaming from him and his fan club.  But it’s not just the scripture that makes me run- but the antics that the J.C. Fan Club creates to “modernize” J.C. and make him more hip to the “sinful youth” of today.  When I was forced to go to “Young Life” meetings in junior high and high school, there were the creepy skits about the sinfulness of premarital sex and drug use, and how both would ALWAYS lead you to either get AIDS or become a dying crack whore.  They would take classic rock songs out of context to make them Jesus-Friendly and the whole room would sing along.  I experienced these marketing tactics on a grand scale when I was sent to the Southern Baptist group home in Branson, Missouri in high school.  They would take us to “revivals” at Silver Dollar City in the hopes of saving our angsty juvenile delinquent souls- and there would be hundreds of teenagers with their arms in the air singing at the tops of their lungs gospel songs that were put to “Pearl Jam” sounding music, and wearing t-shirts that say “Jesus Rocks”.  It was monumentally disturbing.

So last night I’m sitting in bed watching a movie, and I hear “Rape Metal” coming from his office (Rape Metal= Limp Bizkit, Puddle of Mud, Slipknot, etc). ..and Brad is laughing hysterically.  He calls me in, and I comply.  And it just sounds like bullshit rape metal to me… until I listen to the lyrics.  They’re singing about the love of the lord.  And my stomach turns to ice.  And the massive shit-eating grin that Brad had on his face while watching my reaction to this music solidified the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to shake this.  This new little gem that Brad found was going to be living in our house for a very long time.

The difference between the creep-show of Christian Modern Rock that I grew up with and what Brad discovered is this:  what I grew up with were bands that were desperately trying to sound like popular music but they wrote original songs; the new Christian Modern Rock bands now take already famous songs but change the lyrics.  Same song exactly, singer is a low-rent version of the original song’s singer- but with anti-abortion, anti-sex, anti-drug, and “I love Jesus” lyrics.  They took the Pearl Jam song “Alive” and changed the title to “A Lie” and it’s all about how evolution is a gigantic scam.  Do you get it?

Brad downloaded ALL of it.  Hundreds of songs.  He blasted them all last night and all morning long- laughing and laughing and laughing.  And yes… this music is so horribly, painfully, bone-chillingly pathetic that it sincerely is hilarious.  Christian Rock realized that they just can’t make good music- so they have to steal from Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Limp Bizkit, and every other chart buster out there.  It really is amazing.  But the moment I realized what I was listening to last night; the moment it dawned on me what Brad had discovered, and what was now going to be my new roommate- I regressed 20 years.  My brain spiraled back to being a 15 year old, sitting in an outdoors Inbred-Land auditorium settled in the middle of some bullshit hick amusement park with my arms crossed and a scowl on my face, surrounded by 2000 born-again Christian youths, waving their arms over their heads in sync to the music, crying with joy, and singing “Rocketown” by Michael W. Smith in unison (while I’m getting screamed at the whole time by my counselor for being disrespectful to Jesus for not standing and weeping and being filled with the love of the lord… and then having to go back to the group home and dig up tree stumps for hours because of my disrespect).  Brad’s in tears laughing, and all I can think is “NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!  IT’S FOLLOWED ME HOME!!!  IT’S IN MY HOUSE!!!  IT’S GOT MY HUSBAND!!!  FFFUUUCCCKKK YYYOOOUU JESUS FAN CLUB!!!!”.  20 years of vigorously scrubbing off The Blood of the Lord and thinking I was finally clean- and an online list of MP3’s brought all the icky bad God-feelings right back, making me dirty all over again.  After 20 years in the witness protection program, God not only found me, but has set up camp happily in Brad’s ipod to be with us at home and wherever we may travel.  Brad is SO amused with this that I know it’s not going away for a very very very long time.

A few weeks from now if you see images of me on the news covered in blood and being hauled away in handcuffs by the police- you’ll know I finally cracked and had to kill Brad because of this music.  And it’s all Jesus’s fault.

Make no mistake… the gods are toying with us

24 Mar

First off today, most wonderful Amy sent me this link that you should all click on and giggle:

PETA offers money to Octomom to put sterilization sign in front yard

Now, normally, I don’t like PETA.  Their shock tactics and misguided efforts in Alaska (among hundreds of other situations) make me really mad.  They are the evangelical Southern Baptists of the humanitarian movement, and have made all of us who support animal rights look a little nutty (and I REALLY resent the ads that Kathleen Hanna did for them saying “Ya know, I really really like bunnies- so we shouldn’t, like, kill them and stuff…  right?”.  Maybe it’s just me, but it annoys the fuck outta me that one of the strongest female role models of my youth now only gives a fuck about the bunnies- which are the one thing on this planet whose population isn’t threatened: ie- “Breeding Like Rabbits”.  I loooove bunnies… but give me a fucking break!!  Priorities?!?!… sorry… I’ll get back on point).  BUT PETA’s proposal to the vile and disgusting over-breeding Octomom is outright hilarious.  What’s even funnier is that she did it for a mere $5000.  I just love it to pieces.  And I appreciate their wit.

