When Brad and I first got together, he was on tour about 8 months out of the year. I never gave this a second thought because we were in a constant “honeymoon” period, and I’m forever busy as hell and am pretty into my personal space. Don’t get me wrong, I love sharing personal space with him- but my personal space is kept on a very short leash, and all items that exist within it have very specific designated places. I get annoyed when this is altered.
Over the years, Brad has been touring less and less because he wants to stay home more. I love having him home- but the more he’s home, the more my tightly-run-ship of a household turns to anarchy. And it makes my head spin. I’m going to spill a dirty-Brad-secret and divulge that he is MESSY!!!! MESSY MESSY MESSY MESSY MESSY!!! Crumbs and socks and dirty dishes and piles of clothes and trails of spilled coffee and random objects scattered as far as the eye can see. Sorry Brad, my darling- but it’s true. Sully is a pigpen too- but he’s 11, so his brain is still in the making and I can mold it into what I want it to be (or at least as far as this subject is concerned). But my dear husband is a lost cause with the teaching of “new tricks”, and he sincerely doesn’t see the mess around him- so I have given up trying to rectify these negative behaviors and now I just work with it.
How do I work with it?… I do the best I can to clean up what he doesn’t see as a mess when he’s in town. But the moment he leaves for tour, the “White Tornado of Immaculate Fury” (ie: me in a manic frenzy) hits our house and makes it all better. Brad left this afternoon for a 2 week tour with Intro5pect as their stand-in guitarist, and the moment he was gone, the madness started. It resembles “spring cleaning” while on speedballs… and it doesn’t stop until every inch of our house is scrubbed down to the point that it can endure another few months of Messy Boys until Brad leaves again. Room by room I go through EVERYTHING top to bottom, scrubbing and dust-busting and organizing and discarding until I make it better. Purifying the house of Messy Boy Demons and turning it back into a Kristen Sanctuary. The kitchen, garage, and bedroom were tackled today. Tomorrow the living room, dining room, and bathrooms. Monday is the guest room, closets and cabinets. Clean and purge, clean and purge, clean and purge- and purify. Then bask in it. Amen.
One thing I’ve been concerned about with Brad going out of town was my sleep walking. I don’t like the idea of wandering around the house in the middle of the night without another adult there to supervise that I’m not leaving the house or doing anything destructive. So to prepare for this I started a little experiment last week, and have been tying one of my feet to our bed frame before I go to sleep. Each morning I wake up with my foot still tethered to the bed, and Brad says that I didn’t get up. Who knows if I tried to get up, but since I don’t think I could manage redoing the intricate restraint system that I set up with my leash while in sleepwalking mode, I’m pretty secure in the fact that I stayed put all night. I’m pleased as punch that this has worked so far- but I’m just waiting for the night that I get up and fall flat on my face (because if a stupid accident is to happen, we can all be sure that it will happen to me because I’m apparently part cartoon character).
On a final note, I had a dream the other night that I was trying to stick a 2 headed puppy in an envelope- and failing miserably at my attempts at this. Here’s hoping that I have a million more dreams just like that, because it was hilarious.
Off I go to bed, and I hope that tonight I have dreams of this little guy because he’s my new best friend:
*Poof!*
That's the thing...... 
oooo…. 2 headed puppy being stuffed into an envelope by a part-cartoon character tied to a bed… sounds like a new painting!
hahaha!! I’ll get right on that!!!
🙂
haha i have those manic-y cleaning tornadoes too
They’re wonderfully cleansing. Especially when the cleanliness doesn’t get fucked up again in 15 minutes.
im glad you are writing more blogs again. i was starting to miss them!
I’ll second that!
Awwww…. thanks, ladies!!!!
xoxoxoxoxo
every saturday morning when i wake up i get that wild hair up my ass and just clean EVERYTHING and purge and purge and purge. i get so into it too that even when i’m done showering and notice something is dirty or dusty or out of order, whatever, i just start cleaning then and there, still dripping wet or half dressed (i’ve gone an afternoon cleaning my house without any bottoms on, haha).
and yes, it IS cleansing.
i guarantee you’ll have an accident from tying your foot to the bed, it’s inevitable!
It is inevitable, isn’t it. You have now reserved the right to be the first one to say “I told you so” when I fall flat on my face in the middle of the night while being tethered to the bed.
How much does James love your half naked cleaning frenzies? You could set up a webcam and make a mint with your own “Whitney the Maid XXX” site.
well, i am hoping that you DONT hurt yourself, but yeah… it’s inevitable, thats all i can say for now! 😀
hahah, well, i only do this when he isnt around. there’s absolutely nothing sexy about it. well, at least not to me, i’m sure 1% of the population would probably be into people cleaning house half naked!
Required? That’s B.S.
Its going to make it significantly less fun when I tell you women are just better at picking things up. Simple fact.
All I know is that, as a woman, I’m significantly better at picking up mouthy dudes and drop-kicking them down the block!
(josh… ya gotta give my memory at least 24 hours to purge all information and become completely useless again. patience, young padawan)
Oh my goodness this is going to be fun.
BRING IT ON!!!!!!
(I’m actually standing on my rooftop screaming defiantly as I type this.)