I’ve recently started to think that there is a ‘god’ or ‘higher power’ or ‘ethereal presence”… and if there is, whatever it is, is a TOTAL DICK.  Whatever ‘guiding force’ is ruling my life has a really mean sense of humor, and I’d like for it to piss off and go find someone else to screw with.  Why has my devout atheism started to crumble around the edges?  Because every time I open my mouth and spout something positive… “god” (or whatever this creepy divine entity is) giggles and then shoves my attempts at positive thought back down my through as hard as it can, and then follows it with fistfuls of shit and bile.  I used to think that it was all just coincidence that bad things happened the moment I spoke well of life- but now it’s just happening too often, and too specifically to not be seen as a personal attack.  When I mention that Sully has been doing really well- it will immediately be followed by a 3 day reign of Sully-Terror of epic proportions.  If I mention that Brad and I are doing good- well, again… immediately followed by a 3 day reign, only by my other pet male.  If I joke about how silly pet insurance is, and that all our cats are super healthy and don’t need it- BOOM… the next day our oldest cat, Leo, gets horribly ill and has to be taken to the vet multiple times.  After I’ve paid the bills and announce, jokingly, that nothing in the house is allowed to break or go wrong because I can’t afford a single thing until next payday… POOF!- the coffee pot breaks, the weed-wacker breaks, half the light bulbs in the house go out, and 2 laundry baskets fall apart.  All in the span of 48 hours.  Those are just a few examples.  I sincerely could go on and on.

I first thought that I was being paranoid… but now I’m convinced.  If there is a god, he is a mean hearted 10-year-old boy of the Eddie Haskell variety (ya know the type- he looks great on paper, and is awesome to your face or when under the spotlight… but as soon as you turn your back he’s shooting your dog with a Bee Bee gun and letting the air out of your tires).  Spiteful and sinister, and giggling at his own inside jokes even if they make everyone around him cry.  I actually have started watching what I say for fear of the cosmic anvil that is looming over my head waiting to drop.  The attacks are far too detailed and way too personal for it to all be random.  I know it isn’t karma because I paid my dues LONG ago, and am confident that I’m 100% in the clear.  And “Murphy’s Law” isn’t a DAILY occurrence.  So that leads me to believe there is in fact a god- and we’re nothing but a science experiment for him to mess with for his own amusement.  Like getting an ant farm just to burn the ants one by one with a magnifying glass.  He is a mean-spirited stalker, and needs to find someone else to mess with.

I’ve been told that what you put out into the universe is what you’ll receive…. and I sincerely tried this- but when I extend my hand in kindness, it’s met with a slap and spit in my face.  Maybe it’s all the religious shit-talking I’ve done in the past that has made the gods angry… but if they really want me to like them, this isn’t the way to win my love.  And they should know by now that they can’t break my will.  So I’m being forced back to my previous state of mind:  If you expect for life to beat you down and then shit on your face, you’ll never be disappointed.  This mindset might not be the healthiest- but it’s far safer than what I have been experiencing.

Thanks for being total douchebags, ‘higher powers”.  You suck.

Me vs my OTHER stalker, and the people who fought for me…

29 Dec

This little rambling is actually NOT about a stalker of mine, but about the amazing people who circled their wagons around me when this stalker decided to bare her teeth and try to publicly attack.  But to know the situation, ya gotta know the stalker, you’re gonna need a little background- so let me tell you a story….

When I was 19, I was friends with a young lady (and for the sake of privacy, I’ll call her “L”).  She was… how do I state it without offending …. “overly emotional”- but when you’re 19, that comes with the territory.  Most of my friends when I was 19 were like that (and drunk and stupid and everything a 19 year old is supposed to be… myself included).  Fast forward a couple years, and I’m a little older, and “overly emotional” is starting to get old and tiring.  At 21 I find myself pregnant, and realize I want nothing to do with that because having a baby is enough drama in itself, I don’t need dramatic adults in my life.  So slowly I begin pushing all drama away, and finding people in my life who are funny, amazing, creative and adventurous- WITHOUT THE DRAMA.  “L” was one of these people who had to go.  She couldn’t help who she was, but who she was just wasn’t what I could handle anymore.  This didn’t go over well, and viciousness from her rained down.  Eventually it ended, and I walked away safe and sound.

Fast forward 10 years.  “L” gets a hold of my email address and contacts me. I think, “she’s older, married with kids- she must have settled down… but don’t get too close”.  We stayed online acquaintances from that point on, emailing randomly through whatever social networking crap we were on… but that was it.  Don’t get too close, remember?  Drama isn’t fun unless your 19, remember?

Fast forward to present day (I apologize if this is getting long winded- but I want nothing to be left to question since I’ll never revisit this situation).  On xmas, I made a silly and harmless comment about how my family celebrates xmas- & “L” took it as a personal attack.  After what turned into a ridiculous difference of opinion that turned into her attacking me, I cut her off and stopped responding to her.  She got mad.

She sent me email after email after email on facebook until I blocked her… all filled with insults, degrading remarks, and bitter venom.  She covered her facebook page with photos and links about me, lashing out, calling me out by name and begging for people to hate me.  She tried over and over again to post horrifying comments all over my blog (but wordpress has the most amazing blocking capabilities, so I slapped her down at every turn).  She contacted mutual friends of ours, trying to get them to turn on me.  She rallied against me on large public political blogs and websites, again naming me by name and posting links to me- calling me an advocate to oppression and hate towards Christians.  Through all of this I said  nothing.  I didn’t respond.  I didn’t fight back.  I just blocked and dodged bullets because I knew just how insane she was and I didn’t want to fuel the fire.  Her final attempted comment on my blog warned me that she was going to write a blog about me exposing me for the hate-filled religious oppressor that I really am, and that when anyone googled my name, they’d find her blog and see just how pathetic I really am.  All because my atheist family wanted a non-xmas xmas.

“L’s” final message was a threat.  A threat to “expose my dark secrets”.  It was an intimidation tactic to “put me in my place”.  Since I am an open book and have never had anything to hide, I welcomed it.

Click here if you’d like to see the blog she dedicated to me.

(I have disabled the link to her blog after closing the ability for anyone to comment further on this post for the protection of her privacy.)

For the first time since the madness began, I responded by posting an open invitation on my facebook profile for anyone who would like to talk about how much they hate me, and giving them the link to find her blog.  And I’d like to note for the record, this is the first time I’ve linked anything to her, and I will still not divulge her name out of respect for her and her family’s privacy.  But one thing I’d like to make very very clear- THIS WAS ALL OVER NOTHING, and I’m sincerely disturbed and creeped out by this whole situation, and all the hate.  I ran from her the first time to escape the drama, and this is why I’m running screaming again.  It’s too ridiculous, and I’m glad to be rid of it- again.

HERE is where the point of my blog begins (sorry it took so long to get here)… and I’m choked up while I’m writing this.  I thought that maybe a couple buddies would comment on my FB page about how it was funny or whatever.  What I did not expect is that in less than 24 hours there were over 100 comments on my FB page and her blog coming to my defense.  Last night, about an hour after I posted the link, Brad came home to me almost in tears because of the touching and beautiful things people had posted.  We both sat in awe as the comments kept coming and coming- calling her out on her unjustified and unprovoked hate tactics, slander, personal attacks and cruelty towards me.  These defenders were people who I’ve corresponded with on blogs, who’ve found me on FB and myspace, and some people I’ve never had any contact with- but the majority of them I have never sat in the same room with.  And even though I don’t “know” these people in a face-to-face or conventional setting, we have connected on some level, and they came to bat for me.  And as Brad and I were watching the computer, and feeling the love come pouring from my computer screen, my heart grew 10x’s it’s size that night (I think a grinch metaphor is suitable right about now).  I believe Brad’s exact quote while we were watching the comments pile up, our jaws dropped, was “You’ve got a solid crew of rad people covering your back”…. and I sincerely and truly do.

One of my tried-and-true friends, Melissa, made a comment about how it made her sad that I don’t have faith in much of anything.  And it’s true… I don’t.  Until last night, I had little faith in people’s respect for one another, for their commitment to other humans in their lives, and I fully believed that decency and loyalty were a thing of the past that we could tell our grandkids about while the world is burning down around us.  Jaded- I know…. but it’s where my heart feels safest.  “Expect pain and suffering from people, and you don’t get disappointed” is a pretty accurate life motto of mine- though it’s one that I’ve been trying to change.  What’s amazing is that in 24 hours, the baby-steps towards changing that hard-hearted life motto has just taken a pole-vaulting leap in the right direction.  In the happy and love filled direction.  It blows my mind that a simple post from a stupid site like facebook could make my outlook on people change so much- but those of you who defended me with such touching and eloquent words, and endured “L’s” hate vomitted at you in her responses made more of a difference to me than you’ll ever know.   You saw me under attack, and you protected me- and even though her words have yet to hurt me (nor will they ever, no matter what she says about me) because I’m ok with being hated.  One of the things that makes me ok with being hated is that I know other people’s emotions are nothing I can control.  But the other thing, the more important reason, is that I know that there are people who accept and care.  And I have felt more love, acceptance, and unity these past 24 hours than I’ve felt in a really long time… and to those of you who came to my defense and showed me your big beautiful hearts- I thank you from the bottom of mine.  I want to bury my face in your hair and give you all hugs and tickles.  I don’t have words (nor do I think they even exist) to explain just how much you all mean to me, and how much your protection of my views, honor, and self truly made a difference with me.

I’d like to put “L’s” mania behind me… but if she needs to continue with her Anti-Kristen Crusade, I’m not going to do anything to stop her.  If she needs to behave like this in order to look at herself in the mirror every morning, then I’m not going to take that away from her.  But I’m done.  “L”- I’m unblocking your ability to comment on here if you still feel the need to keep this going.  I didn’t block you to “oppress” you, but to run from a pointless religious battle that I had no interest in debating or dragging out.  I’m too old for that shit, and my “aging tattooed body” as (she so lovingly put it) just doesn’t have the stamina for all that hate.

To all my guardians- I adore you.  Truly, sincerely, and from the bottom of my heart.  Thank you for being so overwhelmingly amazing.

Raising a godless child in a bible-thumping culture….

28 Oct

If you took 3 steps into anything I have posted online, you’ll know I have no god (and I’m not going to capitalize the word “god” throughout any of this.  It’s not to offend- it’s just that I since I don’t see god as a ‘being’, I don’t feel the need to use the word as if it’s a name).  I will admit that I have truckloads of religious baggage (guilt, shame, and threats of eternal hell and damnation for natural human behavior and feelings will do that to a person).  It took YEARS to reclaim my soul from the Christians, and I’m pretty fucking psyched to have it back.  And I’m working through the religious baggage, piece by piece, and eventually that will be gone to.  But until it is, I’ve got a bit of a knee-jerk hatred for Bible Thumpers (I WILL capitalize “Bible Thumpers” throughout this, because they ARE actual beings, and that is their name).  Bible Thumpers make me really really fucking mad.

Now, I’d like to explain something before I get into the main topic for this little soapbox rant.  I have NOTHING against religion.  I have NOTHING against Christian beliefs.  In this sick, jaded, and overwhelming life, if someone can find something that gives them safety an hope- I’m all for it.  I don’t care if it’s Buddha, or Jesus, or the Virgin Mary, or Satan, or Captain Crunch… it’s all fine by me.  I’m 100% behind safety and hope, and I’ll pull out my old cheerleading uniform and do leg-kicks and backflips all day long for that safety and hope.  What I have NO FUCKING PATIENCE for is religious pressure, judgment, and intolerance.  And that is what a solid 95% of the Christians that I’ve encountered are all about.  I was raised in the church- and when I say “in the church”, I mean I was in the choir, and went to bible camp, and did the “Young Life” youth group ickyness (and to this day, sing-alongs give me the fucking creepin’ willies), and I lived in a full-blown WACKADOO Southern Baptist group home for 2 years in the middle of the woods in Missouri… so I’ve known shit-tons of Christians.  They were my peers, teachers, family, family friends, counselors, doctors, etc etc etc.  And that 95% of the Christians that were filled with religious pressure and judgement (which is what made them hateful and intolerant of anyone that wasn’t Christian) grossed me the fuck out.  I’m in NO WAY saying that ALL Christians are like this… because parents are Christian and they are amazing.  My neighbors are extremely religious and they’re some of my favorite people.  I have friends who are devoutly Christian, and they’ve never once judged me.  But those are the Christians who act like Jesus- and not like Christians.  Do you get the difference?  95% of the Christians don’t.  And they’re the ones I’m talking about here.  They suck so many balls it’s ridiculous.

So, with that being explained, I happily have no god.  Both Sully’s dad and stepdad think there’s a slight possibility that there might be something bigger than us- but neither of them give a shit about what it might be.  And since there is no god “in our hearts”, it would be a monumental life-fraud to raise Sully with any sort of religion.  What I did do was teach him about ALL religions.  I then told him that no matter what his family believes, if he finds a religion that makes him feel safe and gives him hope, we are 100% behind him.  But I did tell him that he had to wait until he was at least 18 to really dedicate his life to any specific religion, because it is one of the biggest decisions that a person could make.  For a while when he was 5 he said he wanted to worship Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon when he grew up (he was going through a Greek Mythology phase).  But aside from that, he’s had no personal interest in any spiritual path.  And because he’s such a mini-Spock, he thinks that bible stories are hilarious because they’re so illogical.  Instead of having a god to teach Sully right from wrong, we use his logic, reasoning, and The Golden Rule.  We have raised him to never judge others on anything but their actions (and if they’re acting mean, take a look at why they’re acting that way, and try to help if you can).  We’re devoted to empathy, tolerance, understanding, and love.  And because of this, Sully is polite to the point of annoying, has a heart so big that even at age 11 he still tears up when he sees someone else is hurting, and tries to be a friend to everyone (even the kids that don’t like him).  Doesn’t sound like a damned child to me… but the Christian kids at his school see differently.

HERE is where my rant comes in.  HERE is where I say “Fuck you, ‘god’, and fuck your people”.  Because “god’s” people are fucking with my kid… and mama lion is PISSED.  We live in Huntington Beach, California.  To those of you who aren’t familiar with Orange County- it is VERY conservative here.  Mormons, zealots, and right-wing evangelicals are the main population (if you want the liberal Californians, you’ll have to go about 40 minutes into Hollywood… you’ll find them there).  Since it’s so very evangelical-Christian here, Sully is going to school with the Christian’s spawn.  And this year, the Christian’s spawn have decided to make Sully’s atheism their business.

Sully has been taught to not talk religion to people besides us because it is a very personal thing.  He used to be really bad about this- but the past couple years has gotten really amazing at respectfully staying away from religious debates and conversations that may cause trouble or hurt feelings.  I’ve felt this was really important in order to teach him respect and tolerance of other people’s beliefs.  But this year at school, it’s gotten around that he’s an atheist, and kids have been confronting him more and more about it.  The final straw was today in his gym class, he was cornered by 3 boys who were demanding that he talk to him about god, and telling him that he’s going to hell.  Sully politely told them that he doesn’t believe in hell, and that his religious beliefs were none of their business.  They started to get intimidating and threatening, and Sully dodged them and went straight to the gym coach and said that he was being “degraded for his religious beliefs” (Sully’s exact words… he’s pretty awesome).  The coach thanked Sully for handling it so maturely, and swept the other boys into his office.  But nothing else was done.

Here’s where I get pissed.  If this was 3 Christian kids vs a Jewish kid, or a Muslim kid, or a Hindu kid- there would be serious repercussions because these are accepted as valid belief structures.  But because it’s an atheist kid… no big deal.  It’s just a “boys will be boys” situation when Christian kids gang up, threaten and mock another kids beliefs because those beliefs don’t have an imaginary friend tied to it.  And what’s really ironic is that even though I’ve done everything to try to teach Sully to be accepting of ALL people’s beliefs and ways of life… the people that he’s growing to despise are Christians because they are the ones who mock, terrorize, and humiliate him BECAUSE of their beliefs.  I try to tell him “Grandma and Grandpa don’t act that way, and they’re Christian!  What about our neighbors- they’re fantastic and they’re Christian!  Not all of them are mean like that.  You can’t hate an entire group of people because of the actions of a few”…. but he only knows what his daily experiences have taught him.  And his daily experiences are teaching him the Ways of the Bible Thumpers are sick and wrong.  And I’m finding it harder and harder to put on a sympathetic smile and continue to teach tolerance when his belief structure is being belittled and mocked.  What I really want to tell him to do is beat the shit out of them with  the complete printed works of  Darwin, and then jump up and down and scream “SATAN HAS DEFEATED YOU AND I NOW OWN YOUR SOUL!!!!” just to scare the stupid little fuckers.  But that won’t do any good.  We ARE going to get him into karate so that if these kids decide to corner him again, and try to throw a punch, he can- in self defense-  beat the Holy shit out of them (pun very much intended).

What I want to know is how much tolerance do I teach him?  If he was just getting picked on because him and these kids didn’t get along- that would be one thing.  But this is because the God Squad doesn’t like that Sully isn’t on their team, and their using mafia-like intimidation to try to get at him because of it.  How do I keep explaining to him to not hate the Christians when all they show him is hate because they are Christians?

I think that Jesus would tell Sully to beat these stupid kids to a pulp.  Jesus seemed like a pretty ok guy for his time… his followers, on the other hand, are making me want to sacrifice their young.